Note to self:
Sore scalp still there, on the top of my head.
Hurts to touch, worse pain. Hmm..
Got ulcers on tongue too. Big ones.
Need to get some more fruit when I go shopping tomorrow and eat a lot of it! And water too. As much as it's a pain, it does help.
We're seeing Andy tomorrow afternoon - haven't seen his new pad yet. Hopefully seeing Laura on Sunday morning for a coffee.
Still giddy happy about the progress in the garden. Ordering the fencing next week to arrive at the weekend. I want to put photos on but my bluetooth is acting up, but will put some on soon.
Eyes closing,bedtime me thinks! x Night night x
Friday 29 April 2011
60. Songs and clips
Some things that always make me smile xxx
CRUM!!!!! I'm shuffling!!
CRUM!!!!! I'm shuffling!!
I have loved this song since it first came out, 1998 - 1999.
A little while after I went on a ski-ing trip to America with school. This song was played on the radio playlist on the flight out there and always reminds me of being away from home, growing up and learning new things.
The words in this song give me a hopeful feeling.
Watched the film this song is taken from for the first time the other day. Loved it.
I've probably mentioned this before.
This song never fails to make me smile.
It's SUCH a good driving song!
Another song from my youth. But it holds more meaning to me now than ever...
A real summery tune, which I first heard when in the car with Anthony when we first got together.
It was played on Dave Pearce dance anthems on Radio One years ago when he had that gig!
I remember hearing the song and instantly falling in love with it. I managed to record a tiny bit of the song on my phone, but never found out what it was. It took me ages to finally find it and when I did it was courtesy of the makers of Shazam! nice one.. haha..
Love the words. Makes me feel powerful when I'm irritated by situations.
The best.
Track from a classic scene in Sex And The City.
Gives me goosebumps.
When Carrie's realised what she needs to do...
Feel good.
My fave kids tv theme ever. You can proper rock out to this. As I did in my cheetara costume at James' party in December. Awesome..
Me, Sarah and Matt! :) Gooooood times!
If you love phoenix nights you'll love this
One of my favourite Looney Tunes cartoons.... Classic!
More to come soon!
59. Feeling normal
Well! I have been feeling like my normal self for last few days now. It's so nice to be pottering about in the garden, seeing friends and family and not feeling ill. I am 'on holiday' from chemo and side effects until Wed 4th May and intend to make the most of the weekend doing the things that make me happy. Simple things that I love.
I've been making the garden into a lovely place these last couple of days. Digging out the borders and turning over the soil, putting top soil in to make it nice for plants to grow. I have gone right back to how I used to be when I was younger, out in the garden playing out for hours on end. I love the feeling of my hands being in the cold soil. Each night I have been out til late, not wanting to go in! Then eventually realised the time and run myself a gorgeous bath. Slept so well too after being in the open fresh air for hours!
Will probably do the same tonight!
I've pretty much forgotten I have cancer for the meantime. I keep wandering around places and carrying on as if nothing has changed. Then someone in a shop talks to me and we have some banter and I think to myself...You don't know I have cancer.
Thats a weird feeling. There isn't any sign on me, as yet, to make it obvious that I have an illness.
My hairdresser is going to cut my hair for me on Monday. I feel very lucky that she is taking time out to help me. She knows me really well (been going to her for about, 14 - 15 years, sorry Fee, don't want to make you feel old, hehe..) and she can tell I need to do something about my hair. It's driving me insane! Still no hair loss, but still it's irritating me. I have very thick hair and it's bushy to say the least at the moment. It's desperate for a colour putting on it, but until I know whats happening with it, there isn't much point messing about with that side of things. Fee is going to cut it shorter for me, to make it easier to look after when I am feeling rubbish and also if I do happen to lose my hair then it will be a step to getting used to not having any. :)
We've been buying little things for the house and garden in the last few days, which is a nice feeling. Adding things to it and making it feel and look like ours.
We bought a gorgeous mirror for the chimney breast from The Range, - Laura and Sophie are going to be giggling at me, well most people are who know how much I love The Range, I am always banging on about it to everyone!
We went to Ikea and bought useful things too, including a gorgeous duvet cover with 4 pillowcases, for... wait for it... £2.99!
£2.99, couldn't believe it. It's white with a blue outline pattern of flowers and leaves. Lush, we both like it too so that's a bonus.
My Mum and Dad are popping over soon, so better go put the kettle on and get the biscuits out! Speak soon xx thank you for reading xx
I've been making the garden into a lovely place these last couple of days. Digging out the borders and turning over the soil, putting top soil in to make it nice for plants to grow. I have gone right back to how I used to be when I was younger, out in the garden playing out for hours on end. I love the feeling of my hands being in the cold soil. Each night I have been out til late, not wanting to go in! Then eventually realised the time and run myself a gorgeous bath. Slept so well too after being in the open fresh air for hours!
Will probably do the same tonight!
I've pretty much forgotten I have cancer for the meantime. I keep wandering around places and carrying on as if nothing has changed. Then someone in a shop talks to me and we have some banter and I think to myself...You don't know I have cancer.
Thats a weird feeling. There isn't any sign on me, as yet, to make it obvious that I have an illness.
My hairdresser is going to cut my hair for me on Monday. I feel very lucky that she is taking time out to help me. She knows me really well (been going to her for about, 14 - 15 years, sorry Fee, don't want to make you feel old, hehe..) and she can tell I need to do something about my hair. It's driving me insane! Still no hair loss, but still it's irritating me. I have very thick hair and it's bushy to say the least at the moment. It's desperate for a colour putting on it, but until I know whats happening with it, there isn't much point messing about with that side of things. Fee is going to cut it shorter for me, to make it easier to look after when I am feeling rubbish and also if I do happen to lose my hair then it will be a step to getting used to not having any. :)
We've been buying little things for the house and garden in the last few days, which is a nice feeling. Adding things to it and making it feel and look like ours.
We bought a gorgeous mirror for the chimney breast from The Range, - Laura and Sophie are going to be giggling at me, well most people are who know how much I love The Range, I am always banging on about it to everyone!
We went to Ikea and bought useful things too, including a gorgeous duvet cover with 4 pillowcases, for... wait for it... £2.99!
£2.99, couldn't believe it. It's white with a blue outline pattern of flowers and leaves. Lush, we both like it too so that's a bonus.
My Mum and Dad are popping over soon, so better go put the kettle on and get the biscuits out! Speak soon xx thank you for reading xx
Thursday 28 April 2011
58. Eyebrow hair is weaker..
I still have all my hair, everywhere..!
But my eyebrow hair is becoming a lot weaker. I pluck my eyebrows regularly and I have noticed today and yesterday that the hairs are coming out with ease. Usually my hairs on my eyebrows are very stubborn.
Waiting to see what happens next! :S
But my eyebrow hair is becoming a lot weaker. I pluck my eyebrows regularly and I have noticed today and yesterday that the hairs are coming out with ease. Usually my hairs on my eyebrows are very stubborn.
Waiting to see what happens next! :S
Wednesday 27 April 2011
57. New friend and new hair cut decision
I have made a new friend through the UK Hodgkin's Lymphoma Club on Facebook!
Nicola - she's so friendly and chatty and has been online tonight being very open and honest about some of her initial experiences. She has offered to answer any questions or help with any worries I may have through the course of my treatment. This is very comforting to me. It turns out Nicola was treated at BRI too, the same doctor as me and same ward for treatment too! I think I was meant to meet her somehow. On the day I was diagnosed, my doctor and my macmillan nurse had mentioned someone called Nicola who they thought I could chat to about experiences, saying she was a similar age. They said she had gone on to have a baby recently. This has to be the same Nicola as all those things fit. How cool is that?! Looking forward to chatting to her again soon.
I have made a decision about my hair too.
Despite the fact I haven't started to lose any yet, I am going to have quite a lot cut off. Making it a lot shorter and layered. I have text my hairdresser Fee tonight and she has offered to come to the house to do it for me. We chatted before and she mentioned how if it does start to come out, the less length of hair there is, the less of a shock it will be.
Fee had a client last year who also had HL and she cut her hair short for her to make it less of a shock. This lady's hair did thin out, but now, she's clear and has a full head of thicker, curlier hair.
So, shorter, less of a shock. Another reason I would like it cutting is to make it easier to look after for the meantime! I am not up to constantly washing, drying it, straightening it. If I don't want to straighten it, its like a big bush! And is messy. All I am doing at the moment is scraping it back into a bobble. It doesn't make me feel very good about myself. If it is cut shorter it means I can straighten it when i feel up to it and make it look nice. There'll be less of it.
Whether my hair will thin or fall out completely I don't know. But I have to live for now and do something to make myself feel good. If I go in stages with it, it will help lessen the shock hopefully....
Nicola - she's so friendly and chatty and has been online tonight being very open and honest about some of her initial experiences. She has offered to answer any questions or help with any worries I may have through the course of my treatment. This is very comforting to me. It turns out Nicola was treated at BRI too, the same doctor as me and same ward for treatment too! I think I was meant to meet her somehow. On the day I was diagnosed, my doctor and my macmillan nurse had mentioned someone called Nicola who they thought I could chat to about experiences, saying she was a similar age. They said she had gone on to have a baby recently. This has to be the same Nicola as all those things fit. How cool is that?! Looking forward to chatting to her again soon.
I have made a decision about my hair too.
Despite the fact I haven't started to lose any yet, I am going to have quite a lot cut off. Making it a lot shorter and layered. I have text my hairdresser Fee tonight and she has offered to come to the house to do it for me. We chatted before and she mentioned how if it does start to come out, the less length of hair there is, the less of a shock it will be.
Fee had a client last year who also had HL and she cut her hair short for her to make it less of a shock. This lady's hair did thin out, but now, she's clear and has a full head of thicker, curlier hair.
So, shorter, less of a shock. Another reason I would like it cutting is to make it easier to look after for the meantime! I am not up to constantly washing, drying it, straightening it. If I don't want to straighten it, its like a big bush! And is messy. All I am doing at the moment is scraping it back into a bobble. It doesn't make me feel very good about myself. If it is cut shorter it means I can straighten it when i feel up to it and make it look nice. There'll be less of it.
Whether my hair will thin or fall out completely I don't know. But I have to live for now and do something to make myself feel good. If I go in stages with it, it will help lessen the shock hopefully....
56. No chemo tomorrow!
Well! Just after I last posted earlier I got a phone call to say my white count is too low for tomorrow's chemo.
So my 2nd session is on Wed 4th May, with a blood test on the Tues before. By then my white cells should hopefully have risen.
Annoyingly there isn't anything I can do about it or do anything to help the situation. So it's a matter of sitting back and enjoying my time without pain/sickness for now and gaining some strength for next week.
I can enjoy the bank holiday and have some more precious time at home tomorrow - as Anthony is off work still! Yipeee..
Had a lovely day at home today. Did a trip to the local tip and took some stuff from inside the shed that we sorted out the other day. It's all tidy and cobweb free in there now.
I went to Wilko's and got some plant pots and compost so I could spend the afternoon thinning the seedlings that have grown and plant out the smaller sunflowers that have got a lot bigger too.
It was so relaxing! Chris came over to see us which was lovely! He helped in the garden, demolished the eye -sore fence at the back under the trees and then dug out the conifer stump and roots with Anthony. Really productive afternoon!
Here's my seeds so far...
So my 2nd session is on Wed 4th May, with a blood test on the Tues before. By then my white cells should hopefully have risen.
Annoyingly there isn't anything I can do about it or do anything to help the situation. So it's a matter of sitting back and enjoying my time without pain/sickness for now and gaining some strength for next week.
I can enjoy the bank holiday and have some more precious time at home tomorrow - as Anthony is off work still! Yipeee..
Had a lovely day at home today. Did a trip to the local tip and took some stuff from inside the shed that we sorted out the other day. It's all tidy and cobweb free in there now.
I went to Wilko's and got some plant pots and compost so I could spend the afternoon thinning the seedlings that have grown and plant out the smaller sunflowers that have got a lot bigger too.
It was so relaxing! Chris came over to see us which was lovely! He helped in the garden, demolished the eye -sore fence at the back under the trees and then dug out the conifer stump and roots with Anthony. Really productive afternoon!
Here's my seeds so far...
 |
| Giant Sunflowers,growing Biiiiiiig! |
 |
| more giant sunflowers, getting there... |
 |
| These are evening sun, teddy bear and sun spot sunflowers... |
 |
| A real mixture... more sun spots, delphiniums, hollyhocks and gyp.. all tucked up in the tidied shed. Aw.. get me! Am turning into a right little gardener! haha... After I had finished my seeds, Debbie and Dan arrived. We had afternoon tea, all very civilised- don't you know! We ate cake, treats and drank yorkshire tea. Yum! We had a lovely catch up and hope to meet up again soon for something to eat. Gonna head off for a long soak now, I have compost-y nails and they need some attention and a lot of handcream! Bye for now xx |
55. Blood test - 2nd Chemo tomorrow
Yey the sun is back! Missed it yesterday!
Went for my blood test this morning - all went really well, was nice to see the nurses again and catch up. I was the bravest ever today having the needle! I looked in the direction of the nurse and even smiled and chatted to her as she did it. Ha I know!
If I don't hear anything from the hospital I just go as normal tomorrow for chemo.
I'll be back on later :)
Went for my blood test this morning - all went really well, was nice to see the nurses again and catch up. I was the bravest ever today having the needle! I looked in the direction of the nurse and even smiled and chatted to her as she did it. Ha I know!
If I don't hear anything from the hospital I just go as normal tomorrow for chemo.
I'll be back on later :)
Tuesday 26 April 2011
54. Sore scalp note/ Helpful support :)
Just want to make a note to myself that I have a sore scalp tonight. I don't know if it's linked to my chemo or not. I have had this type of soreness once before I was diagnosed - so am not totally convinced it is chemo related.
It's only when I move my hair from side to side, it makes my scalp ache and sort of tingle..
Really sleepy tonight.
I have had some really lovely days recently and I feel lucky to have had them.
My mind is mulling over tomorrow's bloodtest.
I need to have my bloodcount checked - to see if my white cells are at a good enough level so I can have the 2nd chemo session on Thursday. The nurse said that if my levels are too low I will need to have some injections to take home and put into my tummy (!) and then postpone the chemo until my levels rise. Fingers crossed it all goes ahead alright.
Debbie has just text and her and Dan are coming over tomorrow for a brew, so that will be really lovely! Yay x
The other day I found a group on Facebook - UK Hodgkin's Lymphoma Support Club.
I joined and messaged the group's creator Chris Smith.
He is really chatty and friendly and offered his support on tips for coping with the chemo side effects. I explained how I was writing this blog and he suggested how I should link my blog onto the group page so others could follow too.
Though doing this I have made a connection with a lovely lady called Christine.
Christine has fully recovered from HL and has been in remission for 2 years. She messaged me and said she had been reading my blog and was there for me if I needed someone to talk to. I was really comforted by her message of hope and encouragement and replied as soon as I could. I asked her about weight gain as a side effect and my worries. She replied really quickly and helped put my mind at ease.
Thank you x
I think it's really important to speak to others and ask questions. I felt comfortable to do this. I think the Facebook group for HL is really useful and helpful.
I hope I can help others with this blog and one day when all this is over I will be like Christine, passing on my knowledge and advice.
It's only when I move my hair from side to side, it makes my scalp ache and sort of tingle..
Really sleepy tonight.
I have had some really lovely days recently and I feel lucky to have had them.
My mind is mulling over tomorrow's bloodtest.
I need to have my bloodcount checked - to see if my white cells are at a good enough level so I can have the 2nd chemo session on Thursday. The nurse said that if my levels are too low I will need to have some injections to take home and put into my tummy (!) and then postpone the chemo until my levels rise. Fingers crossed it all goes ahead alright.
Debbie has just text and her and Dan are coming over tomorrow for a brew, so that will be really lovely! Yay x
The other day I found a group on Facebook - UK Hodgkin's Lymphoma Support Club.
I joined and messaged the group's creator Chris Smith.
He is really chatty and friendly and offered his support on tips for coping with the chemo side effects. I explained how I was writing this blog and he suggested how I should link my blog onto the group page so others could follow too.
Though doing this I have made a connection with a lovely lady called Christine.
Christine has fully recovered from HL and has been in remission for 2 years. She messaged me and said she had been reading my blog and was there for me if I needed someone to talk to. I was really comforted by her message of hope and encouragement and replied as soon as I could. I asked her about weight gain as a side effect and my worries. She replied really quickly and helped put my mind at ease.
Thank you x
I think it's really important to speak to others and ask questions. I felt comfortable to do this. I think the Facebook group for HL is really useful and helpful.
I hope I can help others with this blog and one day when all this is over I will be like Christine, passing on my knowledge and advice.
Monday 25 April 2011
53. My multi-flight, thank you Raf!
Wow! You won't believe what I did today! Amazing!
My friend Raf recently got his licence to fly light aircraft and offered to take me flying today, how exciting!
We went up to the Multi-flight centre at Leeds Bradford Airport at midday. I felt really giddy and really lucky to have the opportunity to do this. As we parked up in the car park, Raf was driving behind us. I had a big cheesy grin on my face and was bursting with excitement! Anthony waited for us at the car as Raf took me for the flight, eeee!
We had to go into the centre and sign some paperwork. Raf had to put his luminous vest on and gather all the equipment and gave me my own headset for the flight!
He pointed out the aircraft to me....
My friend Raf recently got his licence to fly light aircraft and offered to take me flying today, how exciting!
We went up to the Multi-flight centre at Leeds Bradford Airport at midday. I felt really giddy and really lucky to have the opportunity to do this. As we parked up in the car park, Raf was driving behind us. I had a big cheesy grin on my face and was bursting with excitement! Anthony waited for us at the car as Raf took me for the flight, eeee!
We had to go into the centre and sign some paperwork. Raf had to put his luminous vest on and gather all the equipment and gave me my own headset for the flight!
He pointed out the aircraft to me....
I stood next to the aircraft as Raf went round and did the necessary checks. Some men came to re-fuel it and I stood waiting, antipating the journey and feeling really excited still.
Raf asked me if I wanted to step in. As I did I went all nervous! He put the safety harness and belt round me and I put the head set on! haha.. check me out...
Got a big grin on my face as I type this, it was such a fab experience. The best thing was this was with my friend. I was in awe of Raf. Amazing!
As he finished doing all the checks I was frantically taking loads of pictures and looking at all the buttons, dials and taking in all the sounds, smells and feel of the aircraft. Raf said this one was quite old, around 1970's. It looked that way too, had old tan seats and all the fixtures inside we old looking. It was really cool!
Here's Raf finalising all the checks before take off!
Then we were ready to set off!
Once up in the air, we went over Otley, Harrogate, Wetherby, Boston Spa - (took a photo of West Oaks everyone at my work who's reading this) I told Raf my work's other site was at Boston Spa and he turned so I could get a good photo, bad idea. I felt really sick after this! But managed to keep myself together, just!
I only really rememeber seeing Cookridge after this - our old street..as I went a bit faint feeling and all hot... Raf was asking if I was ok. Giggling about this moment, so funny...!
This is us coming in to land! Those are squished flies on the windscreen... yum...
I started to feel a lot better and cooled down. We landed with a little bit of a bump and made a quick exit from the runway. We pulled up back where we started. It had been so exhilarating to be so high up and see so many beautiful sights. Anthony walked over to the plane to greet us and was smiling. I was shaking and smiling! I needed a drink, opted for water, but could have easily had a vodka!
There were lots of people at the multi-flight cafe all smiling at me and asking if I had had a good flight. It was a lovely atmosphere. Plus the sun was shining and it was beautiful weather.
I gave Raf a big hug and thanked him. It had been such an amazing experience and a special one at that. :) Not everyone gets to do something like that, I feel very lucky. x
52. Easter weekend
Easter time...
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| Burnsall - our picnic place |
 |
| Me blowing bubbles :) |
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| Burnsall church |
 |
| The eggs I painted with Mum |
 |
| Easter breakfast |
Zig is trying to pretend he meant to do this.
On Easter Sunday, we went to the cinema with Raf, Rachel, Stacey, Neil and Chris. It was lovely to spend time with them and catch up. We got to see Raf and Rachel's new house too which is beautiful. Later in the day they came to ours and we had a spontaneous BBQ. We managed to mangle together a really nice little spread of food and had a good laugh. Andy and Louise came over too! I love nights like that when people all come together unplanned. They're the best. We watched John Bishop on dvd, hadn't seen it before, it was really really funny!
I went to bed late and laid thinking about the last few days. I would never have thought 4 weeks ago when I was first diagnosed with Cancer, that my Easter time would contain seeing and being with so many people I love. I didn't think I would be well enough to go anywhere or see anyone.
I drifted off to sleep, counting my blessings.
51. hmmmumph,
My body and mind are still doing pretty well. Not as much aches and pains, no sickness still, no sore mouth, less wobbly on my feet.
I do feel a bit uncomfortable about something though.
It's to do with the steroids and weight gain. A lot of it might be water retention. I have also read that my body will crave certain foods to help it. Hayley at work chatted to me once about this from a book she was reading. How we shouldn't ban types of food from our body. If we crave it, it's our body's way of telling us we need that thing. It's about fair consumption and not overdoing it I guess.
Plus, I know I am less toned now because my exercise has stopped - a knock on effect from feeling weak and resting my body between chemo. I feel guilty, that I should be exercising and pushing myself. But then the other part of my brain kicks in and says, stop stressing, you look and feel fine, just rest your body. This is going to happen. I battle with this a lot at the moment, especially in the last few days when I have been stronger and not felt ill. I have thought about doing some gentle exercises and Anthony tried helping me by suggesting to do some very gentle weights each day to help tone my arms etc. Maybe I could try some, even if it's to help me feel better and release some endorphines... I just need a bit more belief in doing it, but don't want to push my body too far. If I start it I need to know when to stop.
I also have a bit of a sniffle and sore throat. Painkillers help with these.
I was very touched by a special card that came in the post on Saturday... I received this from the staff at Hawksworth CE Primary. I still keep in touch with friends from there and spoke to Jean soon after I was diagnosed.
To get these cards, reminded me of all the special people there and all the wonderful times I had at Hawksworth!
So thoughtful.. Thank you all x
I do feel a bit uncomfortable about something though.
It's to do with the steroids and weight gain. A lot of it might be water retention. I have also read that my body will crave certain foods to help it. Hayley at work chatted to me once about this from a book she was reading. How we shouldn't ban types of food from our body. If we crave it, it's our body's way of telling us we need that thing. It's about fair consumption and not overdoing it I guess.
Plus, I know I am less toned now because my exercise has stopped - a knock on effect from feeling weak and resting my body between chemo. I feel guilty, that I should be exercising and pushing myself. But then the other part of my brain kicks in and says, stop stressing, you look and feel fine, just rest your body. This is going to happen. I battle with this a lot at the moment, especially in the last few days when I have been stronger and not felt ill. I have thought about doing some gentle exercises and Anthony tried helping me by suggesting to do some very gentle weights each day to help tone my arms etc. Maybe I could try some, even if it's to help me feel better and release some endorphines... I just need a bit more belief in doing it, but don't want to push my body too far. If I start it I need to know when to stop.
I also have a bit of a sniffle and sore throat. Painkillers help with these.
I was very touched by a special card that came in the post on Saturday... I received this from the staff at Hawksworth CE Primary. I still keep in touch with friends from there and spoke to Jean soon after I was diagnosed.
To get these cards, reminded me of all the special people there and all the wonderful times I had at Hawksworth!
So thoughtful.. Thank you all x
Enclosed were 2 cards from the children I worked with when they were in Reception. Now they're Year 6, hard to believe....! Thank you Helen xx
I am growing some sunflowers and they seem to be doing really well. They're only 2 weeks old!
Sophie came to see me on sat afternoon.
It was really lovely to see her. She brought Mars ice creams, so we sat and devored one each as we had a catch up.
It was really lovely to see her. She brought Mars ice creams, so we sat and devored one each as we had a catch up.
Anthony's parents came for tea in the evening.
It was another really special day!
It was another really special day!
Saturday 23 April 2011
50. Us
Thank you to Laura for secretly taking this photo as we enjoyed a relaxing moment by the river...
49. And it was a GOOD Friday
What a totally special day!
We had a wonderful time with Laura and James. So special. We went to Burnsall :)
On the way there....Excited, happy, giddy, carefree, relaxed. I was feeling all these feelings and more. I felt like I wanted to burst with passion and creativity. Being a passenger in the back seat, I had the window down and reached my arm out into the cool air; my arm flying, driving a draught of air to my face. The bright green hills and endless blue skies. The hazy horizon in the distance. The sheep and lambs nuzzling into the grass. James shouting BAA. The sound of our favourite songs on the radio. That belly feeling going over the hills of the roads. The smell of the fresh, sweet air. I was lapping up every sight, sound and smell. As we laughed, joked and chatted I kept thinking, I can't believe I am doing this. A day out somewhere far from home was the last thing I had imagined the other day when I had felt so poorly. I stuck my head of the window and felt the fast air hit my face. My sunglasses budged slightly. Best hold onto them a bit there. I could feel my ears niggling a bit with the air so I wrapped my pashmina close around my neck and ears. It felt so cozy in the sun's warmth.
Winding round the smaller roads we were almost there. Laura and me were like giddy school children. We were all hungry and wanted to enjoy the food. 'Park anywhere, just dump it!' We were grateful to find a space right outside the village shop. Bit of handy parallel parking and Anthony bashing his head on the window trying to look round to help James park, ha, was funny, he thought he'd left it open. We giggled for a while at this. Laura especially.
We found our spot and laid out the blankets and set out the picnic. It was yum. Lots of yummy treats from M&S and all in the sunshine with fab company. There were many families there and plenty of people in the river with dinghies.
After a lovely picnic and a relaxing lay down, I wanted to take us all to a lovely spot further up the river, near the church. I had been there before with Gaynor - we had been for a spontaneous day out before there and sat quietly and relaxed. We saw a kingfisher and watched him for a long while. So pretty. We walked to the spot and relaxed again. Whilst walking there I was ahead of the others, not because I was rushing ahead, just because my feet were walking and my body was telling me to keep going. I wanted to listen to it. I wanted to be able to make the most of this feeling. I counted my blessings every time I saw something beautiful.
I spotted a graceful heron and some pretty dancing cabbage white butterflies, but was a bit disappointed there was no mr electric blue kingfisher. Probably it was too noisy and busy for him.
We blew bubbles and watched them float to the river surface. The sun still felt strong and warm at 5pm. We talked about our weekend plans and next weekend, the royal wedding.. how it felt so summery and it was only April and how we want this weather to stay as long as possible! So lovely to be outside.
We walked back along the river and went for an ice cream. We had banana, Laura had mint choc and James had vanilla. It was that Brymor ice cream. Hmmmmm! James and Anthony skimmed some stones and I dipped my toes into the chilly water. It felt so cold at first, then refreshing.
The river banks had calmed down a bit now, most people had left for the day.
We made tracks and headed home. The drive home felt short and sweet. We decided to head back to Laura and James' for a brew and grab some fish and chips later on. They were scrummy. Back at theirs, Domino, their rabbit, was in her run that Anthony has built for them last week.
She was all happy and giddy, flipping and twitching, jumping and looked so grateful. Standing on her back legs and sniffing the air.
Anthony looked pleased and proud :) James was explaining how much happier Domino was with her run and how grateful they were. Bless.
Today was so beautiful. It was lovely to be picked up and driven out somewhere. Even though I have felt really good all day, not having the pressure of driving and for Anthony too, it meant we could relax and take it all in. The whole day helped us to focus on the beautiful things around us and I didn't hardly think about my HL all day at all.
Today has shown me that I can have days out and enjoy things even when I am having Chemo. A week after my first one I am functioning a lot better than I expected I would be.
Yes, I have the odd ache and pain in places, but as long as I take my tablets, pain killers when needed, I am ok.
We both feel so relaxed tonight and didn't want it to end!
A day at home tomorrow.. in the garden I think and Anthony is going to do some work on his car. Ziggy will be pleased he can potter about and chill with us. He loves it when we're home, he doesnt venture far when we are close by.
Well, my peepers are shutting as I type... it's late...speak tomorrow .
Oh hang on forgot to say...
Nur nur cancer, I've had a fab 2nd day........!!!
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
We had a wonderful time with Laura and James. So special. We went to Burnsall :)
On the way there....Excited, happy, giddy, carefree, relaxed. I was feeling all these feelings and more. I felt like I wanted to burst with passion and creativity. Being a passenger in the back seat, I had the window down and reached my arm out into the cool air; my arm flying, driving a draught of air to my face. The bright green hills and endless blue skies. The hazy horizon in the distance. The sheep and lambs nuzzling into the grass. James shouting BAA. The sound of our favourite songs on the radio. That belly feeling going over the hills of the roads. The smell of the fresh, sweet air. I was lapping up every sight, sound and smell. As we laughed, joked and chatted I kept thinking, I can't believe I am doing this. A day out somewhere far from home was the last thing I had imagined the other day when I had felt so poorly. I stuck my head of the window and felt the fast air hit my face. My sunglasses budged slightly. Best hold onto them a bit there. I could feel my ears niggling a bit with the air so I wrapped my pashmina close around my neck and ears. It felt so cozy in the sun's warmth.
Winding round the smaller roads we were almost there. Laura and me were like giddy school children. We were all hungry and wanted to enjoy the food. 'Park anywhere, just dump it!' We were grateful to find a space right outside the village shop. Bit of handy parallel parking and Anthony bashing his head on the window trying to look round to help James park, ha, was funny, he thought he'd left it open. We giggled for a while at this. Laura especially.
We found our spot and laid out the blankets and set out the picnic. It was yum. Lots of yummy treats from M&S and all in the sunshine with fab company. There were many families there and plenty of people in the river with dinghies.
After a lovely picnic and a relaxing lay down, I wanted to take us all to a lovely spot further up the river, near the church. I had been there before with Gaynor - we had been for a spontaneous day out before there and sat quietly and relaxed. We saw a kingfisher and watched him for a long while. So pretty. We walked to the spot and relaxed again. Whilst walking there I was ahead of the others, not because I was rushing ahead, just because my feet were walking and my body was telling me to keep going. I wanted to listen to it. I wanted to be able to make the most of this feeling. I counted my blessings every time I saw something beautiful.
I spotted a graceful heron and some pretty dancing cabbage white butterflies, but was a bit disappointed there was no mr electric blue kingfisher. Probably it was too noisy and busy for him.
We blew bubbles and watched them float to the river surface. The sun still felt strong and warm at 5pm. We talked about our weekend plans and next weekend, the royal wedding.. how it felt so summery and it was only April and how we want this weather to stay as long as possible! So lovely to be outside.
We walked back along the river and went for an ice cream. We had banana, Laura had mint choc and James had vanilla. It was that Brymor ice cream. Hmmmmm! James and Anthony skimmed some stones and I dipped my toes into the chilly water. It felt so cold at first, then refreshing.
The river banks had calmed down a bit now, most people had left for the day.
We made tracks and headed home. The drive home felt short and sweet. We decided to head back to Laura and James' for a brew and grab some fish and chips later on. They were scrummy. Back at theirs, Domino, their rabbit, was in her run that Anthony has built for them last week.
She was all happy and giddy, flipping and twitching, jumping and looked so grateful. Standing on her back legs and sniffing the air.
Anthony looked pleased and proud :) James was explaining how much happier Domino was with her run and how grateful they were. Bless.
Today was so beautiful. It was lovely to be picked up and driven out somewhere. Even though I have felt really good all day, not having the pressure of driving and for Anthony too, it meant we could relax and take it all in. The whole day helped us to focus on the beautiful things around us and I didn't hardly think about my HL all day at all.
Today has shown me that I can have days out and enjoy things even when I am having Chemo. A week after my first one I am functioning a lot better than I expected I would be.
Yes, I have the odd ache and pain in places, but as long as I take my tablets, pain killers when needed, I am ok.
We both feel so relaxed tonight and didn't want it to end!
A day at home tomorrow.. in the garden I think and Anthony is going to do some work on his car. Ziggy will be pleased he can potter about and chill with us. He loves it when we're home, he doesnt venture far when we are close by.
Well, my peepers are shutting as I type... it's late...speak tomorrow .
Oh hang on forgot to say...
Nur nur cancer, I've had a fab 2nd day........!!!
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Friday 22 April 2011
48. PICNIC!
I AM SMILING.
The weather is glorious. Anthony is off work now for 11 days. We're getting picked up by Laura and James and we're going for a picnic somewhere pretty, not sure where yet.
Been to M&S and got lots of yummy foods. I can't believe I was well enough! Walking round with a shopping basket on my arm (until it got heavy and I passed it to Anthony) dodging all the shoppers barging everywhere. I felt so ALIVE! so excited. Like it had all gone. I have been driving too. I love driving..
I have got my H&M dress on today, blue jersey, all comfy and lovely. Feeling good. Got my denim pumps on too, they're so cute.
Well, gonna dash as they'll be here soon. I just wanted to nip on and say hi. Hope you're having a lovely Good Friday whatever you're doing - speak soon x
The weather is glorious. Anthony is off work now for 11 days. We're getting picked up by Laura and James and we're going for a picnic somewhere pretty, not sure where yet.
Been to M&S and got lots of yummy foods. I can't believe I was well enough! Walking round with a shopping basket on my arm (until it got heavy and I passed it to Anthony) dodging all the shoppers barging everywhere. I felt so ALIVE! so excited. Like it had all gone. I have been driving too. I love driving..
I have got my H&M dress on today, blue jersey, all comfy and lovely. Feeling good. Got my denim pumps on too, they're so cute.
Well, gonna dash as they'll be here soon. I just wanted to nip on and say hi. Hope you're having a lovely Good Friday whatever you're doing - speak soon x
Thursday 21 April 2011
47. Feeling GREAT (and 47 is Mum's fave number, haha....)
Best day yet everyone!
I feel like I want to dance down the street in some sort of Disney song.
It'd probably have to be 'Be our guest' from Beauty and the Beast!
Twirling and jumping some sort of technical ballet jump to the crashes of cymbals! Ok. I may be a bit ahead of myself here. But - I can't help it. I just feel so much better.... less aching again, ear pain hardly there. No sore mouth. No sickness.
Had a great night's sleep. Some bizarre dreams which I can't remember now.
My first achievement of the day was being able to have the energy to put the recycle bin out. WOW! But as soon as I'd done that without realising I thought, hmmm... good day ahead here.
I feel like I want to dance down the street in some sort of Disney song.
It'd probably have to be 'Be our guest' from Beauty and the Beast!
Twirling and jumping some sort of technical ballet jump to the crashes of cymbals! Ok. I may be a bit ahead of myself here. But - I can't help it. I just feel so much better.... less aching again, ear pain hardly there. No sore mouth. No sickness.
Had a great night's sleep. Some bizarre dreams which I can't remember now.
My first achievement of the day was being able to have the energy to put the recycle bin out. WOW! But as soon as I'd done that without realising I thought, hmmm... good day ahead here.
I had the best bubble bath and pampered myself for about 3 hours. Did my nails, toe nails, deep conditioned my hair. When I was doing my nails the postman arrived with my Avojuice handcream! Timing. Thank you :)
Would recommend these for a gift for someone, they smell delicious!!
Had a yummy lunch of tuna, rice and salad.
So it's a week today since my Chemo.
Because I feel good today I am hoping that this is the start of the better times inbetween treatments.. if this good feeling continues Anthony and I will be able to go to the coast next week and have a great fast drive out somewhere. I want to make a great soundtrack to listen to --- Speed Demon - Michael Jackson will be the first track. Awesome track to speed, I mean - drive to.... :P
Any driving anthems anyone has let me know!!
Man in the mirror is on now.
How good is music for making you feel different and enhancing your mood?
Got 2 more lovely cards in the post, from Tracy and Jane at Thorner CE Primary xx Going to write back to them soon. Really beautiful messages. Thank you xx
Just been listening to this song earlier too - I had this on repeat when I ran the Race For Life a few years ago.
Bit ironic.
But the song holds even more meaning for me now. Listen to it - it makes you feel powerful. (In the words of R1's Scott Mills, it's a movie moment - getting off the bus with your headphones on, timing the song so it gets to the good bit as you jump off the bus. Ha, used to do that when I got the bus to uni... funny)
Enjoy! xxxx
Wednesday 20 April 2011
46. Scans and tests ok
The CT and PET scan show that I do not have any enlarged nodes below the diaphragm. Therefore the cancer I have is stage 2. Also - the dreaded bone marrow test AKA big needle in my hip... showed that it hasn't spread to the marrow.
Good stuff. Stage 2.
Survival rate is 90 - 95%
Let's do this.
45. Thank you
Thank you to all of you who are getting in touch after reading my blog. Just about each time I log on I am greeted with support, advice, ideas, well wishes, feedback about the blog and much more.
I want you to know that your actions really make a difference to my day, my coping and my wellbeing.
A small ''hello/thinking of you/what you up to/I'd like to come see you'' in my inbox is a click away, but it reminds me who I am and that I am still Liz even though I have this illness.
...here comes Zig nuzzling up for a cuddle. He won't be happy now I have to move him to get my stationery! Night night everyone xx
I want you to know that your actions really make a difference to my day, my coping and my wellbeing.
A small ''hello/thinking of you/what you up to/I'd like to come see you'' in my inbox is a click away, but it reminds me who I am and that I am still Liz even though I have this illness.
I have felt well enough to go up to the shops tonight to buy some new note paper and pens. I'm going to write those letters I was talking about the other day. Going to put some Jon Hopkins on my i-tunes and relax...
...here comes Zig nuzzling up for a cuddle. He won't be happy now I have to move him to get my stationery! Night night everyone xx
44. Much improved!
Feeling good this evening!
Laura and James came over for a couple of hours or so last night and then Chris too.
I felt really poorly and weak but it was great to see them all and it helped me so much and was nice for Anthony. He'd had a catch up with his mate Aaron too earlier on.
Laura offered to help me with some relaxation which was fab. It sent me to sleep and I slept right through the night.
Woke up this morning to a lovely text message from Debbie. Asking me to turn on the radio as a song memory was on. Reminded us of Tom's 80's party last August. Me, Soph, Debs and Laura all blasting out the tunes and singing. ( or screeching.)
Good times!
I got up and had some breakfast and watched 'The Reckoning' that I had recorded last night. Was pretty good. After that I watched some more Disney - The Little Mermaid. Was funny to find out that I still remember it pretty much word for word!
Have ordered some Disney dvd's on buy one get one free from Play.com. Really looking forward to them arriving in the post. Also waiting for some Avojuice hand cream, a mini's kit from Ebay. Hope it comes tomorrow. Hmmm fruity...yum.
I've had aches all day, all over my body. Mainly my back and neck. It's really similar to flu symptoms.
My ears are heaps better now. A tiny dull ache every so often but no where near as bad as they were. Hurray!
Not had as much light sensitivity today either or head aches.
Have been unsteady on my feet and losing balance a bit - which is comical.
Managed to do some washing up today though. Wow!
Not like the other day when I got caught by Rebecca - I was sneaking some hoovering in before she bobbed over. Nearly killed me! Well and truly caught! Slapped wrists!
Tea's cooking. Pasta with chicken bacon and tomato. *drool*
It's a week since my Chemo tomoz and a week til the next one. Feels strange. I hope before next Thursday that we can get some days out somewhere, before I start to feel rubbish again. Anthony wants to go to the east coast and we're hoping to go for a picnic with Laura and James. It'll be nice to get some photos and relax together.
We're going to watch a film now and have tea. Might be on later xxx
Please, keep your messages coming - Any time x
Laura and James came over for a couple of hours or so last night and then Chris too.
I felt really poorly and weak but it was great to see them all and it helped me so much and was nice for Anthony. He'd had a catch up with his mate Aaron too earlier on.
Laura offered to help me with some relaxation which was fab. It sent me to sleep and I slept right through the night.
Woke up this morning to a lovely text message from Debbie. Asking me to turn on the radio as a song memory was on. Reminded us of Tom's 80's party last August. Me, Soph, Debs and Laura all blasting out the tunes and singing. ( or screeching.)
Good times!
I got up and had some breakfast and watched 'The Reckoning' that I had recorded last night. Was pretty good. After that I watched some more Disney - The Little Mermaid. Was funny to find out that I still remember it pretty much word for word!
Have ordered some Disney dvd's on buy one get one free from Play.com. Really looking forward to them arriving in the post. Also waiting for some Avojuice hand cream, a mini's kit from Ebay. Hope it comes tomorrow. Hmmm fruity...yum.
I've had aches all day, all over my body. Mainly my back and neck. It's really similar to flu symptoms.
My ears are heaps better now. A tiny dull ache every so often but no where near as bad as they were. Hurray!
Not had as much light sensitivity today either or head aches.
Have been unsteady on my feet and losing balance a bit - which is comical.
Managed to do some washing up today though. Wow!
Not like the other day when I got caught by Rebecca - I was sneaking some hoovering in before she bobbed over. Nearly killed me! Well and truly caught! Slapped wrists!
Tea's cooking. Pasta with chicken bacon and tomato. *drool*
It's a week since my Chemo tomoz and a week til the next one. Feels strange. I hope before next Thursday that we can get some days out somewhere, before I start to feel rubbish again. Anthony wants to go to the east coast and we're hoping to go for a picnic with Laura and James. It'll be nice to get some photos and relax together.
We're going to watch a film now and have tea. Might be on later xxx
Please, keep your messages coming - Any time x
43. Disney
Mum rabbit: 'Mind your manners'
Tagalong: 'Yeah, mind your meddles!'
Me and my mum love it. We always say it.
Watching The Little Mermaid at the moment.
I think Disney films are my new tonic!
Just been looking at Wikipedia and I think I need to do some dvd shopping or renting! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Disney_theatrical_feature_films
Tuesday 19 April 2011
42. Update on the ears
Well.... good news! Ear pain has taken a little back seat!
Not sure what has happened in the last few hours or so, but things seemed to have got a lot better.
After I last wrote, I laid in the chair and snoozed for a bit. I got so cold, unbelieveable in the warmth we have had today, I know! But I had about 3 blankets round me and a fleece and was just right. Spoke to my Dad on the phone which helped a lot. Anthony bought me some more jelly, some yummy cherry coke and some massive cool straws to drink from.
Then it was weird. I had some cherry coke and a lemonade ice lolly and put Disney's Robin Hood on. It was like a childhood dream. It seemed to soothe me well! I had a giddy feeling and relaxed instantly!? I'm not gonna figure it out. Going with it. I felt so much better.
I snoozed a bit to the film and woke up to Anthony cooking tea. Had tea and I feel different again? There's still a tiny bit of pain there but nothing LIKE it was. I have aching bones like a flu feeling and still wearing sunglasses indoors!
My skin is all sore on my face again, got a big break out of spots which isn't pleasant, looking rough.
But who cares, I have had spots before.
I have had a really bad time with my skin. Hundreds of pounds worth of treatments, products and crazes. Anything to get rid of acne.
It's amazing - in a bad way, but just a few small yet rude comments that were given to me in my early 20's really affected my self confidence with my skin. Echoing in my head everytime I look in the mirror. Daily battles and distress about how I looked. Aiming to look perfect and feel perfect.
But now they're nothing. Insignificant in comparison to this. They'll still be nothing too when I have got rid of this cancer.
I am certain that this experience will totally shift my perspective from my hang ups and worries that have certainly haunted me for so long. It's over. For good.
Aw.. Zig has just bundled himself up next to me on the sofa. Adorable. Hoping for a continued - less pain - evening. Fingers crossed the ear infection is making an exit!!
Not sure what has happened in the last few hours or so, but things seemed to have got a lot better.
After I last wrote, I laid in the chair and snoozed for a bit. I got so cold, unbelieveable in the warmth we have had today, I know! But I had about 3 blankets round me and a fleece and was just right. Spoke to my Dad on the phone which helped a lot. Anthony bought me some more jelly, some yummy cherry coke and some massive cool straws to drink from.
Then it was weird. I had some cherry coke and a lemonade ice lolly and put Disney's Robin Hood on. It was like a childhood dream. It seemed to soothe me well! I had a giddy feeling and relaxed instantly!? I'm not gonna figure it out. Going with it. I felt so much better.
I snoozed a bit to the film and woke up to Anthony cooking tea. Had tea and I feel different again? There's still a tiny bit of pain there but nothing LIKE it was. I have aching bones like a flu feeling and still wearing sunglasses indoors!
My skin is all sore on my face again, got a big break out of spots which isn't pleasant, looking rough.
But who cares, I have had spots before.
I have had a really bad time with my skin. Hundreds of pounds worth of treatments, products and crazes. Anything to get rid of acne.
It's amazing - in a bad way, but just a few small yet rude comments that were given to me in my early 20's really affected my self confidence with my skin. Echoing in my head everytime I look in the mirror. Daily battles and distress about how I looked. Aiming to look perfect and feel perfect.
But now they're nothing. Insignificant in comparison to this. They'll still be nothing too when I have got rid of this cancer.
I am certain that this experience will totally shift my perspective from my hang ups and worries that have certainly haunted me for so long. It's over. For good.
Aw.. Zig has just bundled himself up next to me on the sofa. Adorable. Hoping for a continued - less pain - evening. Fingers crossed the ear infection is making an exit!!
41. Trip to Ward 7 at 10.30pm
Anthony had to call Ward 7 for me last night.
He explained I was having problems with pain in both my ears, right down my neck. I had tried heat, ice, painkillers but nothing seemed to make it go away. Everytime I tried to flush out my system by drinking water I would get a stabbing pain each time I swallowed. By half 10 last night I was sat crying in agony and just wanted the pain gone.
The doctor on ward 7 said it was probably best to drive there and get checked out.
We're about 5 miles away from BRI and it really does feel like a quick journey, which I am so grateful for.
Even though I was in so much pain on the way there, I remember being able to appreciate the summery smell in the air. Which was made me happy. This could be happening to me in the middle of winter.
We parked up at the front entrance and found a space straight away. Anthony went to the pay and display machine.
I felt like I was dreaming.
Ward 7 was obviously like a ghost town at that time. Anthony was propping me up as we walked in. We waited in the room that I had been given Chemo. It felt spooky. Being in that room and being in there at night. We waited about half an hour and a nurse came to check my blood pressure and take some blood to check my bloodcount. About 45 mins of waiting the doctor came through. He checked my ears and said that there was no discharge and that the problem seemed to be an inner ear infection, a virus. Which meant I would have to wait for it to leave my body. I was given some anti sickness tablets for the dizzyness and some high dose ibuprofen.
But we couldn't go home, the doctor wanted us to wait for the bloodtest results to come back to check I was ok to go home. I was worried, I didn't want to stay in over night. I just wanted my home, my bed and sleep. We both just flaked out in the ward and fell asleep for about an hour. The doctor and the nurse woke us up and told us that my blood count was ok and we were free to go. We were both really relieved.
We walked back to the car and I felt happy that we had been to the hospital and I hadn't suffered all night without being checked by a doctor.
It was about half 1 when we got in.
Anthony was really tired, but never complained once. He said he would speak to his work in the morning and stay with me through the day. I am so glad he has. I didn't get out of bed until 12.00pm. I couldn't hardly move. The pain was unbearable. I didn't have the strength to cry. Anthony had to lift me out of bed and help me into the shower. Which was the best thing to do. I feel lots better than I did if I had just been moping in bed. I have had lunch and taken more pain relief. Now I am sat in the garden, in the famous chair, under a parasol, with a blanket, a wheat bag round my neck, wearing a fleece and my sunglasses. I look like an really really old person dressed up for the middle of winter but I am comfy. haha.
I can hear the beautiful sound of blackbirds singing and bees buzzing. I am so happy it's not winter. There isnt a cloud in the sky.
Ziggy isn't far away and keeps bobbing back to check I am ok. Sniffing the blanket and nudging me, collapsing in the sun and bathing in it.
I guess I just have to rest rest rest now and wait for this ear pain to leave.
At times I want to cry but the tears won't happen. I just feel stunned that this is what it is going to be like. Shocked. Frightened. My life is about tablets and drugs for the short term and there isn't anything I can do about it but sit it out and wait. I pray that things will ease a bit. I keep trying to look for the happy things, the sunshine, the flowers, the blue sky. I am grateful for everything I have and everyone I have around me. I just can't help being so frustrated at this pain.
Hope to be back on soon with my usual cheer xx Sorry xx
He explained I was having problems with pain in both my ears, right down my neck. I had tried heat, ice, painkillers but nothing seemed to make it go away. Everytime I tried to flush out my system by drinking water I would get a stabbing pain each time I swallowed. By half 10 last night I was sat crying in agony and just wanted the pain gone.
The doctor on ward 7 said it was probably best to drive there and get checked out.
We're about 5 miles away from BRI and it really does feel like a quick journey, which I am so grateful for.
Even though I was in so much pain on the way there, I remember being able to appreciate the summery smell in the air. Which was made me happy. This could be happening to me in the middle of winter.
We parked up at the front entrance and found a space straight away. Anthony went to the pay and display machine.
I felt like I was dreaming.
Ward 7 was obviously like a ghost town at that time. Anthony was propping me up as we walked in. We waited in the room that I had been given Chemo. It felt spooky. Being in that room and being in there at night. We waited about half an hour and a nurse came to check my blood pressure and take some blood to check my bloodcount. About 45 mins of waiting the doctor came through. He checked my ears and said that there was no discharge and that the problem seemed to be an inner ear infection, a virus. Which meant I would have to wait for it to leave my body. I was given some anti sickness tablets for the dizzyness and some high dose ibuprofen.
But we couldn't go home, the doctor wanted us to wait for the bloodtest results to come back to check I was ok to go home. I was worried, I didn't want to stay in over night. I just wanted my home, my bed and sleep. We both just flaked out in the ward and fell asleep for about an hour. The doctor and the nurse woke us up and told us that my blood count was ok and we were free to go. We were both really relieved.
We walked back to the car and I felt happy that we had been to the hospital and I hadn't suffered all night without being checked by a doctor.
It was about half 1 when we got in.
Anthony was really tired, but never complained once. He said he would speak to his work in the morning and stay with me through the day. I am so glad he has. I didn't get out of bed until 12.00pm. I couldn't hardly move. The pain was unbearable. I didn't have the strength to cry. Anthony had to lift me out of bed and help me into the shower. Which was the best thing to do. I feel lots better than I did if I had just been moping in bed. I have had lunch and taken more pain relief. Now I am sat in the garden, in the famous chair, under a parasol, with a blanket, a wheat bag round my neck, wearing a fleece and my sunglasses. I look like an really really old person dressed up for the middle of winter but I am comfy. haha.
I can hear the beautiful sound of blackbirds singing and bees buzzing. I am so happy it's not winter. There isnt a cloud in the sky.
Ziggy isn't far away and keeps bobbing back to check I am ok. Sniffing the blanket and nudging me, collapsing in the sun and bathing in it.
I guess I just have to rest rest rest now and wait for this ear pain to leave.
At times I want to cry but the tears won't happen. I just feel stunned that this is what it is going to be like. Shocked. Frightened. My life is about tablets and drugs for the short term and there isn't anything I can do about it but sit it out and wait. I pray that things will ease a bit. I keep trying to look for the happy things, the sunshine, the flowers, the blue sky. I am grateful for everything I have and everyone I have around me. I just can't help being so frustrated at this pain.
Hope to be back on soon with my usual cheer xx Sorry xx
Monday 18 April 2011
40. My food and drink list...
Cannot stop thinking about food.
At the moment these are the foods that I can stomach without any problems...
Walkers French Fries - Plain or salt and vinegar
Jacob's cream crackers
Primula soft cheese
Seafood sticks
Cooked chicken
Boiled eggs
Lettuce
Hovis wheatgerm bread
Rice
Pasta
Tinned peaches, prunes, fruit cocktail
Bottled water
Ginger beer
Strawberry cornetto
Lemonade ice lolly
Ice
I know. Weird.....! Not at all bothered about biscuits, chocolate, sweets at the moment. Which is ok by me...!
Struggling with a bad head ache at the moment and ear ache when I eat or drink. Similar to when I had my tonsils out?
Anthony's home which is so lovely. He has a block of time of work from this Friday, which is going to be so so nice. I hope I can feel well enough to do something on Good Friday.
Positives to remember this evening:
I still have no nausea
I have friends and family around to support me
I am one step closer to being better
I could have had a hurrendous reaction to my first chemo but all in all it's really not been that bad!
xxxxxxxxxx
At the moment these are the foods that I can stomach without any problems...
Walkers French Fries - Plain or salt and vinegar
Jacob's cream crackers
Primula soft cheese
Seafood sticks
Cooked chicken
Boiled eggs
Lettuce
Hovis wheatgerm bread
Rice
Pasta
Tinned peaches, prunes, fruit cocktail
Bottled water
Ginger beer
Strawberry cornetto
Lemonade ice lolly
Ice
I know. Weird.....! Not at all bothered about biscuits, chocolate, sweets at the moment. Which is ok by me...!
Struggling with a bad head ache at the moment and ear ache when I eat or drink. Similar to when I had my tonsils out?
Anthony's home which is so lovely. He has a block of time of work from this Friday, which is going to be so so nice. I hope I can feel well enough to do something on Good Friday.
Positives to remember this evening:
I still have no nausea
I have friends and family around to support me
I am one step closer to being better
I could have had a hurrendous reaction to my first chemo but all in all it's really not been that bad!
xxxxxxxxxx
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