Well. Chemo 10 is going to be delayed until next week now. My counts are too low!
Oh well. Guess I can build my strength up and try see some friends and catch up. I need some time where I don't feel so SO weak.
I'm so tired of talking today. Not to anyone in particular. Just talking about IT. Sometimes I find it tiring because I have difficulty thinking of the right words and explaining things is difficult. Thats why I love my blog.
Had a bit of a faff at the hospital this morning with a doctor I find hard to understand. But the outcome was good and I will be having morphine for the next time I have chemo.
Had a better chat with a Macmillan Nurse, a new one, she came to the house and was fantastic. She talked to me about my frustrations and was so very supportive. She knew what I was going on about and showed great empathy and understanding. Amazing.
Felt better after she left, then felt disappointment to hear my chemo is delayed. You'd think I'd be used to the disappointment. But you always gear yourself up for treatment. It takes a lot of mental strength for me to prepare and then poof, nothing til next week. Well.. positives are there - so just got to get over it.
Tired now. Need food then got to go and get some bits from Morrisons.
Think i'll watch a film this aft and do some doodling..
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Monday 29 August 2011
224. Kitchen - new blind, bunting and memo board
Here's the new blind and the homemade bunting that Mum and me have made.. :)
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| my fave fabric, so pretty... |
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| This was a basic cork memo board £1 from Wilko's that I transformed.... |
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| From Helen T :) |
223. Mill Farm Nursery Visit 2
Anthony and I were awake really early today. Again.
We decided to get up and go to Mill Farm Nursery (where mum and dad took me when I'd first been diagnosed) What a beautiful morning. The only people about were old men walking to get their morning papers, it was quite comical! Old men and joggers! (And some jogging old men.)
We had a fun drive there and laughed together whilst listening to our favourite songs. Being silly. I felt great, my legs felt good.
We got 12 shrubs for £15. Bargain! Mostly lavender, as we want to fill a section of the garden with it so we can harvest it each year. Also got a Buddleia and some Heather.
Whilst we were there we sat in the orchard and had fresh coffee. Amazing. A robin came to visit us and plenty of butterflies. One butterfly even landed on me!
Here are some photos :)
We decided to get up and go to Mill Farm Nursery (where mum and dad took me when I'd first been diagnosed) What a beautiful morning. The only people about were old men walking to get their morning papers, it was quite comical! Old men and joggers! (And some jogging old men.)
We had a fun drive there and laughed together whilst listening to our favourite songs. Being silly. I felt great, my legs felt good.
We got 12 shrubs for £15. Bargain! Mostly lavender, as we want to fill a section of the garden with it so we can harvest it each year. Also got a Buddleia and some Heather.
Whilst we were there we sat in the orchard and had fresh coffee. Amazing. A robin came to visit us and plenty of butterflies. One butterfly even landed on me!
Here are some photos :)
Sunday 28 August 2011
221. Leg pain, whole new pain
This morning I was in absolute agony with leg pain. It is a different pain to the bone pain. It's my nerves and is a pain that comes in waves. I was so out of it this morning. I just sobbed and wailed my head off. I have been so strong all week, I think I just needed to let it out and cry.. Anthony just held me and made me feel so safe and that it would come to an end eventually. I think it's amazing the way the power of a cuddle can soothe you. He got me tablets and pain killers and wheat bags and I eventually calmed down and we watched Aristocats and relaxed. :)
Later on, Mum and Dad came over and helped us with our new blind for the kitchen! Looks fantastic. Photos WILL follow. Just waiting to put a few more things up.
Anthony's Mum and Dad came over in the evening and we watched X Factor on Sky+ and enjoyed burger and chips, ooh was yum.
My Grandma has sent me loads of embroidery thread, material and lace as well as a magnifying glass for stitching. How sweet. I will have fun planning and making! Got ideas already.
Spent the evening making some felt flowers, they're are great fun and so easy to make but look so effective! :) Have got some on my pin board and going to make some as gifts and as decorations.
My eyes are closing and it's late, but at least I should sleep right through, I hope. Off for a bath to help my legs and to take some more pain killers.
I am on double dose of movicol now - so as not to get a troubled tummy again, fingers crossed... x
Saturday 27 August 2011
219. 100% REACHED!
Thank you to:
Jamie Phillips
Gaynor Auty
Karl Ayton
BECAUSE I JUST REACHED 100% !!!!
Jamie Phillips
Gaynor Auty
Karl Ayton
BECAUSE I JUST REACHED 100% !!!!
£500 raised for Bradford Cancer Support!
SOOOOOO HAPPY
Thank you EVERYONE who has donated!
Let's keep going !
218. Cozy cat cuddles
Had the loveliest sleep last night, it's been one of those where I feel rested, but was in and out of being awake with cuddles.
Zig wanted to get into the airing cupboard last night, so I moved the washing baskets so he could climb into them like a tunnel. He got in and stayed there for a bit. I went to bed and got comfy and woke up to the sound of him jumping up and settling down at my feet. I slept through until about 3am, when I heard the milkman clinking his bottles. He had a funky head torch on. Clever. (We've only recently started getting a milkman on our street.)
I was awake then. Zig turned over and stretched. I got back into bed and put Talksport on. Steve Berry is on at the moment. The phone in was about obesity and other things, but can't remember now! Regular callers phone in and almost have a catch up with the presenter and then they get into a little debate. Sometimes it gets heated and is really entertaining.
I listened for a bit and then dozed off. In and out of dozing, Zig was doing that content purr that has a sort of whinny in it, he was so happy! He kept pushing into my hand and nudging. I really feel like we've got closer this week. He's been so attentive and caring. I stroked his head and ear until he fell into a deep sleep and then I fell asleep again.. It felt so blissful.
Zig wanted to get into the airing cupboard last night, so I moved the washing baskets so he could climb into them like a tunnel. He got in and stayed there for a bit. I went to bed and got comfy and woke up to the sound of him jumping up and settling down at my feet. I slept through until about 3am, when I heard the milkman clinking his bottles. He had a funky head torch on. Clever. (We've only recently started getting a milkman on our street.)
I was awake then. Zig turned over and stretched. I got back into bed and put Talksport on. Steve Berry is on at the moment. The phone in was about obesity and other things, but can't remember now! Regular callers phone in and almost have a catch up with the presenter and then they get into a little debate. Sometimes it gets heated and is really entertaining.
I listened for a bit and then dozed off. In and out of dozing, Zig was doing that content purr that has a sort of whinny in it, he was so happy! He kept pushing into my hand and nudging. I really feel like we've got closer this week. He's been so attentive and caring. I stroked his head and ear until he fell into a deep sleep and then I fell asleep again.. It felt so blissful.
Friday 26 August 2011
217. Radio 1 Wonder Years
Had really bad aches today, my legs don't feel like my own!!
Was listening to Scott Mills earlier after my sleep. The Wonder Years was on... And he played this! I forgot ALL about this song.. Wow...
It brought back so many memories of 2003 (the best Summer) and I was jigging around (as best as I could) the bedroom in my dressing gown! What a sight, I felt fab! I got a rush of adrenaline and happiness! Good times...
Then Pam brought me some sunflowers and now I am going for fish and chip tea at mum and dad's... aw smiley friday... ! Tune!
Thursday 25 August 2011
216. Recent photos
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| I made these little bird canvas'. I am loving them! Want to make some more... |
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| Got these from the car boot sale. £5.50 for the pair! Hand made, so beautiful. |
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| Laura Ashley curtain to cover the pantry doorway |
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| Laura Ashley fabric, same as curtain, put in the frame that Anthony got me a couple of Christmasses ago...ties all the colours together. |
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| The birds :) in a happy place |
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| Most recent pic of me, this was yesterday afternoon |
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| Sewing box from TK Maxx, got my eye on this! I wannit! :) |
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| Want it even more, aw its gorgeous!! |
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| I'd like these too.... TK Maxx |
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| From Helen T xx |
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| From Helen T xx |
Wednesday 24 August 2011
215. Improved
ginger beer
mini cheddar bites
swizzle matlow chews
haribo pontefract cakes
lions liquorice gums
meat feast pizza
cheered me up. I managed to get out and drive this afternoon, felt weird at first. I drove to Morrisons. I slowly walked to find a small trolley. I couldnt find one anywhere a first, they'd all gone. I ended up having to go out of my way to find one. Usually in the fast paced world I have I would dash around and struggle with an over brimming had basket or just bundle everything in my arms. But feeling as slow and tired as I did, I wanted to feel normal and do something real, so I just walked at my own pace and sauntered to the other trolley park round the other side of the entrance. Watching other people rushing by about their business, seeing children with parents, families,... I felt so disjointed from the world. An old man took a double take at me as I walked towards him. That happens. It doesnt bother me.I just smile at them. I smile at most people who catch my eye to be honest. It's just something I've always done. When you get one back it's lovely.
I'd go as far to say that I feel proud of my shaved head. It's a fact that it's happened and I haven't really wanted to cover it or hide it. I have a few times, like with my head scarves - but this is sometimes to make others feel less awkward, not me, because I don't. Wigs just haven't done it for me either. Nice to try on, wear for an evening or a bit, but I couldn't keep one on for a full day. Itch.
Got music channels on tv at the moment and eating liquorice. It helps my tummy a lot.
Watching all the latest videos and where they're set, all the people dancing, looking happy. I know it's just a music video, but I want to feel that free. I feel entwined with 'being ill' and my body being battered from the effects of chemo.
I was having a bath last night and chatting to mum. I was out of it a bit with pain, but I remember saying how I want my body back. She comforted me and told me it would come back and I would get there. I have accepted the changes, yes, I have, I have adjusted to that and accepted it. But it doesnt mean I am happy and want to keep this pot belly, chunky bum, podgy thighs and heavy body. I am saying this because it's how I feel about what the drugs have done. It's for my records, not for any other reason. I need to remember this.
I want to have that feeling in my bones and muscles that I have exercised and feel the blood around my body working. .
To put my trainers on and to feel free to walk or jog.
To buy an outfit that makes me feel sexy and have my hair back. To feel the wind in my hair. To go out with my friends dancing and to really have a laugh.
To be asked how I am and for it not to be about cancer or chemo.
To go SWIMMING. Oh now that is one. I miss swimming so much. Too many germs at the moment, too risky.
To be me and not have so many hang ups like I did before cancer.
I got caught in a beautiful rain shower with a vanilla sky earlier. It was so pretty. I could feel autumn in the air.
mini cheddar bites
swizzle matlow chews
haribo pontefract cakes
lions liquorice gums
meat feast pizza
cheered me up. I managed to get out and drive this afternoon, felt weird at first. I drove to Morrisons. I slowly walked to find a small trolley. I couldnt find one anywhere a first, they'd all gone. I ended up having to go out of my way to find one. Usually in the fast paced world I have I would dash around and struggle with an over brimming had basket or just bundle everything in my arms. But feeling as slow and tired as I did, I wanted to feel normal and do something real, so I just walked at my own pace and sauntered to the other trolley park round the other side of the entrance. Watching other people rushing by about their business, seeing children with parents, families,... I felt so disjointed from the world. An old man took a double take at me as I walked towards him. That happens. It doesnt bother me.I just smile at them. I smile at most people who catch my eye to be honest. It's just something I've always done. When you get one back it's lovely.
I'd go as far to say that I feel proud of my shaved head. It's a fact that it's happened and I haven't really wanted to cover it or hide it. I have a few times, like with my head scarves - but this is sometimes to make others feel less awkward, not me, because I don't. Wigs just haven't done it for me either. Nice to try on, wear for an evening or a bit, but I couldn't keep one on for a full day. Itch.
Got music channels on tv at the moment and eating liquorice. It helps my tummy a lot.
Watching all the latest videos and where they're set, all the people dancing, looking happy. I know it's just a music video, but I want to feel that free. I feel entwined with 'being ill' and my body being battered from the effects of chemo.
I was having a bath last night and chatting to mum. I was out of it a bit with pain, but I remember saying how I want my body back. She comforted me and told me it would come back and I would get there. I have accepted the changes, yes, I have, I have adjusted to that and accepted it. But it doesnt mean I am happy and want to keep this pot belly, chunky bum, podgy thighs and heavy body. I am saying this because it's how I feel about what the drugs have done. It's for my records, not for any other reason. I need to remember this.
I want to have that feeling in my bones and muscles that I have exercised and feel the blood around my body working. .
To put my trainers on and to feel free to walk or jog.
To buy an outfit that makes me feel sexy and have my hair back. To feel the wind in my hair. To go out with my friends dancing and to really have a laugh.
To be asked how I am and for it not to be about cancer or chemo.
To go SWIMMING. Oh now that is one. I miss swimming so much. Too many germs at the moment, too risky.
To be me and not have so many hang ups like I did before cancer.
I got caught in a beautiful rain shower with a vanilla sky earlier. It was so pretty. I could feel autumn in the air.
214. Enough already
Phew. This week is a long one.
Day 3 of feeling terrible.
Bone ache, head ache, sick, bloated, gassy, nasty taste in mouth, exhausted.
Back on my anti sickness tablets now and they have helped a lot.
The cocodamol has worked as far as the pain killing goes but it's made me struggle with my bowels and has caused a lot of nausea.
Spent the evening last night at mum and dad's. Had tea with them again, was a struggle to get it down but it stayed down. I was so hungry but felt sick. So frustrating!
Felt better after a lovely bubble bath and then I went home. I slept right through the night and until 9am which is great, as usually I am awake at 6am.
I'm just flopped on the sofa at the moment watching a Hitchcock film.
Been to spend a bit of time with Pam's cats Rosie and Sweetpea this morning. I am feeding them this week as Pam and Katie are on a little camping holiday.
I just sat with them in the living room where the sun shone through the window and they both purred and nudged me for ages. They're missing their mummy big time! They seemed happier after a bit of attention and some more food :)
Zig doesnt understand where Anthony is. He's missing him, It's a weird week overall!
I am going to snooze and get some more rest now. Hoping to see Jen at some point, but depends if i am up to it. x
I keep looking into the kitchen and smiling. It looks so much better, so happy with it. The roller blind arrived last night, so we'll get that put up at the weekend and then the other things I am sewing. Yay.
Still need to do photos. Just not felt up to it.
Well.Fingers crossed I feel better later eh!
Day 3 of feeling terrible.
Bone ache, head ache, sick, bloated, gassy, nasty taste in mouth, exhausted.
Back on my anti sickness tablets now and they have helped a lot.
The cocodamol has worked as far as the pain killing goes but it's made me struggle with my bowels and has caused a lot of nausea.
Spent the evening last night at mum and dad's. Had tea with them again, was a struggle to get it down but it stayed down. I was so hungry but felt sick. So frustrating!
Felt better after a lovely bubble bath and then I went home. I slept right through the night and until 9am which is great, as usually I am awake at 6am.
I'm just flopped on the sofa at the moment watching a Hitchcock film.
Been to spend a bit of time with Pam's cats Rosie and Sweetpea this morning. I am feeding them this week as Pam and Katie are on a little camping holiday.
I just sat with them in the living room where the sun shone through the window and they both purred and nudged me for ages. They're missing their mummy big time! They seemed happier after a bit of attention and some more food :)
Zig doesnt understand where Anthony is. He's missing him, It's a weird week overall!
I am going to snooze and get some more rest now. Hoping to see Jen at some point, but depends if i am up to it. x
I keep looking into the kitchen and smiling. It looks so much better, so happy with it. The roller blind arrived last night, so we'll get that put up at the weekend and then the other things I am sewing. Yay.
Still need to do photos. Just not felt up to it.
Well.Fingers crossed I feel better later eh!
Tuesday 23 August 2011
213. Rest day
Slept really really well last night. Was content and happy when I woke up.
Took pain killlers at 7.30am and then went back to sleep on the sofa. All the time as I slept I had such a lovely feeling of being safe and happy. Snoozed again later after some food. For some reason I didn't manage to keep that food down, I don't know if it was the tablets or just a one off, I feel fine afterwards, just caught me out and didn't expect to be sick..
Have been resting all day and still feel tired. Have just had some more cocodamol as I still have bone pain and ear pain.
Took pain killlers at 7.30am and then went back to sleep on the sofa. All the time as I slept I had such a lovely feeling of being safe and happy. Snoozed again later after some food. For some reason I didn't manage to keep that food down, I don't know if it was the tablets or just a one off, I feel fine afterwards, just caught me out and didn't expect to be sick..
Have been resting all day and still feel tired. Have just had some more cocodamol as I still have bone pain and ear pain.
Monday 22 August 2011
212. Ear pain turned to neck pain... to all over pain...
Enjoyed a gorgeous evening at my mum and dad's. Had tea together, nothing like your mum's cooking. And had a lovely catch up. Mum helped me make some things I have been sewing. Will add photos soon!
Gradually as the evening has gone on, I can feel the bone pain getting worse. Just had a hot bath which seems to knock it back a bit. Am due some more cocodamol at midnight. The pain killers have been working today and only made me feel a little bit woozy. But I can feel the pain making me feel confused and not with it.
Have ordered some more lavender oil and nag champa insense today, can't wait for that to arrive. Both scents totally relax me and work wonders.
Gradually as the evening has gone on, I can feel the bone pain getting worse. Just had a hot bath which seems to knock it back a bit. Am due some more cocodamol at midnight. The pain killers have been working today and only made me feel a little bit woozy. But I can feel the pain making me feel confused and not with it.
Have ordered some more lavender oil and nag champa insense today, can't wait for that to arrive. Both scents totally relax me and work wonders.
210. Ear pain... :( already....
Taken some diclofenac for my ear pain - which started early this morning.. about 5am.
Got a wheat bag on my ears too which helps soothe the stabbing pain. Going to call the day unit as soon as they're in at 9am. Just to check what else I can take for the pain in combination with the diclofenac.
I got up as I couldn't sleep. So am just watching ER. Started to record it on Sky+ again. It's the season where Dr.Green gets poorly. Remember it being televised and me and Mum watching it together. Actress Sally Field is in this season too as Abby's mum. Amazing acting...
So happy with the kitchen, it looks really fresh and lovely! We both keep walking in there and going 'aww!'
I am still making some little bits to put up in there, but need to use the sewing machine at Mum's.
Nothing much else to say... Just going to try and nap a bit now and keep resting in between the tablets.
Got a wheat bag on my ears too which helps soothe the stabbing pain. Going to call the day unit as soon as they're in at 9am. Just to check what else I can take for the pain in combination with the diclofenac.
I got up as I couldn't sleep. So am just watching ER. Started to record it on Sky+ again. It's the season where Dr.Green gets poorly. Remember it being televised and me and Mum watching it together. Actress Sally Field is in this season too as Abby's mum. Amazing acting...
So happy with the kitchen, it looks really fresh and lovely! We both keep walking in there and going 'aww!'
I am still making some little bits to put up in there, but need to use the sewing machine at Mum's.
Nothing much else to say... Just going to try and nap a bit now and keep resting in between the tablets.
Sunday 21 August 2011
209. Content
Having a lovely weekend with Anthony. We took it easy yesterday, then did some painting in the kitchen and it looks really good. Feels like out kitchen now. Just got finishing touches to put up today; the curtain, some mini canvas' I have made, a photo frame, my home made notice board and some bargains from the car boot sale this morning - some handmade wooden heart spice rack shelving - really cute - but will be used for other things - not spices. Will post photos when all done. Also got a new roller blind on it's way from Ebay.
Going to put those up today and either put my new berries plants in the garden or make some more felt goodies to put up. The sun is shining beautifully and I'm going to make the most of being with Anthony today as he is going to work in London Mon - Fri. He can't turn it down as it's great experience for site work. I'm glad for him as it's something different and he enjoys being out on the road. I have planned to go for tea to Mum and Dad's a couple of nights - depending how I feel and also Jenny has offered for me to go there. So I will have plenty of company.
Feeling ok today - got chemo skin feeling - chemo tan, my skin goes darker and smoother. Chemo wee's which I'm not sure I have mentioned - they are cotton candy coloured for a few days. Nice bit of information for you there.
I'm awake at random times again due to the steroids. Again, I still feel like this round of chemo is similar to 4/5the session - similar side effects and timings of things. I'd have thought things would move on and react the same as last time, but not necessarily as it seems. I can't judge anything or guess work it.
The doctor at the hospital said that they couldn't tell me why I had bone pain as bad as I did. The only thing he could think of was that, because of my scan results after the 6th chemo, my body is pretty much clear and the chemo isn't really fighting anything out - so my bone marrow is over stimulated and reacting to the poision being put into me. At least now I have some 30/500mg of cocodamol now and so when/if the pain strikes again I can take those as soon as possible and just blast out the bone pain.
I have got some reiki on Tuesday which I hope I can attend - at Bradford Cancer Support - with Gary.
I am thinking a lot about Lynn Hale at the moment, a wonderful friend I have made through talking to people through my blog and linked through facebook friends. We have made a lovely connection and I we have sent each other things in the post to keep each other going. Lynn is in intensive care and has been since Thursday - I messaged her husband Martin yesterday -she had a bad reaction to her blood transfusion. It must be such a worrying time for her husband, family and loved ones. Please spare a thought and prayer xxx
Going to put those up today and either put my new berries plants in the garden or make some more felt goodies to put up. The sun is shining beautifully and I'm going to make the most of being with Anthony today as he is going to work in London Mon - Fri. He can't turn it down as it's great experience for site work. I'm glad for him as it's something different and he enjoys being out on the road. I have planned to go for tea to Mum and Dad's a couple of nights - depending how I feel and also Jenny has offered for me to go there. So I will have plenty of company.
Feeling ok today - got chemo skin feeling - chemo tan, my skin goes darker and smoother. Chemo wee's which I'm not sure I have mentioned - they are cotton candy coloured for a few days. Nice bit of information for you there.
I'm awake at random times again due to the steroids. Again, I still feel like this round of chemo is similar to 4/5the session - similar side effects and timings of things. I'd have thought things would move on and react the same as last time, but not necessarily as it seems. I can't judge anything or guess work it.
The doctor at the hospital said that they couldn't tell me why I had bone pain as bad as I did. The only thing he could think of was that, because of my scan results after the 6th chemo, my body is pretty much clear and the chemo isn't really fighting anything out - so my bone marrow is over stimulated and reacting to the poision being put into me. At least now I have some 30/500mg of cocodamol now and so when/if the pain strikes again I can take those as soon as possible and just blast out the bone pain.
I have got some reiki on Tuesday which I hope I can attend - at Bradford Cancer Support - with Gary.
I am thinking a lot about Lynn Hale at the moment, a wonderful friend I have made through talking to people through my blog and linked through facebook friends. We have made a lovely connection and I we have sent each other things in the post to keep each other going. Lynn is in intensive care and has been since Thursday - I messaged her husband Martin yesterday -she had a bad reaction to her blood transfusion. It must be such a worrying time for her husband, family and loved ones. Please spare a thought and prayer xxx
Friday 19 August 2011
208. i really like these...
60 Ways To Become The Person You Love
Below are 60 ideas for glowing:60. Eliminate shoulds.
59. Enjoy down time.
58. Run towards your fears.
57. Be dependable.
56. Embrace self-responsibility.
55. Be completely honest.
54. First meet your own needs.
53. Notice the beauty around you.
52. Open your mind to change.
50. Set attainable goals.
49. Go at your own pace.
48. Honor your individuality.
47. Open yourself to umlimited possibilities.
46. See the humor in things.
45. Celebrate your imperfections.
44. Reward yourself.
43. Be flexible.
42. Be gentle with yourself.
41. Be open to being wrong.
40. Laugh for no reason.
39. Light candles.
38. Enjoy nature.
37. Get a message.
36. Congratulate yourself.
35. Know yourself.
34. Appreciate where you are today.
33. Give yourself space.
32. Breathe mindfully.
31. Communicate your emotions.
30. Learn to relax.
29. Meditate.
28. Say no more often.
27. Experience new things.
26. Take mini breaks throughout the day.
25. Create personal affirmation cards, use daily.
24. Hang out with positively happy people.
23. Schedule fun times for yourself.
22. Make your car a sanctuary.
21. Dress for success.
20. Be impecably groomed.
19. Balance your energy.
18. Recharge your batteries.
17. Refuse to argue.
16. Balance your diet.
15. Sleep sound.
14. Persevere.
13. Feel and express gratitude.
12. Give up self put-downs.
11. Develop your intuition.
10. Learn to hold your own hand.
9. Accept your physical appearance.
8. Keep your cool.
7. Vent in a positive way.
6. Speak kindly of yourself.
5. Be brave.
4. Learn to calm yourself.
3. Listen to music.
2. Make the most of every opportunity.
1. Start fresh each day.
Instead of commenting take time for yourself today!
207. stuck awake
Still awake. Watching BB that I recorded on sky+ earlier. Had a yummy toasted tea cake and a lovely cuppa Earl Grey.
I have pins and needles in my fingers - normal for the first night of chemo effects.
I need to refresh my memory, but this chemo (9) is striking me to be similar to one from before. Sickness feeling, tired and tummy ache as soon as get home, jigging my body to try make the pain go and then being wide wide awake all night. It's 1.55am. So i'll be having a lie in wont' i?!
I have pins and needles in my fingers - normal for the first night of chemo effects.
I need to refresh my memory, but this chemo (9) is striking me to be similar to one from before. Sickness feeling, tired and tummy ache as soon as get home, jigging my body to try make the pain go and then being wide wide awake all night. It's 1.55am. So i'll be having a lie in wont' i?!
206. Old old old songs, from hospital radio
This song used to get requested quite a lot, something about it - i have always loved!!
Radio 2 use it on Steve Wright's show - just the intro (showing my geek side again eh.. you love it) from 2 mins 30 secs as a between songs/link track. Sorry I don't know the proper term or technical name for that. (!)
They used to love Perry Como!! I remember writing it down a lot.
Jonny Mathis was popular ....
This song and one other further down (lionel!) really opitimises hospital radio memories.... classic.. aw bless those days!!!
Love this song!!
I used to play this nearly every week! It's a child hood song that I love x
Those are just a few and I had to pop on a few sites to help me remember a few names. If i think of any others I will post them up xxx
Radio 2 use it on Steve Wright's show - just the intro (showing my geek side again eh.. you love it) from 2 mins 30 secs as a between songs/link track. Sorry I don't know the proper term or technical name for that. (!)
They used to love Perry Como!! I remember writing it down a lot.
Jonny Mathis was popular ....
This song and one other further down (lionel!) really opitimises hospital radio memories.... classic.. aw bless those days!!!
Love this song!!
I used to play this nearly every week! It's a child hood song that I love x
Those are just a few and I had to pop on a few sites to help me remember a few names. If i think of any others I will post them up xxx
205. Wide awake, smiling at the memories...
Chemo makes me feel ickky today. I feel nauseaus and tired but can't sleep for the icckyness.
So I have got up out of bed instead of wriggling in bed and being annoying. Got my i-tunes on and and relaxing in low light.
Just been creating some mix CD's - they'd be mix tapes if I had the technology still. Something about old skool mix tapes back in the day! I used to make them all the time! My dad got me a mix tape of a DJ friend when I was about 10 or 11 when I was showing an interest in becoming a radio DJ and I used to love listening to it. The stuff on there was basic dance but at the time top notch!
Dad even made a mixing desk for me with units he had lying around and other things he bought at car boots. I had vinyls of his and ones I bought from car boot sales. I used to mix and record myself talking, I was the next Zoe Ball. I took it further with hospital radio, voluntreering for the VBS when I got to 15. I had my own slot from 8.30 - 9 and took requests from the wards. Bits of it were scary - speaking to old poorly people and asking for their favourite songs. Admitedly and naturally I had no clue on some of the tracks - but over the time I was there I learnt a lot about artists, technology and developed my technique. It boosted my confidence and I found it was something I really enjoyed. I wish I had pursued it further really and have often thought about doing it again and looking into it at Leeds or Bradford hosptials.. It's something to think about I guess, voluntary work for a good cause.
Some of the tracks that used to get requested became songs I still love today as it brings back happy memories.
I'd go with my Dad to Grandma Ellis' house and we'd have fish and chips with her from Maypole Fisheries (used to be Ballingers, which I still call it.)
Then Dad would take me up to the hospital and drop me off. So songs from that time just make me think of special times with Dad and Grandma. Even smells in the weather make me stop and go, ooh hospital radio evening...!
I'm going to see if I can think of any now and add them on their own post..... xxxx
So I have got up out of bed instead of wriggling in bed and being annoying. Got my i-tunes on and and relaxing in low light.
Just been creating some mix CD's - they'd be mix tapes if I had the technology still. Something about old skool mix tapes back in the day! I used to make them all the time! My dad got me a mix tape of a DJ friend when I was about 10 or 11 when I was showing an interest in becoming a radio DJ and I used to love listening to it. The stuff on there was basic dance but at the time top notch!
Dad even made a mixing desk for me with units he had lying around and other things he bought at car boots. I had vinyls of his and ones I bought from car boot sales. I used to mix and record myself talking, I was the next Zoe Ball. I took it further with hospital radio, voluntreering for the VBS when I got to 15. I had my own slot from 8.30 - 9 and took requests from the wards. Bits of it were scary - speaking to old poorly people and asking for their favourite songs. Admitedly and naturally I had no clue on some of the tracks - but over the time I was there I learnt a lot about artists, technology and developed my technique. It boosted my confidence and I found it was something I really enjoyed. I wish I had pursued it further really and have often thought about doing it again and looking into it at Leeds or Bradford hosptials.. It's something to think about I guess, voluntary work for a good cause.
Some of the tracks that used to get requested became songs I still love today as it brings back happy memories.
I'd go with my Dad to Grandma Ellis' house and we'd have fish and chips with her from Maypole Fisheries (used to be Ballingers, which I still call it.)
Then Dad would take me up to the hospital and drop me off. So songs from that time just make me think of special times with Dad and Grandma. Even smells in the weather make me stop and go, ooh hospital radio evening...!
I'm going to see if I can think of any now and add them on their own post..... xxxx
Thursday 18 August 2011
204. True Colours.
A song which an old school friend Matt sent me a youtube link to. Made me feel really happy I cried.
It's a special song for me now.
203. Update on my zip slide sponsors
I have more thank you's to make!
Rachel Turk
Andrew Key
Ann Nash
Sofina Hadley
Sophie Parker
Louise Douglass
Mandi Wilson
Jenny Seymour
I think it's amazing how generous you have all been to a special cause that is supporting me.
I know and appreciate how giving to charities is popular and sometimes there always seems to be someone doing something to raise money. So the fact you have chosen BCS and to support me, means ever such a lot and really makes me feel all warm, fluffy and goosbumpy with happiness.
I will get plenty of photos - or should I say I'll ask Anthony to! I have had lots of people ask if they can some to the zip slide even on the 18th September. If you would like to come please send me an email, it would be great to hear from you! You get to see me zipping down a 40m high zip and for a distance of 220m. Have I thought this through?? Am I excited??
I haven't thought it through. I just thought - I wanna do something exciting and for a fab cause. Signed the papers and went for it!! Eeeeeeeee!
So my running total so far is £471!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have more to come from my Mum and Dad as they are collecting at their work. Anthony's Mum and Dad have sponsor sheets at their work's too. And a few people have asked me to send sponsor sheets to them so they can collect for me too. How generous and amazing. I am honesty bowled over.
I have met some incredible people since having cancer and certainly know who my real friends are now. I am learning so much.
Rachel Turk
Andrew Key
Ann Nash
Sofina Hadley
Sophie Parker
Louise Douglass
Mandi Wilson
Jenny Seymour
I think it's amazing how generous you have all been to a special cause that is supporting me.
I know and appreciate how giving to charities is popular and sometimes there always seems to be someone doing something to raise money. So the fact you have chosen BCS and to support me, means ever such a lot and really makes me feel all warm, fluffy and goosbumpy with happiness.
I will get plenty of photos - or should I say I'll ask Anthony to! I have had lots of people ask if they can some to the zip slide even on the 18th September. If you would like to come please send me an email, it would be great to hear from you! You get to see me zipping down a 40m high zip and for a distance of 220m. Have I thought this through?? Am I excited??
I haven't thought it through. I just thought - I wanna do something exciting and for a fab cause. Signed the papers and went for it!! Eeeeeeeee!
So my running total so far is £471!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have more to come from my Mum and Dad as they are collecting at their work. Anthony's Mum and Dad have sponsor sheets at their work's too. And a few people have asked me to send sponsor sheets to them so they can collect for me too. How generous and amazing. I am honesty bowled over.
I have met some incredible people since having cancer and certainly know who my real friends are now. I am learning so much.
202. My patchwork pillow
I've got this beautiful patchwork pillow case I got in Spain whilst on holiday in 2005. It's 100% cotton and so soft. It's recently become my comfort pillow when I feel rubbish. I used to be the same when I was younger, I have kept 'rose blanket' that Mum used to put over me when I was little on the sofa. I havent used it for a long time. But now thinking about it, I might dig it out and give it a wash and start using it. :)
Am sat here trying to keep my eyes open to be honest. I'm so tired, and have been back from chemo a couple of hours and felt a bit sick and bloated in my tummy. Got the new wheat bag on my tum and just gonna have a bite to eat and drink some water. Then it'll be bath and feet up time. I'd like to rest to a good film with Anthony.
Jen took me to chemo today. It was brill and went by fast. The needle went in well and Sally the nurse was able to find a good vein and it hardly hurt this time.
I also spoke to the doctor about my pain last week and he said that now I have the 30/500's of cocodamol for the pain I can take them as soon as any pain starts and blast it with that. the next step will be tramadol and then even morphine if i wish to have it. But there is a line of pain relief that I have to follow first before morphine can be given.
I got two gorgeous cards with letters today and yest from Aunty Helen (mum's sister) and Helen T )(mum's friend, and mine too) It's was really really nice to get them and to feel thought of. Need to see my aunty soon and am really looking forward to it when I do. xx Also Helen T has suggested me and Mum get together for a girly dvd night and relax, so need to try and find an evening when I feel up to it xxx
my tea's ready:)
Am sat here trying to keep my eyes open to be honest. I'm so tired, and have been back from chemo a couple of hours and felt a bit sick and bloated in my tummy. Got the new wheat bag on my tum and just gonna have a bite to eat and drink some water. Then it'll be bath and feet up time. I'd like to rest to a good film with Anthony.
Jen took me to chemo today. It was brill and went by fast. The needle went in well and Sally the nurse was able to find a good vein and it hardly hurt this time.
I also spoke to the doctor about my pain last week and he said that now I have the 30/500's of cocodamol for the pain I can take them as soon as any pain starts and blast it with that. the next step will be tramadol and then even morphine if i wish to have it. But there is a line of pain relief that I have to follow first before morphine can be given.
I got two gorgeous cards with letters today and yest from Aunty Helen (mum's sister) and Helen T )(mum's friend, and mine too) It's was really really nice to get them and to feel thought of. Need to see my aunty soon and am really looking forward to it when I do. xx Also Helen T has suggested me and Mum get together for a girly dvd night and relax, so need to try and find an evening when I feel up to it xxx
my tea's ready:)
Wednesday 17 August 2011
201. Chemo going ahead
No phone call from the day unit means chemo is going ahead. Brill. No delay.
Onwards and upwards - getting closer to the end now...
I've been sanding and painting the gloss work in the kitchen tonight.
Felt so good to feel normal and do things with out feeling so weak.
I did take breaks and rest in between - so as not to totally wipe myself out.
I'm going to go and have long soak in the bath now.... night night. xx
Onwards and upwards - getting closer to the end now...
I've been sanding and painting the gloss work in the kitchen tonight.
Felt so good to feel normal and do things with out feeling so weak.
I did take breaks and rest in between - so as not to totally wipe myself out.
I'm going to go and have long soak in the bath now.... night night. xx
200. Just before I bob out...
... i just wanted to record a strong day!!
Got up early, filled car up with petrol, went for blood test, posted a parcel, bought some bits from Co-op, came back, had a coffee. Had some reflexology with Sara. Which was amazing and so so insightful and interesting. Most of all relaxing and lush. Thanks hun xx
Had a yummy lunch whilst watching Dragon's Den on sky+. Drove to Homebase for a curtain track - the curtain looks stunning -Mum made it for me last night as we chatted and caught up on news. Curtain track was too expensive for what it was, so gonna go to B&M or The Range and price them up there. May even call them to save petrol!
I feel strong, powerful and productive, like my old self. I feel free, released and excited that soon I WILL be TOTALLY free and starting recovery.
I will be back later to update on blood test info etc.
Grand. Feeling grand :D xxx
p.s. Hurray for 200 entries on my blog!!!!!! wooooooooooo
Got up early, filled car up with petrol, went for blood test, posted a parcel, bought some bits from Co-op, came back, had a coffee. Had some reflexology with Sara. Which was amazing and so so insightful and interesting. Most of all relaxing and lush. Thanks hun xx
Had a yummy lunch whilst watching Dragon's Den on sky+. Drove to Homebase for a curtain track - the curtain looks stunning -Mum made it for me last night as we chatted and caught up on news. Curtain track was too expensive for what it was, so gonna go to B&M or The Range and price them up there. May even call them to save petrol!
I feel strong, powerful and productive, like my old self. I feel free, released and excited that soon I WILL be TOTALLY free and starting recovery.
I will be back later to update on blood test info etc.
Grand. Feeling grand :D xxx
p.s. Hurray for 200 entries on my blog!!!!!! wooooooooooo
Tuesday 16 August 2011
199. Welcome back liz
Hi Everyone! I am back!
It's a week since I was last blogging and that was very brief due to being in so much pain. I also had to get my laptop serviced as I had a little accident and dropped it off the sofa. Ahem. I am glad to say I have it back now and am catching up with emails, messages and music downloading.
The majority of last week from Tuesday to Friday, I was in a lot of pain. My joints, bones and skin all ached from head to toe and I felt so so weak. I ended up being prescribed some high strength pain killers and they sent me a bit weird! I felt so out of it. I just remember bits of the day and a woozyness I haven't felt before.
Friday afternoon I started to feel more normal and gradually the pain wore off and I got some strength back. I keep having to look at my calender all the time lately as the days all merge into one and I can't differentiate one day from the next, especially with the pain I experienced. It was like my body could only cope with so much.
Saturday, I woke up feeling different again, more strength. We went to Skipton and bought some lovely Laura Ashley fabric for the kitchen. Anthony did some decorating in the kitchen and I want to make things for it. Looking forward to getting cracking!
Sunday we relaxed all day and I was so happy to enjoy a day not feeling ill. In the evening we went for a lovely meal to the Calverley Arms with Chris, Jenny, Lola, Scott and Fiona. It was really yummy and special to be all together.
Yesterday and today I have more strength again and feel back to normal again. I can walk upstairs and not feel like my legs are going to cease. I'm not as out of breath as I was last week. I remember getting into the car with Jenny last week and it was like total slow motion and easing myself into the car seat. Honestly like a little old lady.
I've had a lovely walk with Pam and Katie today. Pam is dog sitting for her brother and we took Miley out. She's a gorgeous boxer dog. I could feel the fresh air in my face, the smell of the trees and plants. It was so refreshing. I was striding up the rocky hills and through the boggy mud. I felt a bit of breath, but nothing like when i get tired normally. It felt like a 'fit' out of breath. I have missed that feeling so much. It made me excited to think that soon I will be recovering and then when I have some strength I will be able to slowly build myself back to fitness. I love exercise. My body craves it, always has since being into so much sport at school. I'd love to get back into some team game exercise eventually. I miss the feeling in my skin and body. :D
So, chemo 9 on Thursday. Then 3 more after that! 3!!!!
I was thinking about Autumn, my favourite season. I will have finished chemo around end of sept, start of oct if all sessions go according to schedule. The delayed sessions have thrown the whole treatment back a bit.
So when the conkers and leaves are all falling and the smell of garden fires fill the outside air... I will be hopefully all done.... My eyes are smiling so much right now...
I came back from the lovely walk and put Alice in Wonderland on. I've not watched it for a couple of months!! haha. I still need to get Sword in the Stone on DVD. Gaynor has hysterics about how I sometimes laugh like the owl out of it, she showed me the clip on you tube. It does sound a bit like me at my silliest times!
We're going to see my Mum and Dad this evening. I need to do some sewing on the machine with Mum as I am making a curtain with that Laura Ashley fabric for the pantry cupboard. It did have a big sliding door, which was cumbersome and annoying when it crashed shut. So in the decorating last week, Anthony took it down. It looks much better now without it and when I have painted the gloss work the same green as the splashboard, the fabric will tie all the colours together nicely.
Been getting lots of inspiration and ideas from all the House Beautiful, Country Living magazines Mum has been sending on to me. It's hardly cost us to change the colour scheme in the kitchen and now it looks much fresher and calmer. I am going to make a canvas for the kitchen too and make a flower felt notice board that I've had the idea for a while now.
We've got a new roller blind coming in the post too. ( I accidentally ragged the other one off the ceiling the other morning, it spectacularly crashed down nearly on Anthony's head!!! We both laughed so much afterwards, it was comical the way it happened!)
So.... that gets my blog up to date a little!
It's a week since I was last blogging and that was very brief due to being in so much pain. I also had to get my laptop serviced as I had a little accident and dropped it off the sofa. Ahem. I am glad to say I have it back now and am catching up with emails, messages and music downloading.
The majority of last week from Tuesday to Friday, I was in a lot of pain. My joints, bones and skin all ached from head to toe and I felt so so weak. I ended up being prescribed some high strength pain killers and they sent me a bit weird! I felt so out of it. I just remember bits of the day and a woozyness I haven't felt before.
Friday afternoon I started to feel more normal and gradually the pain wore off and I got some strength back. I keep having to look at my calender all the time lately as the days all merge into one and I can't differentiate one day from the next, especially with the pain I experienced. It was like my body could only cope with so much.
Saturday, I woke up feeling different again, more strength. We went to Skipton and bought some lovely Laura Ashley fabric for the kitchen. Anthony did some decorating in the kitchen and I want to make things for it. Looking forward to getting cracking!
Sunday we relaxed all day and I was so happy to enjoy a day not feeling ill. In the evening we went for a lovely meal to the Calverley Arms with Chris, Jenny, Lola, Scott and Fiona. It was really yummy and special to be all together.
Yesterday and today I have more strength again and feel back to normal again. I can walk upstairs and not feel like my legs are going to cease. I'm not as out of breath as I was last week. I remember getting into the car with Jenny last week and it was like total slow motion and easing myself into the car seat. Honestly like a little old lady.
I've had a lovely walk with Pam and Katie today. Pam is dog sitting for her brother and we took Miley out. She's a gorgeous boxer dog. I could feel the fresh air in my face, the smell of the trees and plants. It was so refreshing. I was striding up the rocky hills and through the boggy mud. I felt a bit of breath, but nothing like when i get tired normally. It felt like a 'fit' out of breath. I have missed that feeling so much. It made me excited to think that soon I will be recovering and then when I have some strength I will be able to slowly build myself back to fitness. I love exercise. My body craves it, always has since being into so much sport at school. I'd love to get back into some team game exercise eventually. I miss the feeling in my skin and body. :D
So, chemo 9 on Thursday. Then 3 more after that! 3!!!!
I was thinking about Autumn, my favourite season. I will have finished chemo around end of sept, start of oct if all sessions go according to schedule. The delayed sessions have thrown the whole treatment back a bit.
So when the conkers and leaves are all falling and the smell of garden fires fill the outside air... I will be hopefully all done.... My eyes are smiling so much right now...
I came back from the lovely walk and put Alice in Wonderland on. I've not watched it for a couple of months!! haha. I still need to get Sword in the Stone on DVD. Gaynor has hysterics about how I sometimes laugh like the owl out of it, she showed me the clip on you tube. It does sound a bit like me at my silliest times!
We're going to see my Mum and Dad this evening. I need to do some sewing on the machine with Mum as I am making a curtain with that Laura Ashley fabric for the pantry cupboard. It did have a big sliding door, which was cumbersome and annoying when it crashed shut. So in the decorating last week, Anthony took it down. It looks much better now without it and when I have painted the gloss work the same green as the splashboard, the fabric will tie all the colours together nicely.
Been getting lots of inspiration and ideas from all the House Beautiful, Country Living magazines Mum has been sending on to me. It's hardly cost us to change the colour scheme in the kitchen and now it looks much fresher and calmer. I am going to make a canvas for the kitchen too and make a flower felt notice board that I've had the idea for a while now.
We've got a new roller blind coming in the post too. ( I accidentally ragged the other one off the ceiling the other morning, it spectacularly crashed down nearly on Anthony's head!!! We both laughed so much afterwards, it was comical the way it happened!)
So.... that gets my blog up to date a little!
Tuesday 9 August 2011
198. Bone pain
feeling shocking tonight, cant say much more.
riots on news, crazy.
lavender oil on pillow and bed.
riots on news, crazy.
lavender oil on pillow and bed.
Monday 8 August 2011
197. Lovely weekend
Been away from the laptop since Thursday. Just accessed updates from my phone and have made another friend through this blog, whose family member is also accessing Bradford Cancer Support. Am looking forward to chatting to them at a later stage when they are ready. :)
After Anthony working such a lot on site, it was really nice to get some time together on Saturday. Tesco.com arrived in the afternoon and after a yummy tea, we decided to go grab some dvd's from Blockbusters and lots of treats. We watched The Adjustment Bereau. Really enjoyed it; Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. All based on life choices, who you meet and how things can change.
Sunday was really good. Everything felt so normal - like it used to. We went to White Rose Shopping Centre in Leeds and Anthony bought some jeans and basic stuff. I walked about feeling ok and got the occassional stare through the crowds. I should be used to it by now, you would have thought. But every so often I do get a longer stare that isn't just a look, it's an inquisitive what's happening there then look. I don't mind, I just smile. Some smile back, others look away like they've just been caught and are in trouble.
I have been feeling pretty good with my body these last few days. My swelling in my face and eyes goes as soon as the new batch of chemo goes into my body. My tummy is still large from the steroids, but the big, fat feeling seems to have subsided for the meantime. I am still trying to drink plenty of water and eat plenty of fruit.
When we were walking about the shops, there came the in evitable. The mirrors. I looked and noticed the change in my body. How these jeans look, how my hair is totally thinned out now. But I didn't let it affect me. As you know from reading -- a couple of months ago this would have really upset me and hurt.
Being out in public and seeing yourself in a full length mirror and being around other people who you think are watching actually aren't. They're so busy going about their daily lives and dealing with their own worries and hang ups, what do they know. Just keep smiling.
I have plenty of things pencilied in for this week. It's hard to get a balance sometimes, but this week I am trying this method and hoping I can acheive most of them with rest in between. I just need to take care of my body and enjoy the good days.
Really missing Jenny!!!! She's been unwell with a nasty chest infection and due to my lower immune, it's made it so I can't go see her! Been texting and chatting on the phone, but there's nothing like a proper hug and a Jenny coffee. Looking at the end of the week 'til I see her I think.
I have been watching 24 Hours in A&E on channel 4, set at Kings College Hospital in London. I've been recording it on Sky+ and watching it through the week. Seen them all so far. I love it. Which is odd, you'd think I would have been seeing enough with hospitals. But I love to see the staff on there and how they cope, manage situations. It's fascinating. So admirable. Such dedication from staff. Especially with the volume of patients and the problems that they attend with.
I did some more canvas' last week! One for Hayley and 3 for Bruce in Canada. I am feeling really proud and happy to have my buzz back with making them. I'd had a set back with making them and with my art work this can happen a lot depending on my mood and physical state. My new table (Dave) from Ikea is really good to work on and has helped a lot with the physical workings of making my canvas'. I can sit really comfortably on the sofa and still work up to a surface to paint and draw.
I will add photos soon :)
Going to get ready to go see Rebecca now - for a coffee and catch up. Then will need a little nap before seeing Mum tonight for a bit of retail therapy at M+S.
Comments and messages always welcome xxx Hope to hear from you soon xx
After Anthony working such a lot on site, it was really nice to get some time together on Saturday. Tesco.com arrived in the afternoon and after a yummy tea, we decided to go grab some dvd's from Blockbusters and lots of treats. We watched The Adjustment Bereau. Really enjoyed it; Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. All based on life choices, who you meet and how things can change.
Sunday was really good. Everything felt so normal - like it used to. We went to White Rose Shopping Centre in Leeds and Anthony bought some jeans and basic stuff. I walked about feeling ok and got the occassional stare through the crowds. I should be used to it by now, you would have thought. But every so often I do get a longer stare that isn't just a look, it's an inquisitive what's happening there then look. I don't mind, I just smile. Some smile back, others look away like they've just been caught and are in trouble.
I have been feeling pretty good with my body these last few days. My swelling in my face and eyes goes as soon as the new batch of chemo goes into my body. My tummy is still large from the steroids, but the big, fat feeling seems to have subsided for the meantime. I am still trying to drink plenty of water and eat plenty of fruit.
When we were walking about the shops, there came the in evitable. The mirrors. I looked and noticed the change in my body. How these jeans look, how my hair is totally thinned out now. But I didn't let it affect me. As you know from reading -- a couple of months ago this would have really upset me and hurt.
Being out in public and seeing yourself in a full length mirror and being around other people who you think are watching actually aren't. They're so busy going about their daily lives and dealing with their own worries and hang ups, what do they know. Just keep smiling.
I have plenty of things pencilied in for this week. It's hard to get a balance sometimes, but this week I am trying this method and hoping I can acheive most of them with rest in between. I just need to take care of my body and enjoy the good days.
Really missing Jenny!!!! She's been unwell with a nasty chest infection and due to my lower immune, it's made it so I can't go see her! Been texting and chatting on the phone, but there's nothing like a proper hug and a Jenny coffee. Looking at the end of the week 'til I see her I think.
I have been watching 24 Hours in A&E on channel 4, set at Kings College Hospital in London. I've been recording it on Sky+ and watching it through the week. Seen them all so far. I love it. Which is odd, you'd think I would have been seeing enough with hospitals. But I love to see the staff on there and how they cope, manage situations. It's fascinating. So admirable. Such dedication from staff. Especially with the volume of patients and the problems that they attend with.
I did some more canvas' last week! One for Hayley and 3 for Bruce in Canada. I am feeling really proud and happy to have my buzz back with making them. I'd had a set back with making them and with my art work this can happen a lot depending on my mood and physical state. My new table (Dave) from Ikea is really good to work on and has helped a lot with the physical workings of making my canvas'. I can sit really comfortably on the sofa and still work up to a surface to paint and draw.
I will add photos soon :)
Going to get ready to go see Rebecca now - for a coffee and catch up. Then will need a little nap before seeing Mum tonight for a bit of retail therapy at M+S.
Comments and messages always welcome xxx Hope to hear from you soon xx
Thursday 4 August 2011
196. Chemo 8 all done. Thank goodness.
Was absolutley dreading it today. I'd had an extra week off and it just made me feel so out of the loop I didn't want to have chemo. Got myself in a state last night about chemo and other things and ended up going for a drive to calm down. I love driving and find it helps me. I went no where specific but the time away helped me think more clearly and Anthony and me could talk properly about it with out arguing. I don't like arguing, who does of course, but when it's the person you love and you're going through a bad time AND it's bedtime I just don't want to go to sleep on an argument. We were fine and we are fine, just a blip within a blip and communicating when tired, ratty, fed up, bored of talking about it etc etc!! xx
Anthony's been working on site, he's not home yet and will have done a 12hr day today, not far off 12 hrs yest and then not sure how it will go tomorrow. It's hard going. But we're getting there and I know there are people with who have it tougher than us, so I have to keep perspective on it. I have my wingey moments and then think and count my blessings...
Chemo was a bit painful, seems to be more painful in my left hand, must be the veins. The healthcare assistant dodges doing my blood tests as she's been told by nurses my veins are tricky.
The veins do have a tendency to toughen through chemo and as the treatment continues. Ergh, don't like that thought. Tough veins.. ewe, makes me all squeemish.
I was faint again today. The registrar listened to my breathing 'cause I told them abouy my cough and blocked ears, but I'm not bad enough to do anything about it, so just have to sit it out. Hearing is difficult sometimes and then others its really sensitive, must be catarrh. Lovely word. (!)
Got a taxi to hospital for first time, havent needed to before. I was dreading the convo in the car with the driver....
Thankfully, I didn't feel the need to say these things, normally I crack up laughing to myself just thinking of this sketch when in a taxi.
The driver was so so sweet. He obviously knew I had a hospital appt and asked politely if I had been poorly long. I told him since March and he spoke about someone he knew who had had cancer, and that she was all well now. When I got out, I paid the fare. He said something which will always stay with me. He said, I will pray for you to get better, God will look after you and I pray you have a long life.
I was quite taken a back. I smiled at him and thanked him for his kindness. His words really helped me as I walked down the long corridor and he won't ever know that will he? Words are so important. He didn't even know me and he wanted to wish me well.
It really got me. I text Jenny to tell her and she said it really got her too xxxx
Mum picked me up, some how it just worked out that way without any planning and timings were perfect. Love it when that happens. Best way!
We sat at my house after something to eat and I just talked and jabbered on. Showed mum the fly screen and asked her to put it on a bit better than I had, she's really good with curtains and things like that. She has a nack (way) of just being able to make things right. Like when mum's change the bed for you and you get into it and it feels like being a kid again and somehow you just sleep better.
Anyway I was pleased to see the screen looking so much better. I had a divvy moment explaining the screen to her though. I hadn't realised the two crossing over meant that you could seperate them from side to side to make a gap in the middle to walk through and then it just goes back into place. Yest afternoon I had been practically doing the limbo getting under where I had stuck it. But didn't want to think anything of it due to the bargain and the effectiveness of the blumming thing. SO SO FUNNY! dur. Mum giggled but was gracious and said it didn't matter. We laughed about it. Will tell Anthony and show him the light bulb moment!
Going to go for a bath now. I started this meaning to only quickly update but somehow I have gotten into a flow of typing.
Thank you to all of you who have been in touch and messaged or texted me or commented on status'. I feel it's important to thank my support network as I go along the way.
Speak soon and fingers crossed I can deal with this one well. Feel brave typing that! A lot of the time when I type or say something like that it doesn't always go to plan. But stuff it. Said it and I want to keep going........
bye for now.
Much love x
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x
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x
Anthony's been working on site, he's not home yet and will have done a 12hr day today, not far off 12 hrs yest and then not sure how it will go tomorrow. It's hard going. But we're getting there and I know there are people with who have it tougher than us, so I have to keep perspective on it. I have my wingey moments and then think and count my blessings...
Chemo was a bit painful, seems to be more painful in my left hand, must be the veins. The healthcare assistant dodges doing my blood tests as she's been told by nurses my veins are tricky.
The veins do have a tendency to toughen through chemo and as the treatment continues. Ergh, don't like that thought. Tough veins.. ewe, makes me all squeemish.
I was faint again today. The registrar listened to my breathing 'cause I told them abouy my cough and blocked ears, but I'm not bad enough to do anything about it, so just have to sit it out. Hearing is difficult sometimes and then others its really sensitive, must be catarrh. Lovely word. (!)
Got a taxi to hospital for first time, havent needed to before. I was dreading the convo in the car with the driver....
Thankfully, I didn't feel the need to say these things, normally I crack up laughing to myself just thinking of this sketch when in a taxi.
The driver was so so sweet. He obviously knew I had a hospital appt and asked politely if I had been poorly long. I told him since March and he spoke about someone he knew who had had cancer, and that she was all well now. When I got out, I paid the fare. He said something which will always stay with me. He said, I will pray for you to get better, God will look after you and I pray you have a long life.
I was quite taken a back. I smiled at him and thanked him for his kindness. His words really helped me as I walked down the long corridor and he won't ever know that will he? Words are so important. He didn't even know me and he wanted to wish me well.
It really got me. I text Jenny to tell her and she said it really got her too xxxx
Mum picked me up, some how it just worked out that way without any planning and timings were perfect. Love it when that happens. Best way!
We sat at my house after something to eat and I just talked and jabbered on. Showed mum the fly screen and asked her to put it on a bit better than I had, she's really good with curtains and things like that. She has a nack (way) of just being able to make things right. Like when mum's change the bed for you and you get into it and it feels like being a kid again and somehow you just sleep better.
Anyway I was pleased to see the screen looking so much better. I had a divvy moment explaining the screen to her though. I hadn't realised the two crossing over meant that you could seperate them from side to side to make a gap in the middle to walk through and then it just goes back into place. Yest afternoon I had been practically doing the limbo getting under where I had stuck it. But didn't want to think anything of it due to the bargain and the effectiveness of the blumming thing. SO SO FUNNY! dur. Mum giggled but was gracious and said it didn't matter. We laughed about it. Will tell Anthony and show him the light bulb moment!
Going to go for a bath now. I started this meaning to only quickly update but somehow I have gotten into a flow of typing.
Thank you to all of you who have been in touch and messaged or texted me or commented on status'. I feel it's important to thank my support network as I go along the way.
Speak soon and fingers crossed I can deal with this one well. Feel brave typing that! A lot of the time when I type or say something like that it doesn't always go to plan. But stuff it. Said it and I want to keep going........
bye for now.
Much love x
x
x
x
x
x
Wednesday 3 August 2011
195. Ha Ha Bluebottles. Liz wins.
Just want to share with you my new find. Haven't seen these before and it works a TREAT for not letting flies or wasps in your house! £6 - £7 quid for two door screens and slim velcro.
Awesome. Fly free for the last 3 hours, I am v. happy! :)
The link above takes you to the B&Q site where you can reserve and collect it locally. Enjoy freedom from flying pests. xxx
194. Recent photos
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Swelling has gone down quite a bit... eyebrows now have a little help with this product... and it's fab - if you just want more definition to your eyebrows, I would definitely recommend it..  |
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| Hair has grown more - got bald patches in between the growth. Still waking up to find hair on pillow, of course it's no where near as shocking when the hairs are a few millimeters long.. |
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| profile view |
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| And a photo of Zig - of course! This is his latest fave place to sleep, on top of my drawers in my cubbie wardrobe. He loves soft blankets and often marches on them before snuggling down for a snooze. He sleeps with his paw over his eyes sometimes. |
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