Was absolutley dreading it today. I'd had an extra week off and it just made me feel so out of the loop I didn't want to have chemo. Got myself in a state last night about chemo and other things and ended up going for a drive to calm down. I love driving and find it helps me. I went no where specific but the time away helped me think more clearly and Anthony and me could talk properly about it with out arguing. I don't like arguing, who does of course, but when it's the person you love and you're going through a bad time AND it's bedtime I just don't want to go to sleep on an argument. We were fine and we are fine, just a blip within a blip and communicating when tired, ratty, fed up, bored of talking about it etc etc!! xx
Anthony's been working on site, he's not home yet and will have done a 12hr day today, not far off 12 hrs yest and then not sure how it will go tomorrow. It's hard going. But we're getting there and I know there are people with who have it tougher than us, so I have to keep perspective on it. I have my wingey moments and then think and count my blessings...
Chemo was a bit painful, seems to be more painful in my left hand, must be the veins. The healthcare assistant dodges doing my blood tests as she's been told by nurses my veins are tricky.
The veins do have a tendency to toughen through chemo and as the treatment continues. Ergh, don't like that thought. Tough veins.. ewe, makes me all squeemish.
I was faint again today. The registrar listened to my breathing 'cause I told them abouy my cough and blocked ears, but I'm not bad enough to do anything about it, so just have to sit it out. Hearing is difficult sometimes and then others its really sensitive, must be catarrh. Lovely word. (!)
Got a taxi to hospital for first time, havent needed to before. I was dreading the convo in the car with the driver....
Thankfully, I didn't feel the need to say these things, normally I crack up laughing to myself just thinking of this sketch when in a taxi.
The driver was so so sweet. He obviously knew I had a hospital appt and asked politely if I had been poorly long. I told him since March and he spoke about someone he knew who had had cancer, and that she was all well now. When I got out, I paid the fare. He said something which will always stay with me. He said, I will pray for you to get better, God will look after you and I pray you have a long life.
I was quite taken a back. I smiled at him and thanked him for his kindness. His words really helped me as I walked down the long corridor and he won't ever know that will he? Words are so important. He didn't even know me and he wanted to wish me well.
It really got me. I text Jenny to tell her and she said it really got her too xxxx
Mum picked me up, some how it just worked out that way without any planning and timings were perfect. Love it when that happens. Best way!
We sat at my house after something to eat and I just talked and jabbered on. Showed mum the fly screen and asked her to put it on a bit better than I had, she's really good with curtains and things like that. She has a nack (way) of just being able to make things right. Like when mum's change the bed for you and you get into it and it feels like being a kid again and somehow you just sleep better.
Anyway I was pleased to see the screen looking so much better. I had a divvy moment explaining the screen to her though. I hadn't realised the two crossing over meant that you could seperate them from side to side to make a gap in the middle to walk through and then it just goes back into place. Yest afternoon I had been practically doing the limbo getting under where I had stuck it. But didn't want to think anything of it due to the bargain and the effectiveness of the blumming thing. SO SO FUNNY! dur. Mum giggled but was gracious and said it didn't matter. We laughed about it. Will tell Anthony and show him the light bulb moment!
Going to go for a bath now. I started this meaning to only quickly update but somehow I have gotten into a flow of typing.
Thank you to all of you who have been in touch and messaged or texted me or commented on status'. I feel it's important to thank my support network as I go along the way.
Speak soon and fingers crossed I can deal with this one well. Feel brave typing that! A lot of the time when I type or say something like that it doesn't always go to plan. But stuff it. Said it and I want to keep going........
bye for now.
Much love x
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