108. My body and how it's coping...

I have been focusing on creativity and things lately so I thought I would just add an entry on me and my body and how things are going.

Hair loss is still happening, but as it's now like a millimeter long on my head! Anthony shaved it again for me, as it was getting fuzzy and had grown wierd in places. So now I have just little specks of hair on the pillow compared to 8 or 9 inches and handfuls of hair everywhere! I am not affected by it now. I have accepted the hair loss and my shaved head!
I still have my eye lashes and eye brows. My eye brows are not growing back - so it's quite nice to not have the hassel of plucking!

I am struggling with a sore mouth at the moment, big crater like ulcers which take a while to shift. Also my gums are swollen around my teeth at the back and I have ulcers down the sides of my teeth at the back. Anthony has been laughing at me for talking wierd and every so often dribbling uncontrollably. Heeehee.. I'm glad it's not all so serious!

Hmm what else, thinking......

Ah, the steroids. Yeah. They are in full force now and do make me really hungry. Last week there was no stopping me. Nightmare. And it makes me so concious of putting weight on. But I chatted to my Macmillan nurse Helen last week and she really helped me gain perspective. I have to focus on this for now and when I am all clear I can focus on the weight loss and toning up. I am being careful what I choose to eat, but the lack of cardio and weights shows on my body. But hey. It's not everything. It does make me sad but I can't dwell on it. I am trying to do little bits when I do feel well, the Wii and stretching and I am going to do some Yoga next week too! Exciting and good for relaxation as well as exercise. Will keep you posted.

The steroids have given me a typical chubby face too. Tut. Annoying! So am a bit concious of that, but again, it will go at the end of all the treatment. Can't wait, it's gonna be like a blossoming of the new liz, all well and better and new.

Trying to stay positive, but I do have my frustrated, fed up and pee'd off days with it. I look in the mirror and it's not the liz I am used to seeing.
That can be hard. I have accepted the hair loss, but not entirely who I see in the mirror. I see photos of myself and think, who is that? A totally different person with different worries and a different life. I know it's not but that's how it feels at a glance. I am waffling, but it's my thoughts - they're like zig zag lines all squiffy.

It's my little hang up's creeping back in to take over. But I have to remember what's important. Any words of wisdom or nudges in the arm would be gratefully received...

I have my blood test in the morning to check my levels and then Chemo 4 on Thursday at 12pm. A later appt which means I will be there til later, oh joy!
Excited as we have some special visitors coming to see us tomoz night.. :) can't wait. Hope to get some photos of us all together x

Gonna go now, my eyes have been shutting for the last hour or so and I really need my bed.
Relaxation cd here I come!

Bye for now, been nice to have a proper catch up... :)

Please...messages to keep me going, are always welcome, if you have been reading and haven't messaged me, please do it. It'd be great to hear from you whether you are someone that knows me or not, I love to meet new people xxx

107. Latest creations...

I have been getting some lovely comments about my art and craft work that I have been doing in between treatments! Thank you!
It keeps me going and focused on something.
 I was chatting to Hayley from work on facebook today and it wasn't until then that I realised I am so blessed to have the ability to be creative and use my hands to make things for people to enjoy.
I have some orders waiting already and am excited to get started. I think it will help me when I am feeling well, to be able to make these things, without any pressure and with the knowledge that my friends want to see me happy and doing something I enjoy - but with something at the end of it that will give them smiles too!

I have made some cards yesterday and today. The thank you ones are going to the ladies from Cancer Support - they won't see them on here as I havent shared my blog just yet with them. So shhhhhhhhhh :) I am sharing them with you, hehe..

Gave this card to James yest, had so much fun making it!



My new card range name. Thanks to Gaynor :P



made today, loved making these too, so effective!

smiley liz



I am working on this at the moment, a small gift canvas. a 7''x 5''. Needs bright paints and shades... 


Comments welcome x 



106. For cat lovers only...

A fab find today - click on, to make it larger. Enjoy xxx

105. HeadStrong = Fantastic!

I had decided to go along to the Cancer Support Centre at Bradford for the HeadStrong after Sarah at the centre told me there was a free appointment.

''HeadStrong is a free service run by

specially trained volunteer

advisors, offering practical

information and support around

hair loss due to cancer treatment,

on an individual appointment basis''

I had a 2pm appointment. I arrived and as usual, the centre felt so calming and relaxing. Caroline who works there made me a cuppa and we chatted for a bit. It's really nice to go to the centre and see people there. It's caring but not 'in your face' and in a way that would make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy. The staff there are all lovely and friendly but not over the top. I really recommend going to see what it's all about.
After having a giggle with Caroline, I was called through to my appointment.
All the sessions take place in the annex part of the building. It's really nicely done out inside and has a good feeling to it when you walk in.
I was taken to the room next door to where I have previously had the hypnotherapy and aromatherapy.
Everything looked so organised in the room. Three smiley ladies were there and were keen to make me relaxed. I sat in the comfy chair and finished most of my cuppa.


Pat, Mina and Stella, three wonderful women, volunteering for the centre, all different and all offering support to me. Just me. I felt like I had a big warm hug around me. They sat around me, as I sat looking into the mirror as Pat showed me different looks with scarves, bandanas, sleep caps and more!
They showed me the range of 1m squared scarves of which I was entitled to choose one to keep, for free! I could also choose a silky scarf too. For free too.
They used these as the scarves to show me ways to wear the scarf and fancy ways to tie and wrap. Pat showed me how to add accessories to jazz up the scarves. It was so clever and a lot of the things they showed me I wouldn't have tried myself without help.


By the end of the group we were all laughing. I felt comfortable enough to be myself and was laughing at some of the scarves Pat was putting on me. They were laughing at me and giving advice too. The best combination, having a laugh but serious in the right places. I felt like I had known them for longer than the hour that I had been there.
I left feeling more confident and bouncy, like they had helped me find Liz again. She wasn't far away, it was the nasty week that had taken her and put her inside the pain and frustration of everything.
A cloud lifted as I left there and I just felt fab. Thank you Pat, Mina and Stella. :) lots of love xx


This is a really great site for head scarves -
AnnaBandana - very affordable head wear! I am going to make some purchases soon. Will add pics. High quality.
http://www.annabandana.co.uk/

105. Bank hol weekend

After a fab, fun Friday night with Gaynor at Becky's, I woke up on Saturday morning still giggling to myself at the silliness and how much fun I'd had. It set me up for such a lovely weekend that I have been well enough to enjoy.
My aches in my back and most of my body had just about gone. All that I had was aching arms and shoulders.
I didn't feel weak or out of breath at all and I could move about a lot easier.

Saturday - we had a really nice day at home. It felt good to be able to relax and enjoy the feeling of being well. Katy Mark and Millie popped over to see us for a brew :)
We spent the evening at Raf and Rachel's which was great. We all watched the Champion's League. Enjoyed seeing Man U get beat. Ahh. Nice. Rachel put some yummy food on and we all had a good laugh.

Sunday - I felt stronger again, my arm and shoulder pain was less and my energy levels had increased slightly.
I started the day with a reeeeallly long soak in the bath. Candles, music, book and coffee. Yum. I was in there for about an hour. Normally I can't be in the bath longer than 10 mins - so Anthony was pretty surprised haha..

Later in the day I had the urge to do some sort of stretches/exercise. I have done some yoga at home before and it really helped. I wanted to feel that satisified, happy feeling but at the same time take it easy. I did some simple stretching first to see how I felt and I was ok.
So I moved onto the Wii fit. Hearing the music on there, brought back memories of when I was last on it at the other house and how I was pre cancer then. I quickly ignored looking back and kept strong and focused on the now. I was determind to help myself feel better. I did 20 mins and it was just the right amount. I was proud of myself. The good feelings kicked in and I enjoyed it so much. I want to try it again when I feel ok to do it.

In the evening we had a yummy Sunday roast together and enjoyed each other's company.
I slept well and put it down to the exercise and the good feelings it gave me mentally and physically.

Today has been good too. Had a really lazy morning - the weather was awful - all rainy and yuk. We went for a look round Go Outdoors and bought some camping things :)
I did some more Wii and stretches this afternoon. Hurrayyyyy..

Just gonna chill out now. James and Laura are on their way over soon with fish and chips - delish xxx

All in all a fantastic weekend to say 'nur nur nur nur' to the shocking week before it. Ha!

It really is proving to be a 'rollercoaster', 'no walk in the park' isn't it! x

104. Friday fun

Friday night was awesome! I was feeling ok!
So Anthony went out with his work mates for some drinks and I went to see Gaynor and took my art and craft stuff so we could make things, chill out and relax and catch up!
Was so giddy. And it was called for. It was the best evening I have had for ages! We had a chinese take away and in between chatting, being silly, laughing continuously until our sides hurt and tears were down our cheeks - we made some cool things.... Take a look at the fab things we made! EEEE = Excited.



Origami hearts!





Bookmarks! How cuuuuuuute!



Gaynor's bookmark at work!  I love his eyes! It's a he.




My bookmark... lol..



I have been working on these bird canvas' and having lots of fun. I need to add paint to the white background and will be doing this soon. I'll add photos. 

 I will happily make you a canvas like this if you would like to provide the canvas. So if any of you like these and would like one, let me know and when I feel well between treatments I can be all creative!

Some photos from the garden centre I went to with Mum on Thursday. Love these.. Hydrangea's I have a pink one on the front door step in a cute pot.

Mr Zig after he came in from the rain the other day and snoozed on my lap when I felt partic ill.

cute.

103. Catch up

This week has been such a blur! Hello! Here I am. xx

I have just had to go back and read this week's entries to see what I have put. I don't have much recollection of anything but pain.

So, Wednesday - Laura came to my rescue and took me to the ward to get checked. There I saw a male doctor, who prescribed me pain relief and said that the pain I was experiencing was typical of the G-CSF side effects and that I could have this continued pain for a few more days still. The planned injections of more G-CSF for May 28/29 would now be cancelled. With the possibility of more in the future depending on white cell count and chemo dates etc.

Which left me feeling frustrated, confused, unsure and at a loss. There is no easy route out of this is there....

I managed to get my first full night's sleep this week on Wed night and Thursday I felt a bit stronger. Still aching and finding it difficult to get comfortable... But... it was really nice to have slept! A relief.

Thursday, Mum came over in the morning and we had coffee and chatted. We later went to a near by garden centre and we just mooched and looked at the plants. It made me feel brighter. Mum was going with Grandma in the afternoon for a CT scan.

Thursday night, slept well again.

Friday..
I had an appt at the Cancer Support Centre at 2pm - for HeadStrong, to find out/learn new ways to wear head scarves and hats. (I will write about this is a seperate entry as it was so useful, helpful and I want to go into more detail so you can find out about it )
I was still experiencing aching in my arms and back. I felt less ill with it, but I thought I could pop in at the ward to get checked again, before the bank hol weekend, whilst I was in the same area at Cancer Support Centre.
I rang the ward and Diane said I should go in and have a full blood count and possibly get some tramadol in case the pain worsens. But I would need to be seen by a doctor.
I went before my appt for the blood test - over to CSC for my appt and then back over to the ward. 
A different doctor to the one I saw on Wednesday came to see me in the waiting room. Which I was glad about. (I hadn't had a very successful appt with the male doctor and was still angry about it and hurt)

I found it very hard to process all the information the doctor was telling me and with the emotions I was feeling and my physical state. I had to be quite firm with this doctor and explain what had happened on Wed and how I had had the worst week emotionally, physically and mentally. She listened and slowed down with her explanantion and simplified the words.
Basically - my blood count is back to normal now. This suggests that when I was given the G-CSF  my white count was on its way back up and the added injection boosted the count so high which gave me the increased pain and increased side effects.
She gave me some tramadol for the pain, if it returned to that level, but said not to take it otherwise as it can make you throw up.
I left feeling like I had some sort of answer, compared to Wed when I had left feeling dismissed and another number.

My energy felt boosted and I went back to the car and drove home with my music loud and a lot more smiley.

I arrived home and relaxed with Anthony for a bit. He was going out with work mates and I was going to see Gaynor for the evening. We both needed some time out and to relax!

It's a week we both want to forget for sure! x

102. From experience xx

I have to put this on my blog, in case I lose it from Facebook.

Lizzie, you will have good and bad days and absolutely terrible days too. Just do what you need to do in order to make yourself feel better. If you need to shout, go into the garden and swear at everything in site. Go and punch a pillow for... 10 minutes, give Zig a good squeeze, talk to your plants, anything, as long as it makes you feel better. As for pain, like I said, try and sleep as much of it as you can. Thats the only way I got through it. And most of all, eat everything that makes you feel happy(and doesn't make you want to throw up) Your body will also tell you what you need, listen to it. I'm here if you need anything else.

 Thank you Nicky xx

101. G-CSF injection Info

Here is some info on the GCSF injection I had last week.
I have been to the hospital today to get checked and it seems that I don't have flu, but have got the side effects to the injection. 
Now I am in a position where I don't know whether I will be having the injections or not, simply because it's caused me so much pain.
Aching, out of breath, fast heart beat, unable to sleep due to pain.
I was prescribed some pain relief which unfortunately hasn't helped. I am left waiting for the pain to stop.........

 

 

G-CSF (granulocyte-colony stimulating factor) Back to top

G-CSF is a special type of protein called a growth factor. It stimulates the bone marrow| to make white blood cells. The bone marrow is a spongy material inside the bones where all our blood cells are made.
Growth factors are made naturally in the body. They can also be made outside the body and used as treatments.
There are three different types of G-CSF:

• lenograstim (Granocyte®)
• filgrastim (Neupogen®, Nivestim®, Ratiograstim®, Zarzio®)
• pegylated filgrastim (Neulasta®).

These treaments all work in similar ways.

When G-CSF is used Back to top

G-CSF may be used during treatment with chemotherapy| to shorten the length of time that your white blood cell numbers are low.
One of the main side effects of chemotherapy is a reduction in the number of white cells in the blood. White cells help us to fight infections. So during the time your white cells are low you are less able to fight infection|. And, if you develop an infection, it may make you more ill than it normally would.
White cell numbers are usually back to normal by the time the next dose of chemotherapy is due. But, sometimes, if the levels of white cells are still low, the chemotherapy has to be postponed, or the dose lowered.
G-CSF may be used to reduce the risk of infection and help to make sure chemotherapy treatments are given on time and at the planned dose. It isn't needed with all types of chemotherapy as white blood cell numbers usually recover on their own.

Stem cell collection

G-CSF may sometimes be used before high-dose chemotherapy to stimulate the bone marrow to make more stem cells. Stem cells are a special type of blood cell from which all other blood cells are made. The stem cells are collected from the blood and stored. They can then be given back to you after high-dose chemotherapy treatment and make new blood cells to replace those you have lost.

What it looks like Back to top

G-CSF comes as a white powder to be dissolved in sterile water, or as a colourless fluid in a small glass bottle. It is also available in a ready-to-use pre-filled syringe.

How G-CSF is given Back to top

G-CSF is usually given as an injection under the skin (subcutaneously). You, or people caring for you, can be taught how to inject G-CSF so that you can continue the treatment at home. Alternatively, the injections may be given by a district nurse or GP practice nurse.
The levels of white cells in your blood will be tested regularly while you are having growth factor injections.

How often it is given Back to top

G-CSF is usually started a few days after chemotherapy, and is given daily for up to 14 days. Pegylated filgrastim stays active in the body for longer so it only needs to be given once with each cycle of chemotherapy.

Possible side effects Back to top

After a G-CSF injection you will have a much higher amount of it in your body than normal. You may have some side effects as a result, even though G-CSF is a natural substance. However, side effects aren't usually severe and get better after G-CSF treatment ends.
People react to drugs in different ways, so it isn't possible to predict who is going to have side effects, or which they will have. We have outlined the most common side effects but haven't included those that are rare and therefore unlikely to affect you. If you notice any effects which aren't listed here, discuss them with your doctor or specialist nurse.
Bone pain You may have some discomfort or a dull ache in the bones of  your pelvis, back, arms or legs. Your doctor can prescribe painkillers if needed.
Red, itchy skin Your skin may become red and itchy around the area in which the injection is given.
Fever and chills Your doctor may prescribe painkillers such as paracetamol to help reduce your temperature and prevent chills.
Fluid retention This may lead to swelling of the ankles or breathlessness|.
Always let your doctor or nurse know about any side effects you have. There are usually ways in which they can be controlled or improved.

100. Cabin fever, rescued by Helen T!

Thank goodness for Helen, coming to my rescue!!
I was ready for tearing down the walls and screaming. To be honest though, I don't know where I would have found the energy!?

I woke up this morning aching and feeling awful, flu symptoms. I was like a zombie. I have no way of knowing if I have flu or if this is chemo side effects or both. Very frustrating.

I felt better after to speaking to Mum on the phone, when I remembered how to have a conversation. I had a shower, which helped lots and then Helen came over to take me out. I didn't feel up to going to a noisy cafe and hustle and bustle.

 It felt so nice to get out into the fresh air. I was walking so slowly to the car, my eyes felt half shut and I was out of breath just getting into the car.
We drove to get some bits of shopping that I needed. Every movement was a big effort. But Helen helped me every step xxx
After, Helen treated us to Costa goodies and we sat in the car at the park and enjoyed watching the world go by. Looking at everyone going about their daily lives.

It was so nice.. it was almost like I could feel fog lifting from me. To chat and listen to Helen. The simplist little thing. To feel alive. I had felt so trapped indoors and lost.

We had such a lovely time together, it was just enough and I feel much happier this afternoon. I have a lovely vase of Sweet William flowers and a craft magazine to look at. Thank you so much Helen, love you to bits.

Still aching, but my mood is improved, so I feel a bit stronger.

Still trying to remember the positives. 
I don't feel sick, I have no sickness.
I could be a lot worse. 

These are the things that I forget sometimes, being on my own through out the day, can get so boring and draining. But I try to my best to remember what I have got and how I am doing.

Got Phoenix Nights on.. funny.. 

99. We're a right pair!

Well I have had a very lazy day resting. Didn't sleep very well again last night and the combo of the big meal and the tablets I am on, upset my tummy a bit and left me feeling rather full and needing to go, but not able to. Sorry, details..! I'm glad to say that I have plenty of other medication to help me out in that departamente! And it has since helped. So am feeling less full. ( Think I just managed to explain myself without too much detail, did I not? hehee..)

Anthony came home from work, looking really under the weather. He's aching all over and just looks so washed out. He's gone straight to bed :( I don't like it. I'm stuck in all day and all I want to do is see him and catch up, but he's really not well. Boo, rubbish :( Hopefully it won't last. I'll run him a big bath later... x

Thought I'd hop on here anyway and chat.
This morning, I watched Long Lost Family that I recorded off ITV1 the other day. I know my gorge friend Aud watches it and I fancied a peek. Oh.... *sobs* it was good for a good cry. And I did!
Later I watched 'Inside I'm dancing'. A film about two young men who have disabilities and want independence.
I remember when it first came out a while ago and thought I'd like to watch it. I'd forgotten that James McAvoy was in it. I love him, think he's so good. (I loved 'Last King of Scotland')
It was a really good film and enjoyed it lots, really clever how it tackled disability and relationships. Great acting.

 The Zig kept coming in and out of the rain and wanted cuddles and attention! He very rarely sits on my knee, I'm too fidgetty. But he was all cuddly today. Think he's gone to inspect the bed upstairs now. 'Who is on it.'

I've got Coldplay on, Viva la Vida. Love this album.

Been listening to The Weepies again. They sound sad don't they. But it's a very relaxing, cozy album, honest.

Over the last week I have got some very honest and supportive messages about my blog and my news / journey of HL. Some from old friends from school - two particular messages from Mariana and Jill. They both mean so much. Thank you both, lots and lots.. xxx

Isn't it wierd how you lose touch with people from school and then in a message it's like they can be right there and chatting like time has never passed.

 Makes me think about the people you meet as you go along the way and sometimes those ones that you don't see anymore. Life and friendships can be so complicated. 
But then life goes on and you meet new people for new chapters of your life. Everything happens for a reason.

I just looked - I have nearly got 100 entries on my blog now. If you have been reading all this time, thank you so much. Listening to me prattling on! haha..I am honestly grateful.

My moods are quite up and down at the moment. I go through phases of strength and appreciation. Then to confused and lost. But ... I always seem to bring it back round somehow, somewhere.  (I might need reminding of that.. someone?!)

Seeing Millie at the weekend helped me a lot. I loved it. Millie is Anthony's sister's daughter. Our niece and god-daughter.. She is 2, going on 4, or 22, as her Daddy, Mark, would say. She is amazing and so very clever.

Katy said they pulled up outside our house in the car and Millie was like, 'ooh look it's Auntie Lizzie in the window'. It was actually Anthony, bless! But ya know, short hair...!

Millie came into the living room and I crouched down to hug her. She put her little hands on my head and stroked my head. 'All your hair is all gone Auntie Lizzie. Aw. *stroke, stroke*' I smiled. (How innocent and beautiful.)

'It has my love, but it will grow back won't it darling'. I said.
'Yes, it will all grow back Auntie Lizzie..' She said in a- it - doesn't - matter tone of voice.

How gorgeous??

98. 60 ways to make life simple again

Ok.
So you can tell what sort of mood I am in for posting this.
But I figured that not posting it would be a shame.
I can look back on this another day when I need it and so can you....xx

Marc and Angel Hack Life

Practical Tips for Productive Living

When we were young life was easier, right?  I know sometimes it seems that way.  But the truth is life still is easy.  It always will be.  The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get, the more we complicate things for ourselves.
You see, when we were young we saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes.  We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas.  We liked people who smiled.  We avoided people who frowned.  We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.
As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences.  At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts.  When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and a fell down.  This happened several times.  Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together.
As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb our wounds and fill our voids.  We worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home.  We started holding grudges, playing mind games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead.  And when it didn’t work out, we lived above our means, bought things we didn’t need, and ate and drank some more just to make ourselves feel better again.
Over the course of time, we made our lives more and more difficult, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really need.
So let’s get back to the basics, shall we?  Let’s make things simple again.  It’s easy.  Here are 60 ways to do just that:

Life is not complex.  We are complex.  Life is simple,
and the simple thing is the right thing.
- Oscar Wilde

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds.  Don’t make other people try to read yours.  Communicate.
2. Be polite, but don’t try to be friends with everyone around you.  Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.
3. Your health is your life, keep up with it.  Get an annual physical check-up.
4. Live below your means.  Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.  Always sleep on big purchases.  Create a budget and savings plan and stick to both of them.
5. Get enough sleep every night.  An exhausted mind is rarely productive.
6.  Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man.  That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness, and other unnecessary headaches.
7. Get off your high horse, talk it out, shake hands or hug, and move on.
8. Don’t waste your time on jealously.  The only person you’re competing against is yourself.
9. Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps.  Let them do the stuff they’re better at so you can do the stuff you’re better at.
10. Organize your living space and working space.  Read David Allen’s book Getting Things Done for some practical organizational guidance.
11. Get rid of stuff you don’t use.
12. Ask someone if you aren’t sure.
13. Spend a little time now learning a time-saving trick or shortcut that you can use over and over again in the future.
14. Don’t try to please everyone.  Just do what you know is right.
15. Don’t drink alcohol or consume recreational drugs when you’re mad or sad.  Take a jog instead.
16. Be sure to pay your bills on time.
17. Fill up your gas tank on the way home, not in the morning when you’re in a hurry.
18. Use technology to automate tasks.
19. Handle important two-minute tasks immediately.
20. Relocate closer to your place of employment.
21. Don’t steal.
22. Always be honest with yourself and others.
23. Say “I love you” to your loved ones as often as possible.
24. Single-task.  Do one thing at a time and give it all you got.
25. Finish one project before you start another.
26. Be yourself.
27. When traveling, pack light.  Don’t bring it unless you absolutely must.
28. Clean up after yourself.  Don’t put it off until later.
29. Learn to cook, and cook.
30. Make a weekly (healthy) menu, and shop for only the items you need.
31. Consider buying and cooking food in bulk.  If you make a large portion of something on Sunday, you can eat leftovers several times during the week without spending more time cooking.
32. Stay out of other people’s drama.  And don’t needlessly create your own.
33. Buy things with cash.
34. Maintain your car, home, and other personal belongings you rely on.
35. Smile often, even to complete strangers.
36. If you hate doing it, stop it.
37. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.
38. Apologize when you should.
39. Write things down.
40. Be curious.  Don’t be scared to learn something new.
41. Explore new ideas and opportunities often.
42. Don’t be shy.  Network with people.  Meet new people.
43. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you.
44. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and likeminded.
45. Don’t text and drive.  Don’t drink and drive.
46. Drink water when you’re thirsty.
47. Don’t eat when you’re bored.  Eat when you’re hungry.
48. Exercise every day.  Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program
49. Let go of things you can’t change.  Concentrate on things you can.
50. Find hard work you actually enjoy doing.
51. Realize that the harder you work, the luckier you will become.
52. Follow your heart.  Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.
53. Set priorities for yourself and act accordingly.
54. Take it slow and add up all your small victories.
55. However good or bad a situation is now, it will change.  Accept this simple fact.
56. Excel at what you do.  Otherwise you’ll just frustrate yourself.
57. Mature, but don’t grow up too fast.
58. Realize that you’re never quite as right as you think you are.
59. Build something or do something that makes you proud.
60. Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.

November 1st, 2010 @ 12:02 am  by: Marc

97. Clip - ''Look at yourself after watching this''

gives me a little wake up everytime I watch it....

96. Lovely weekend

Great news!
The GCSF injection that I was given on Wednesday to boost my white cell count seems to have done a great job. It made it so I could have chemo on Thursday and has made it also that my side effects have been less aggressive. I have hardly felt sick at all. I've felt tired but not completely out of it just slept more through the day really.
 I have been able to eat normally and not just eat certain picky foods. I am really pleased! It's such a relief. Fingers crossed it continues.

This weekend I have spent time with my Mum and Dad on Fri and Sat evening and then this evening we went out for a lovely Italian meal with for Anthony's Grandma's 80th birthday. We had such a special time. There was us, Grandma, Katy,(Anthony's sister) her Husband Mark, their daughter Millie, Jean and Derek, (Anthony's parents) Janet and Phil (Derek's sister and husband) Gaynor and Gaz and Gem (Anthony's cousins and Gaz's lovely girlfriend :) xx It was so great and to chat to everyone and be all together was just what we needed. We all had lots to eat and had coffee at Grandma's after. We mostly chatted, giggled, yawned and giggled some more at photos from the meal. Thank you everyone xxx I will be sat up for a while yet before bedtime still full from tea!

Anthony's not feeling too well this evening, he's starting with flu, all achey and stuff.
I know he's worrying about giving me the lurgey, but like I said, what can we do... not much.. these things happen. I just have to deal with it the best I can if I get it. Bless him though. He just knows I am doing well at the moment and doesn't want me to get it. Hey ho. It'll be ok.

Ziggy our cat, has just been making us laugh out loud, chasing some sweetie papers around the room. He does this cute pouncing action, where his ears go flat down and then his eyes light up. So funny. Worn himself out now though!

I have got even more plenty of art and craft things to be doing now- Anthony's Grandma gave me another bag of material, felts and things. Together with a craft magazine and cards to use. I love it!! I can sit and potter when I feel up to it. I have also made some more felt birds for my little project, will add some photos later.

I had to empty my phone of photos today! As I keep taking them every where I go for my blog. I love it though! Put all the photos on the portable hard drive. hehe.!

I am ending my weekend feeling very happy and blessed to have such special wonderful families. That have helped me to focus on laughing, smiling and reminding me who I am. Love to you all xxxxx

Night night, be back on soon x

95. My creations (ongoing)

Just adding updated photos of my growing plants and the first felt bird of many on a little project I am starting.

Delphiniums, never thought they'd grow, but look at their cute little leaves! bless... I love growing things. So satisfying and so easy.

More delph's with a random teddybear sunflower nustled in lol..

More teddybear sunflowers, teddy bears or sun spots, I've mixed them up now, they'll be a lovely surprise when they bloom in the Summer

These will be red poppies...

More stars, made when I was in hospital ..

Me and Zig this afternoon when he'd gotten wet in the rain, came in for a snuggle. I love how his paw is on my shoulder. I look a bit rough, my skin around my eyes seems darker after 3rd chemo, not sure why.. hmmm..

My first felt bird. Making quite a few and adding them to a canvas scene, I'll post more as I go... they're really easy and effective.. and cute of course. :P

94. Things

93. Chemo 3 done and dusted

Yesterday I had my 3rd chemo. So far it was the least painful of sessions. It felt like I was there slightly longer, but I didn't seem to mind that much.
I found out I will potentially have 12 sessions in total. Which takes me to September.
I will be scanned after my 4th chemo, to see how the lymph nodes have responded and this should determine what will happen from there.
I am feeling the best I have felt after a chemo session.
Got home last night and was able to eat a full meal, no sickness feelings. Just sleepy, but I had been feeling that way all morning, since I woke up.
I drank plenty of water and dozed a little.

The steroids are making me hungry and through the night I kept waking up every hour at half past the hour. It was so irritating. I got up at 7ish and had some tinned fruit for breakfast with my tablets. Went back to bed with a coffee for a bit, then had a toasted tea cake. I've not snacked a lot today like I normally do. Had a prawn cocktail salad for lunch.

I have experienced pins and needles in my hands and lower arms, a new side effect which I haven't experienced as yet. That was last night, but so far today I haven't had it, otherwise I was going to call the ward for advice. My temperature is about 35 - 36 deg C, so that's ok.

I am using some lovely Moroccan oil on my short hair. Becky gave me it when I was first diagnosed. It's fab and smells a bit like Jean Paul Gaultier. One of my favourite perfumes. The one in the female body shaped bottle.
The oil is lovely and makes my scalp and hair feel soft.

I have been making more paper stars and hearts - I made some as I sat having chemo yesterday. Then I just dozed through the rest.

I am going have a snooze this afternoon I hope. I was talking to Nicky on facebook last night and she said that when she was having chemo, sleep and water were the best things.
It's so helpful to chat to Nicky and my other new friends on facebook. Makes me feel that I am not alone in experiencing this.

I am really enjoying listening to a new album that I have downloaded by The Weepies - I downloaded it after I fell in love with 'Thought of You' animation.
It's one of those albums you can relax and listen to. The first afternoon I listened to it, it was warm outside and doing that long, hard rain. The type that sounds so beautiful. I had the living room windows open and there was a stunning blackbird singing away. Perfect afternoon. Thanks to Mike Allinson again for recommending :)

I have lots of art ideas and things I want to make. I have started a canvas of a sunflower, simply sketched out the ideas for it. I also want to experiment with felt shapes on canvas, mixed with cartoon drawings. My energy isn't quite there just yet, but my ideas are and i've written them all down.

Well, fingers crossed this good feeling lasts! I'm impressed so far! xxx

92. Thank you for your support...

I've just realised Zig made it into this photo.... !?

I have had an over whelming response to my blog and I want to say a special thank you to you for reading my blog. I started this as a personal diary so I could look back at my progress and journey of experiences as I go.
Sharing it really has benefitted me. I have received messages of great support and encouragement. It hasn't just helped me though....
I have opened my emails and messages to find that I have inspired people and helped people. I never thought for one minute I could do that by just writing my feelings.
For people to open up to me and be honest about their lives and/or feelings is a big thing and I want to thank you for doing this, if you are one of these people.

I have said it before, but I want to say it again. You are my support network and when I log on and see messages, it spurs me on to keep going and keep believing. Thank you x x x

91. White count good, chemo 3 - 18th May

Hello there..
went to the hospital this afternoon for my 2nd injection to boost white count. They took a blood test first and the nurse said I could wait to find out the results before having another injection - which could possibly be unnecessary. So after the blood was taken, Anthony and I went for a coffee.
It took an hour for the results to come back and they were normal, which was good. Means I can have chemo 3 tomorrow at 11am. Anthony is taking me this time, which will be nice. Going to take some star making to do and some reading.
I have been really tired today and headache-y, the nurse said it's likely to be side effects of the injection. I think it's a bit of both and the last bits of the cold I had last week. I'm still really sniffley and have catarrh.
To add to that my IBS has flared up tonight and I have indigestion. It's been ages since I have had it. Anthony's just making me a mint tea and getting me a wheat bag for my tum. Love him. xx

Dreading tomorrow. Trying to remain positive and think it'll be another one done and ticked off. Anthony keeps reminding me and so do friends and family who contact me about this blog. Thank you for reminding me. It's really hard sometimes. I do have my down days. I've been a nightmare moody cow today! Irritable and meh. I am finding that I usually am the day before chemo.

Ziggy is curled up on the other sofa. All cute.
He's been less moody these past couple of days. I didn't know that cats could be like that. He's like me!

He's all affectionate again today and wanting to be with us everywhere we go. He likes to sit next to me, tonight he was sitting with me and watching me fold paper. Here is what I made..



Paper hearts! Cute!





and another..



I made some more stars too...

Keeping busy with craft things, keeps my mind busy. These types of things arent too intense and I can sit and do them as a dvd or tv is on...I've prepped some paper to take to chemo tomoz, so I can sit and make as I have my treatment. It's there as an option any way, if I don't feel up to it, they'll wait until I do.

:) xxx

90. Blood test results

Sooooooooo....
Got the phone call this afternoon.
My white count is 0.8 and it needs to be 1. The nurse said it's not drastically low, but low enough.
So - I had to go back into hospital this afternoon for an injection to boost the production of my white cells. Joy. I could have had it in my tummy but opted for the back of the arm. It stung like mad. So going to have the next one in my tummy. Got to go tomorrow at 2pm for another.
Then fingers crossed chemo will be able to go ahead on Thursday. I am still smiling. It's not delayed a whole week like last time.
It was frustrating to have to go back in again today and then tomorrow and then again on Thursday, but hey!! I HAVE A PARKING PERMIT!

I'm really sleepy now. Need to have something to eat and you know when you can't be bothered doing anything or cooking. That's me tonight. Hmmmm...... food.

89. Pay It Forward

Sharing the love and paying forward things.
Small or big...It's still paying it forward. I love this film.
Worth a watch if you're not familiar with it.

88. Blood test, parking and feeling good

Morning all :)
I've just got back from having another blood test. I was the best - again. Nearly able to look at the needle now!? I know!!! I can't believe it. Next time I am going to look. I only did a little bit of foot tapping today.
Diane and Sally (the nurses) were pleasently shocked to see me with my newly shaved head. Sally gave me a big cuddle and was happy to see me so happy. She said my eyes were really blue and looked really big. Made me feel really nice and gave me a boost.
Diane mentioned that because I have had low white count before it may mean that I will have to have at some point the injections in my tummy to boost white cells. If anyone reading this has any information/experience with this could they message me, that would be great. I have left a message for Dr Newton to call me back, but I don't know when she'll get in touch.

I mentioned pay and display car park fees a while ago in my blog. It's £2 for 3 hours and £5 for the full day. I have racked up quite a bit of money, paying each time to park and decided to go find out about a permit of some kind today. I would have done it before, but to be totally honest I really wasnt strong enough or bothered. I had that much on my mind and paying £2/£5 wasn't a priority.
Today I felt particularly strong physically and mentally to ask, listen and work things out, so off I went to ask. Sally on the ward said I needed to go to patient advice service and ask them. They were really helpful and friendly, thankfully. I had to take a form to Sally who would fill out the information for me and sign it. Back to the ward. She did it straight away for me and signed it til September for now and then review later depending on what happens with appointments. It felt weird thinking like that. Seeing the date 1/9/11 and knowing I would be coming and going to hospital from now until that time and possibly a bit longer, felt odd. You might think why, hadn't you worked it out that it would be that? well.. really I hadn't.... my mind and feelings have been for the now and taking each day at a time. Other wise I think I would get all stressy and plan to far in advance.

I had to go back to the desk and pass that to the patient advice team. Where a lady figured out how much it would cost. I didn't have a figure in mind, but Sally had said it would be at a reduced rate and would cost less than paying seperately all those times over and over.
The lady came back and told me I needed to go to the cashiers and pay the sum of £13. THIRTEEN POUNDS. That is all?! That's the equivalent to two lots of chemo and a blood test. And I had a permit for 10 appointments with a review to more. I was very pleased. I thought about all the other people that might not know about doing this. It's not something that is advertised, I'm guessing because the hospital need/want to make as much money as possible and advertising it would make it so they wouldn't do so.
I paid the £13 and went back to the desk (yo-yo, but it was worth it) A different lady came out and gave me a permit. It was for my reg plate and Anthony's, so which ever car we're in it's ok. Really worth doing. I thanked everyone for their help and left feeling chuffed and happy that I wouldn't need to faff about with pound coins again and I was saving money!

Back at the car park, I started to unlock the car and a man and I'm guessing his wife pulled up. 'Are you going love?!' He wanted my space, it had gotten really busy in the car park. I smiled, took out my pay and display ticket and asked him if he was staying long. There were a couple of hours left on the ticket. I know it's probably frowned by people in the car park money making business, but I try and help out other people if I can. He smiled a big smile and thanked me. He was visiting his Mum who had just been admitted, I thought about how stressful that would be and how getting to the hospital itself and parking can be a nightmare.
 'Suppose you want my space now as well do ya?!' I said in a jokey smiley way. His wife giggled, 'well yes please!' 
I gave them a wave as I left the car park and they waves back and they both looked happy. I felt good inside.

I drove home with my music loud and full of joy, drove home.

Waiting to either get a phone call or not about my chemo. Will keep you posted... xxx