It's a cloudy Monday morning.
Lots of depressing news about with the awful happenings in Norway and the death of Amy Winehouse. I woke up feeling uh today. Also it's 'cause I know I am going to see someone about benefits and I really can't be bothered. My brain has turned to mush with not working and I really struggle to retain information. The effects of not working are rubbish. Don't like it.
The thought of all those figures and numbers and dates and times and ahhhhh, dont like it.
I'm going to see if we are eligable for anything. So will hopefully find out some info. I have always worked and never claimed a thing, so am clueless!!
My body feels quite good today. Had a bit of a health kick with fruit and lots of water these past couple of days. Still had treats but just with the healthy stuff I dont feel as guilty.
I have put more weight on and feel heavier when getting about. It's tiring. My arms feel bigger, my belly and my thighs. Even my face now feels bigger? It looks it. I cringe when I catch sight of my reflection in Anthony's sunglasses or in car windows. *shudder*
I am more accepting of it now than I was. Got my head around it a bit more. Knowing it's not forever.
But I won't ever feel comfortable with the physical side of it. There's no way I can stay this size and live happily. I know once I come off the steroids and other drugs the weight will start to come off. It's just not me and I will do whatever my body will allow me to when treatment is over, to shift the weight.
I know there will be some recovery and getting my strength back will be part of that process. It's wierd, but it's like learning all new things again, like before I was learning what chemo and effects will be like. I will be learning what recovery is like and how to go about things. Another learning curve..
Well, better go get ready. Jen's just rung and offered to go with me. So am feeling a bit more positive now to have her there with me. Support and another pair of ears, it counts for a lot. xx
No comments:
Post a Comment