One of those days! Woke up worrying about money. I don't know why. For some reason I just did. Some days I wake up and think of nothing but pain, but I can usually tell I am on a good day physically when I can have the strength to worry about something like money. Anthony told me to stop worrying and we will be ok. But I am the worrier in our relationship. I have to talk things through and sometimes more than once if it's really getting to me!
I've had information about benefits from someone who I went to see back in June or July time. But then I had just stopped on full pay and still didn't qualify for any form of help.
So I got the Disability Living Allowance form filled in and just have a few bits to go. Then I also spoke to Macmillan and was told I can apply for ESA which replaces my SSP when that stops in Oct. My wage will stop in November. It's going to be tight and very hard work, we're going to have to keep ourselves afloat as much as we can. I can also apply for a Macmillan grant too, but that is means tested so will need to wait and see.
So I called the number Macmillan gave me for the ESA benefit. I found speaking to the woman on the end of the phone at the job centre very hard work. She was unfriendly, short, sharp, official and too fast.
I felt bamboozled, lost, confused and bloody stupid to be honest.
I ignored her rude tone to begin with and reminded myself that this had to be done in order to get somewhere. I understand people need to do their jobs and be official and ask all the relevant questions. But surely, honestly, if these workers deal with people making claims for cancer that they should be spoken to with some sort of sensitivity? Training into what cancer patients might be going through? Awareness at least given to the workers? I don't want spoon feeding or speaking to like I am an idiot, not at all. But I don't expect to be rushed or made out to be stupid. I made my feelings clear to the woman on the phone and there was silence. I explained that someone going through chemotherapy is in pain, is tired and a - normally - quick phone call like this is hard work to me. Talking numbers, figures, listening to complicated worded questions and trying to figure out what they mean by them, are all challenging things when you havent worked for 6 months. I burst into tears on the phone. I had been so hurt by her impatient tone and ways. I told her this too. She apologised instantly. But I was pretty angry and needed a moment to calm down. She called back 2 mins later like she said she would and instantly apologised again for speaking out of turn and rushing me.
Compare this to the likes of well trained staff who work for Macmillan. Couldnt be more different and more professional. Unbeliveable service and help from Kerry at the Welfare Rights Team. Yes, they are trained in this capacity of course! And this is the difference. Kerry spoke to me for 40 mins about all the things available and how best to support my forms with evidence of my illness. I expressed my gratitude to Kerry and felt so much better after talking to her. I felt stronger and more hopeful. I think the fact that I had had such a good experience on the phone to Kerry, that when I spoke to the job centre it was like BOOM. And my expectations were wayyyy too high.
So it's been quite a day really... these two phone calls had to be made, then my blood test and then the local paper calling me for me to feature in it.
Going to Mum's tonight to finish these benefit forms and also apply for interest only on my mortgage. All form filling, all time consuming and tricky when your head is so fuzzy from not working, chemo and feeling weak at times. There has to be a strong day available to do all these sorts of things.
Wish me luck! haha xxx
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