The end of the chapter means the start of a new one. I feel like I may start a whole new blog all together now, as the start of my life picks up again and I begin another journey as I recover.
I was sent some beautiful flowers from Alison, a close friend of my Mum's. We have been emailing each other and it has been really lovely to hear from her and keep in touch. These flowers were so unusual, almost like orchids. Amazing crafts of beauty!xx
I also got a card from Mum's work friends with lovely messages inside, which meant so much xxx
Our next door neighbours Pam and her daughter Katie, have been there for us since we moved in. Pam has done more than what neighbours do and they've become dear friends to us. Last night Katie brought a card round she had made. Pam couldn't come over as she didn't feel well and didn't want to pass any bugs on. Katie had also made me a bracelet and ring from some really beautiful, unusual beads. The card was so cute, but the message inside... was so precious. I get all goosebumpy just thinking about it. I will mention that Katie is in Year 6 at school.
How precious? To be able to write those words? Pam must be so so proud. Gorgeous people. Very lucky to have them around. xxxx
Since my great news last week I have been resting but also making a lot of felt creations and keeping my mind and hands busy. It's perfect really as I can be busy but not exerting myself too much.
I have had a few down days where I have been tired and fed up. But to be honest, I haven't had chance to dwell on things, because somewhere, someone will text me or message me on facebook/twitter and remind me of how well I am doing. I think it must be my coping mechanism that just ploughs me through and pushes on - much like going through chemo really. I do sit and talk things through a lot with Anthony and he is fab at listening and helping me see things in perspective. (when I sit alone sometimes, it becomes easy to get things all confuddled and over think. That's why the creative stuff is fab, stick a DVD on and lose myself in the crafty world!!)
I have a long Christmas card list and love the fact I have so many new friends online, some who I hope to meet next year. A few who are experiencing cancer at the moment or have an illness which is life threatening. And some who have read my blog and have got in touch and continued to email.
My talk at the Women with Vision meeting really helped me and was a turning point just before remission -like a release for me. I want to keep in contact with Bradford Cancer Support and help future patients where and when I can.
I am still slowly building up strength. There are many many small little things that I found SO hard to do during chemo that I can now do once again.
I can now blow out tealights in the first attempt! Before I was so so out of breath that I couldn't. I had hardly any strength in my lungs. My being out of breath is still there but no where near as scary and bad as it was. Did I mention about what the consultant said? The PET scan showed that there is inflammation on my lungs from the Bleomycin (drug from the ABVD chemo) which can happen. So I will have to see if this out of breath continues to improve. They may give me a chest x-ray in the next couple of months to check how it is.
I can now carry a basket of washing up and down stairs without struggling.
Now I can clean the kitchen and have the energy to finish it.
I basically have a lot of independence back and it feels amazing. I still have to do small doses of things, or I will pay for it the day after/ in the evening.
Something that I am still struggling with is my face and how the drugs and steroid's effect is still evident. I still have that swollen look on certain days and those chubby cheeks. My eyes are still chemo-dark circled and it's a nasty reminder of what I've been through sometimes. Like a stomach sinking feeling. I can let it really bother me sometimes and I can't hide the fact it does hurt to see that still there. I was talking with Mum though yesterday and it helped. I realised that it wasn't until roughly halfway though my treatment that I started to look like this and it was a gradual thing becoming this way physically, heavier, looking bigger all over.
So it's bound to be as gradual losing the look too. I cannot happen over 7 weeks. It's got to take more time and I am rubbish, I know, for not realising that! It will happen in stages.
My hair is getting much longer, still in naturally curls into a mohawk! It's so funny!! Even when I try and style it, it still goes back to that look! When I wake up it does it too.
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It will prob need a little trim soon. Fiona?? (my hairdresser, who I miss visiting - soooo much) xx
My eyebrows are less fluffy and still taking their time to get back to their normal selfs. Miss them. Ladies, look after your eyebrows and love them, NEVER take them for granted.
Anthony said he thinks my scar on my neck has faded a little bit. Have been trying to keep up with using the Bio Oil, good stuff, may sound silly but up until the last week I just havent had the energy to put it on! My muscles are pretty much nil. I can't emphasis enough the extent to which chemo has battered me!!!
Well. I think that pretty much covers the last week really.
I miss hearing from people. It would be lovely for anyone to get in touch who has read this. Even if you haven't emailed before. xxx sendittolizzie@googlemail.com
Lots of love xx
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