Yesterday I had an appointment with my usual consultant. I couldnt get to see her last week and saw someone else. Which was really unhelpful and upsetting for various reasons to do with how I was treated and made to feel.
This appt yesterday was much better and I left feeling happy and content.
The consultant talked through with me any worries I had and made me feel like she had all the time possible for me. She listened to my breathing, as I had complained of feeling very out of breath. This is common as the Bleomycin can leave the lungs inflammed and cause breathlessness. If it gets worse I need to contact the hospital. I can say that since last week when I mentioned about it, it has improved slightly, which is great.
The consultant said she had spoken to the Macmillan nurse after I had last week. I had requested a referral to see a psychologist for some after care, after everything I have been through and wanted to get the ball rolling now, as there will inevitably be a waiting list. Last week I could feel my emotions slipping and I noted this to the person I saw last week. She told me to wait, as she thought that the final scan results would make me feel better. I disagreed. Yes the result of a clear scan is something to be very happy about of course!! But the upset and uncertainty I have been through, not to mention the turmoil of chemo and how it has changed me in so many ways, has left me feeling in shock and disbelief. It's hard to put into words. All I know is that after an episode of mild depression in the past, I have an awareness of my mental state and when it takes a dip and it has and does.
I am waiting to see the Macmillan nurse again next week to see what they think about some form of after care. I need to re-read that document on recovery again.
It was really good to feel bothered about yesterday compared to the week before when I felt like a pure number, a nuisance and overall hypochondriac with that dismissive tone.
*contented sigh*
I left the hospital smiling and felt lifted. I called Anthony, he was in my car - taking it for the MOT. I was in his car. We arranged for me to meet him at the garage and pick him up. I drove all the way back feeling so happy. I played some brill tunes in the car. As I drove down the hill, Anthony walked out of the drive from the garage where he had dropped the car off. Timing!! Love it when that happens. Its like when you go to the supermarket car park and there's the best parking space there waiting for you with chaos around you but it doesn't involve you.
AND! I've just had a lovely chat with Cheryl from work. Work had been collecting for my Zip Slide! How generous. So she's just made an online donation. Which bumps the total up to £1805.75. Thank you West Oaks!
Then I got a lovely email from Lisa saying how much I am missed. It made me feel so good to read that. When you have been away from work for so long you forget such a lot and I have had to accept that my skills and creativity are not being put to use in a work capacity but when you are told the things you do are being missed as well as you the person, it makes a difference, it really does.
Looking forward to seeing them all again :)
No comments:
Post a Comment