I had spoken to Mum on the phone before I got ready for bed. I have been trying so hard to be strong in front of my parents, protecting them I guess. It must be so hard to go through this for them too. But being all strong and not showing anything to them left me feeling mean and like I had brushed them off by not showing my feelings.
I cried on the phone to Mum. She was so strong and told me they were following my lead and however I was behaving, feeling or being, they would understand. What more could I ask for?
After a long chat and me getting a lot off my chest I felt so much better. But as soon as I got upstairs and looked into Anthony's eyes my heart filled with fear and sadness.
I sobbed solidly for what felt like ages. Anthony held me. He told me this was going to happen and I would feel better after it. He was so right. When I woke up this morning I felt like one of my little dark clouds had lifted.
This is one of the steps I had to take after learning I have cancer.
We have just been preparing a lovely meal together and even though nothing has changed and I still have cancer, we are both laughing together and being ourselves with each other.
Anthony knows I have had a cry and I think this shows that I have realised this is happening now. We both have.
After my scan today I went to the Cancer Support Centre for Airedale & Bradford. One word. Wow. What a beautiful, serene haven.
I walked in and it was like going round to a friends house. I was offered a coffee, which I snapped up after fasting for so long!
Cancer Support Centre, Bradford
I was then offered the chance to meet the wellfare officer Sarah. I wanted to find out as much as I possibly could from this place. I think it is part of the ongoing accepting stage for me.
There are sooooo many things available to cancer patients! I didn't even realise. Tomorrow I am starting Hypnotherapy. I have access to 6 sessions and if I wish I can change to another therapy like aromatherapy or reflexology. There is also a Body & Mind drop in group that I can attend whenever I feel up to it. I can learn new techniques and coping strategies. Also there is a beauty therapist that visits the centre and offers manicures and pedicures. And- there's a pottery group and watercolour group which I think I would really love too.
I left feeling even more supported and because the centre is literally over the road from Ward 7 where I will receive Chemo I can bob in anytime.
When I got home after the scan and the visit to the centre I just flopped on the sofa. Shattered!
I rang Mum and asked her and Dad over for a coffee. Which they did. They both helped me clean up the house - we've been a bit behind with it lately, so it is nice to sit in here with a freshly tidied sitting room. Anthony came home and it just felt like a lovely normal day xxxx
Oooh look - I got a lovely surprise in the post today...
Thank you Rebecca, love you to bits xxx
1 comment:
Awwwwww bless you!! I want to give you a great big hug. Make use of all the therapies sugar; it will help make you feel better when your not having a good day etc.
Love you Loads xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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