Telling people you have Hodgkin Lymphoma/Cancer.. is really tough. You don't know how each person is going to react. With easy ways to contact people these days - like texts, facebook, email it does take off the pressure of face to face. But I am a face to face person as most people know.. I love keeping in touch but I am a deal with it kind of person when it comes to telling/talking. Always have been.
Anthony spoke to his parents, brother Chris and his Sister Katy. Laura rang me. Then there was a bit of a lull. We sat at home after the results and watched tv. Lol - Lily Allen - Riches to rags, was the last one, quite good actually. :)
Then we sat and went through the booklet about Hodgkin's.
It is a really helpful informative booklet and clear. I was skimming fast and looking at everything but Anthony was taking his time and taking it all in. Opposites and all that I guess.
I began to think about what to do about telling people. Some people I wanted to tell others I didn't. I had a think.
I knew I could rely on Andy... I messaged him. Explained my results and that I was finding it hard. He offered to tell some people for me which took a lot of weight off my shoulders. People then got in touch with me, it sort of helped to break the ice sort of thing?
Everyone has been amazing. Offering to help me out in anyway - shopping, (there goes the ice cream van - as i am typing this there's an ice cream van driving round our surrounding streets - its tune is Blue Peter, it cracks me up every so often, how random is Blue Peter for an ice cream van??)
People have said they will come sit with me when I have started Chemo and I'm stuck at home feeling crappy and ill.
I rang work that afternoon, spoke to Lynn - who was fantastic. I arranged with Lynn that I would go into work the next day (Thursday) and meet with Zoe, Lisa and Dawn to go through the info I had been given.
After telling a few more people I started to feel wierd. It doesn't feel real. It's like a film. When I tell people it's like I am sat next to myself saying it, reading it like parrot fashion. But the stuff I have read bears no real meaning until I start the treatment. That's when I will be really scared.
From a young age needles were never a problem.. I'd be uncomfortable with having injections, like the ones you have when you're little and then rubella for girls and TB at high school.
I think TB was in the 6th form? I had a bad 'do' after that one and fainted in the toilets, Mel Pickup had to catch me, I remember that and often giggle about it.
I had a blood test a few years ago now, probably more and I fainted after that one too. After a couple of experiences with needles where I fainted - I found it hard to go for injections/blood tests and would get in a bit of a state about it.
A close friend, Gem, encouraged me to give blood. I had always seen the adverts and loved them and thought that I should really try and do a good deed and it might help me get over the fear. It did help and after a few times of giving blood I felt a bit better about it. But then I stopped going - something else was always going on on the night I was meant to be going and then my iron count was down, so i thought it was best left until that improved.
A few years ago, my mind is a bit fuzzy Andy so forgive me haha.. my friend Andy was attacked at a rugby match and ended up in hospital with a broken jaw. It was terrifying and we went to go visit him just after it had happened. I remember being with him when he was getting some pain relief I think it was, anyway he had to have a canula put in his hand. Andy hates needles more than me i think, plus he'd had a really horrible shock and was in a hell of a lot of pain and discomfort. I had wobbly knees just watching the nurse come over with the needle and 'stuff'. I quickly thought about what I'd want if I was him. I moved closer and sat with him and just comforted him. I smiled and I told him he'd be alright. We have a laugh about that moment every now and then. Along with many other memories we have!
I want it to be like that for me. When I look back I want to be able to smile and think woah, what a time but look where I am now.... :)
No comments:
Post a Comment