Had a lovely day today. Went to spend it with Anthony's family: his Mum - Jean, Dad - Derek, Sister -Katy and her husband Mark and their daughter Millie - she's 2 and utterley adorable.
Anthony's family have always enjoyed motor sport and regularly attend rallies to spectate and marshall at.
This one today was the LookOut Rally at Melbourne airfield near York, which the family help to organise and set up as part of the motor club they attend called Trackrod.A day out was just what we both needed. Away from the usual scenery at home.
It was nice to chat to Jean and Katy today about my feelings and worries. I just said how I am worried about talking about IT to them. How I am worried about bringing them down and bringing the mood down especially on a day like today when it was so sunny, happy, smiley and fun. They were so understanding and said it was important to talk anytime I felt the need to and that they will always be there for me.
Anthony had the chance to chat with his Dad for a bit before I walked in. Seeing them today was really good for him.
I was concious that I had moments of quiet throughout the day. Sometimes I just have a flood of thoughts coming through my mind. It was like that today. The best thing was I had Millie to distract me. Even though I really do not mind questions about what is going on.. kids have a fabulous innocence and can make you smile so easily. Especially Millie.
I spoke to them about the possibility of me losing my hair. I stood in the caravan and looked in the mirror. It's wierd to imagine myself with no hair. If it all goes I will be bald! me.. bald. That sounds bizarre. I put my hands over my hair line trying to picture my possible future reflection.
I was reading some stuff on the internet earlier.. about what other cancer sufferers do when they start Chemo. Some people decide to take control and shave their hair off before it starts to fall out. Apparently this can be a better option because when it does fall out the scalp becomes painful and sore and if there is less hair length to fall and get tangled it can reduce the pain. Some people were saying how they didnt want to shave until they knew for sure that their hair was going to fall out. Anthony is remaining positive and taking one day at a time with the whole hair thing. I am jumping forward and thinking right forward. He tells me just to wait and see what happens. I think he's right. If my treatment turns out to not make my hair fall out I could have shaved my hair off for nothing. I guess only time will tell.
I thought about wigs as well. We chatted on the way home. I think if I do have to have a wig I will choose one that's really long. I've always loved the idea of having long hair right down my back. But because my hair is so thick it gets to a stage where I cant bear it any longer and I get it cut. I get arm ache just blow drying it and straightening is even more of a job! Suppose I am looking at the positives by thinking about longer hair? Even though it would be fake I'd be making the best of a bad situation.
I have to go to hospital tomorrow.. I have a PET scan.
Positron Emission Tomography. A scan of my body.
I can't eat or drink anything other than water for 6 hours prior to the scan. (I have to be there for 8am)
I can't consume caffeine in the 6 hours prior to my scan.
I have to drink one to two pints of water during the 2 hours prior to my scan- but I don't need a full bladder for the procedure.
The procedure involves an injection of a mildly radioactive tracer. I have this and let it go around my body for 60 minutes. The scan itself involves me lying still for 30 minutes.
Lovely eh.
The PET scan is done to show up the cancer, reveal the stage of the cancer, show whether the cancer has spread, help doctors decide on the most appropriate cancer treatment, and give doctors an indication on the effectiveness of ongoing chemotherapy.
There are no side effects after this scan so I can just drive home as normal tomorrow like I could after the CT scan.
I had a lovely message of support from Emma today. A friend who I havent seen for a while. We grew up together, playing out on our street and probably annoying the neighbours. Losing sponge tennis balls in the gutterings when hitting them as high as we could onto the roof tops. We lived in a terrace street and if you could get the ball right over the roof to the front of the street you were the best. I think I did it once, maybe twice.. ;)
When we were about 7, we played an invented game called flying tissues. I was reminded about this in the message.
'P.S Flying Tissues...'
(I am laughing and cringing as I write this... Emma you are probably the same..)
This game involved needing a windy day. If it was remotely breezy or if we were lucky it was blustery then one of us would have to sneak inside our house and raid the tissue box. (mum bought cheap scratchy tissues at the time. haha,..Sorry mum!)
Armed with enough tissues to share we would quietly sneak back outside, making sure the back door didnt make a noise. Then once shared, we would wait for a gust of wind. And in turn let a tissue go. (lol)
Our sheer giddiness at simply seeing a tissue dance in the wind and move crazily so it went out of sight at the top of the street sounds so bloody daft and I dont know why I am typing this now, but it proper cracked us up at the time!
I know, not very environmentally friendly. But Blue Peter had only just started to do the whole environment thing and publish books on it. That game is probably why I was bought that Blue Peter book. Chapter 4 - Littering and how it damages the environment
Memories are great arent they?
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| Me - pre flying tissues! 4 years old |
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