Anthony had to call Ward 7 for me last night.
He explained I was having problems with pain in both my ears, right down my neck. I had tried heat, ice, painkillers but nothing seemed to make it go away. Everytime I tried to flush out my system by drinking water I would get a stabbing pain each time I swallowed. By half 10 last night I was sat crying in agony and just wanted the pain gone.
The doctor on ward 7 said it was probably best to drive there and get checked out.
We're about 5 miles away from BRI and it really does feel like a quick journey, which I am so grateful for.
Even though I was in so much pain on the way there, I remember being able to appreciate the summery smell in the air. Which was made me happy. This could be happening to me in the middle of winter.
We parked up at the front entrance and found a space straight away. Anthony went to the pay and display machine.
I felt like I was dreaming.
Ward 7 was obviously like a ghost town at that time. Anthony was propping me up as we walked in. We waited in the room that I had been given Chemo. It felt spooky. Being in that room and being in there at night. We waited about half an hour and a nurse came to check my blood pressure and take some blood to check my bloodcount. About 45 mins of waiting the doctor came through. He checked my ears and said that there was no discharge and that the problem seemed to be an inner ear infection, a virus. Which meant I would have to wait for it to leave my body. I was given some anti sickness tablets for the dizzyness and some high dose ibuprofen.
But we couldn't go home, the doctor wanted us to wait for the bloodtest results to come back to check I was ok to go home. I was worried, I didn't want to stay in over night. I just wanted my home, my bed and sleep. We both just flaked out in the ward and fell asleep for about an hour. The doctor and the nurse woke us up and told us that my blood count was ok and we were free to go. We were both really relieved.
We walked back to the car and I felt happy that we had been to the hospital and I hadn't suffered all night without being checked by a doctor.
It was about half 1 when we got in.
Anthony was really tired, but never complained once. He said he would speak to his work in the morning and stay with me through the day. I am so glad he has. I didn't get out of bed until 12.00pm. I couldn't hardly move. The pain was unbearable. I didn't have the strength to cry. Anthony had to lift me out of bed and help me into the shower. Which was the best thing to do. I feel lots better than I did if I had just been moping in bed. I have had lunch and taken more pain relief. Now I am sat in the garden, in the famous chair, under a parasol, with a blanket, a wheat bag round my neck, wearing a fleece and my sunglasses. I look like an really really old person dressed up for the middle of winter but I am comfy. haha.
I can hear the beautiful sound of blackbirds singing and bees buzzing. I am so happy it's not winter. There isnt a cloud in the sky.
Ziggy isn't far away and keeps bobbing back to check I am ok. Sniffing the blanket and nudging me, collapsing in the sun and bathing in it.
I guess I just have to rest rest rest now and wait for this ear pain to leave.
At times I want to cry but the tears won't happen. I just feel stunned that this is what it is going to be like. Shocked. Frightened. My life is about tablets and drugs for the short term and there isn't anything I can do about it but sit it out and wait. I pray that things will ease a bit. I keep trying to look for the happy things, the sunshine, the flowers, the blue sky. I am grateful for everything I have and everyone I have around me. I just can't help being so frustrated at this pain.
Hope to be back on soon with my usual cheer xx Sorry xx
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