144. Scribble head

Hello everyone.  I've been a little quiet this week haven't I.
Hmm.

Well tomorrow is my half way point with the chemo. My 6th session out of 12.
Everyone keeps telling me it's all good from here, counting down, and not long to go now.

I've struggled massively with being positive this week. I have felt my mood almost slipping back to how it was when I went through stress and depression last year. 

As much as I agree with everyone about the half way point and the fact there's not long to go, I am still finding it hard to be pleased about it.

 I spoke to a nurse at the hospital today when I went for my blood test. I talked to her about my anger and frustration that I am feeling. Towards myself and the situation I am in. The nurse was really good in helping me to recognise I had been comfort eating and how it might be beneficial to chat to someone about this and help me to focus on other foods and find another outlet for my feelings. Hoping to hear something about it tomorrow when I go for my chemo. Will keep you posted.
The nurse was also really good in helping me talk through the fact that this last chemo session (5) was a particularly nasty one, as I had migranes for many days, stuck in the house, fatigue and then chemo pains on top. But it doesn't necessarily mean that this next one will be the same. It sounds so simple, but it's so true. She talked to me about how having too high expectations of myself can be damaging and I need to take it easy and not be so hard on myself. I agreed, I know I do that even when I am well. It's just what I do I guess. I felt better for chatting to her and was glad I was able to open up and take what she said as being help not being personal.

Phew.

Hoping to feel more like myself soon and get back that positivity. Does it grow anywhere?