Tomorrow I have a blood test for before chemo 5 on Thursday. After that I have to go for my PET scan. They are scanning me to see how the cancer has reacted to the chemo so far.
I feel ok about the scan as I have had one before. It's that one where I'll be mildly radioactive like Mr Burn's off the Simpson's. I'll have to have an injection and rest for 45mins and then have the scan which takes 30 mins. BORING!
It's getting the results I'll be nervous about. Hearing how the scan looks and what they can see and if the results mean more round of chemo. What will happen and how will this affect me. I am due to have 12 sessions of chemo in total. It'd be great if they could say to me, 12 is all you will be having. No more. I hope that's the outcome.
Anthony's Grandma phoned up tonight, she was so sweet and totally understood what I was saying about the way I have been feeling today. I said to her how I felt alone, but I didn't want company. She was like, oh of course, some days you just want to curl up in a ball on your own and make it all go away. To hear someone who could say something so understanding like that meant so much. When you feel unwell emotionally or physically, sometimes it seems some people think you should be able to just snap out of it or put a brave face on and also I feel that pressure, like i have to keep that Liz strength going and be the bubbly person I normally am. But honestly, believe me, it's just not that easy sometimes and the thought of company freaks you out if you're not prepared.
It's beginning to become very clear just how many issues dealing with cancer brings up. Socially, emotionally, physically, financially, mentally.
It's a balancing act far tougher than I thought it would be...
.....Good job I have so many wonderful people around me to keep me going xxx
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