187. Before and after in the garden :D

I was under instructions to take it easy. Much to my disappointment. I managed to do little bits and bobs like sweeping up and moving things but couldn't do anything else. I felt pretty useless to be honest. Watching Dad and Anthony doing so much clearing and barrowing to the skip! They were amazing and I am so proud of them.  Here's the photos xx

Before the clear out!

After my Dad, Mum and Anthony had taken all the weeds,
plants, soil and rubble. 5 hours of shifting it all!

Before!!

Amazing work Dad and Anthony...

So much better!

Mum planted the hollyhocks and delphiniums for me :)


Loving our garden even more now and I can plant up new things and watch them grow. Hurray!

Just had a delicious curry and going to relax and have a longgggggggg sleep :)

186. Edith Bowman and dislikes

I have got a little Saturday morning thing of listening to Edith Bowman on Radio 1.

But something is really irritating me about her lately...
Just wondering - is there ANYTHING that she doesn't like?

I am passionate about certain things, but there are things I dont' like!
Come on Edith, what don't you like!?
This observation led me to think about myself and what I don't like...

No particular order - just thoughts as they come to mind...and they are random, it's quite funny!

People who don’t smile back when I smile at them
Paper cuts
Lack of manners
Lateness
Bones in fresh fish
When people say 'I don't mind' instead of saying what they want to do
Crumbly cheese like Wensleydale
Raspberry seeds getting stuck in my teeth
Feta cheese
Creme fraiche
Cramp
Cricket
Bratty kids
Bad smells
Dale Winton
Bad drivers
Foisty towels/cleaning cloths
Yappy dogs


Will add more soon no doubt!! x

185. Re-post

I know I've posted this before, but I just love this song, so summery and the words are lovely.

 Plus, the video always makes me Anthony laugh and we always do the dance at the end that the guy in the red hoody does.... I can be having the crappest day and hear this and it just gets me smiling... !

184. Sponsor HAPPY!

I'd like to show my appreciation to the following for giving generously to my Zip Slide!

Isma
Margaret Harrison-Lord
Nicola Botka

I now have a total of £385! Yay! 77% of my target! THANK YOU! (very happy)

183. Swollen face and eyes :(

Just to keep a record of my hair loss, facial swelling, eye swelling. General stuff. Oh excuse the stuffed tissue in my top! haha.. i have constant teary eyes today and the tissues keep falling out of my sleeve, so have resorted to stuffing them in the top of my tops. Out of habit really. Forgot to check for the photo, hehe, oh well, nevermind.. x

There's the tissue again! haha.

 Just shows the changes my body has gone through this stage.... the steroids have given me the classic cheeks!



I accept it. It's just such a change.. one that I have to go through to make sure all the cancer is blasted out!!

182. Latest garden pics

theres the mud and clay we need to move on sat afternoon!

love these!!! so cute..

pretty!



My little lights :)



181. Phone

My phone is doing my head in. It keeps losing charge.Need to go and find my charger. I'd love a new phone, but I'm not due an upgrade until Dec! Argh.
I've got an old Nokia and would love an Android phone. Anthony loves his. *Jealous*!!

Ziggy is curled up asleep on the bed. He was mega twitching earlier. I went to sleep after my last blog entry and breakfast. He must have come in after his breakfast and explore and nodded off next to me. So cute. He's such a little buddy. Ooh he just did the biggest sigh. I must be typing too loud for his liking. He's quite particular and has set routines and gets in a fluster if i move things about in the house. I think he is quite high up on the autistic spectrum. :) LOVE xx

Anthony's on half day today, which means he'll be home in an hour. *excited dance*

I have lots of washing up to do, clothes to put away (they seem to mount up magically on my blanket box under the window, why i cant just put them away I dont know) Sort out my make up and toiletries - all untidy and make a shopping list at some point. Didn't do the online shop last week, left it too long and couldn't get a delivery time in time. I reckon we'll prob do morrisons again this week. Got some lovely fruit and I have eaten a lot better this week. I feel better about my eating.

It's all cloudy this morning, I think the sun will be out late afternoon though.
Off to take some photos of the sun flowers now. A red one has come out and she looks amazing.

180. Bonus days

I feel like I have some bonus days now, to enjoy the weather (?) and be at home and see family and friends.
Only thing I worry about is that when I have chemo next Thursday -  will it be a shock to the system and I have a bad time... But guess worrying does nothing and changes nothing.

Gonna have a winge now. At the moment, my eyes are so so swollen - thankfully not painful, but very annoying to say the least. My face is swollen anyway from the steroids, but having swollen eyelids as well. WELL - it just makes me feel so ugh! Chemo does horrible things to the body. Big big big, fat fat fat. Everywhere!No hair. BUT - the best smoothest skin I have ever had and my face has had no acne for ages and ages.
Anthony commented on my eyelids last night as we got into bed. I thought I would have felt self concious and embarrassed at him noticing, but he always says things like that in such a sensitive way and I didn't feel awful.
My eyes are constantly watering too. I look like I am crying!
I have a sore mouth now, after saying to Sally on wed at the hospital that my mouth hasnt been sore at all this time round.So an using the Gelclair stuff I have been given. It's a sachet of gel that you mix with water. Aniseed flavoured. Luckily I am one of the few people who loves aniseed things.
Just constantly applying bonjela at the moment. It's taken some of the swelling down. My gums are pretty sore, so much so, that my teeth acutally look smaller in size at the front. eek.

Think that's my winge over..

179. No chemo 8 tomorrow

Argh. My treatment has been postponed til next week now. My white count is way too low for chemo to go ahead. Totally out of the blue - as I feel well and have been ok compared to other chemo's, just tired and a little bit like I have the tail end of a cold - dunno, maybe it's that...
 Even Sally who took my bloods today said she was shocked to find out they were so low.
So now I will go for a blood test next wed and hopefully have chemo next Thurs! Things will be delayed a bit now though, but nevermind. Like Chris said, it's only a week and I haven't had this for a long time and things have been running really smoothly for a long while. Felt a bit better when he said that.

So I am now re-thinking my day tomorrow and thinking what I can do with it!
Going to see Mum and Dad tonight so that will be nice. Better go make some tea... x

178. The Lovely Bones, BCS and general stuff

Still drying my eyes.. what an amazing film The Lovely Bones is...
Loved the acting, the way it was shot and most of all the music by one of my favourites Brian Eno.
Sussed it straight away and after a visit to imdb.com that confirmed it for me :) Yay..


I love his track 'An Ending' - used a lot on trailers for documentaries like 9/11 Falling Man on channel 4.

These 2 tracks are just beautiful.... I want to try and buy the soundtrack now! Just read online, I can't! An acutal soundtrack doesnt actually exist! So will need to find the tracks individually. Sure I can manage - I have some free time (!??!)

Anyone who knows me well, knows this is what i am like with films and music :)

 

Stanley Tucci's performance was chilling and his acting had me on the edge of my seat.

I've been told that the book is amazing, so maybe I will try and have a go - I'm not the most patient reader and get bored easily. It's really got to grab my attention! Or I will read the first page and not take it in and then either fall asleep or just put it down.

******************************

I went to Bradford Cancer Support today. It was lovely to see Caroline and quickly chat to her. I had an appointment for some counselling. I had enquired about it after I had some sad and angry feelings around the halfway mark. Since enquiring things have been very up, down, up, down with my emotions, coping and physically.

 But as you can probably tell at the moment I am on a big up and things are going well. I seem to be coping a bit better and am well distracted with things to do, special people in my life and am happier. So when I was on my way to counselling today I was thinking to myself. Do I still need to go?! What am I going to say in there?  I decided to still go and see what they said and what I might be able to gain.

I have had some experience of counselling before and am familiar with talking things out in a small room face to face with a stranger. I have accessed Coginitive Behavioural Therapy which the counsellor today explained as being directive therapy/treatment. The counselling that CBS offer is non-directive and it works very much from the counsellee's perspective and thoughts. Talking it out and the counsellor listens.

I signed a contract which makes it sound so official, but it's basically to cover all the boundaries and guidelines. Covering things like confidentiality, cancelling appointments etc. I felt very at ease and comfortable with this. It made things clear but not in an official way that felt threatening.

Once this was done it was over to me!! At first I sat there and just thought. Well , what the flipping heck am I gonna talk about!? I feel ok! I found a way to start and once I did, the thoughts and words just flowed. It was interesting how I went off on tangents and how much ground I covered in such a small amount of time.

I left feeling good about myself, proud even. The session had been a positive one and had given me time to reflect on my progress and how I have come though so much in my treatment. I don't think I realised that until today. Telling a total stranger your thoughts and feelings can be a scary thought, but actually it's a good thing. They don't know anything about you unless you tell them and they just listen and help you think. If you get stuck they ask questions to prompt you and help you talk some more. My thought patterns changed as I was talking and it was very powerful how this worked with my mind set. I was very pleased with the session and will be returning again soon for another session.

*******************************************************************************

So I am feeling really good today and yesterday. Quite close to my normal self, give or take a few things like blocked ears and an annoying cough that has developed? Weird. It feels like the back end of a cold. So my hearing is really sensitive and I have been a bit irritable with it this evening.

Bought some gorgeous tealight holders to hang on my fencing. Just been outside to light them. They look so so cute, candlelight flickering.... Also got some wicker hearts and hung those up. It's looking lovely out there. Dad got some stones off the beach in Norfolk and they look great in the border next to the fence. I had painted some before, but these ones are naturally white and look fab. All I need now is the skip to arrive and we can get clearing the crap out of the garden to make more room for me to potter about! Woo! Pics to follow!

I can hear the bath water running... wonder if it's for me? 

Night night xxx







177. Where's the sun

So it's the end of July and by now it should be hot or at least warm! But sadly, there's no sign of the sun today. It's cloudy and a bit dull. Disappointing to say the least.
My sunflowers are nearly all blooming now. The small ones - teddy bears are looking gorgeous... and the evening sun ones - the dark red petals - are stunning and have more than one head. I hope the other heads blossom too. The hollyhocks need planting out as they are limited in their pots and there are still two plants from the nursery that need putting in the ground.
I am planning on making another flower border in the garden next week - we're clearing the soil and clay that we piled up from the front when we dug it out in Feb/March to make more room. Really looking forward to doing that and being able to do more when I am well between treatments. Being outside with nature is such a good feeling, one of my favourite feelings.

I'm smiling because I just received a parcel. Nicola, who I made friends with on the UK Hodgkins Lymphoma Support group on Facebook, sent me 2 wigs and a bandana! A short pink wig - fun style and a lovely ash blonde wig, which is lovely and light weight and feels really nice on. Thank you hun x x x  Will be nice to have a make up session and try on the wigs and take photos. I will look forward to being able to wear them when I want to feel different.

I put some of that Dove summer self tanning lotion on last night. And I smell of biscuits. Hmm.

Going to Cancer Support today so need to go and get ready. Will be lovely to see the team again.
Blood test tomorrow and Chemo 8 on Thursday!

The end is just about in sight. 4 more left after Thursday...

176. More sponsors! Woo! Thank U!

Am thrilled to say I have more sponsors! THANKYOU to:

Joan Cox
Jill Greenwood
Dawn Elson
Alison Park

Hurray!!!
xx

175. Simon's Cat - hop it

One of my fave Simon's Cat videos. So so good!

174. Songs I'm listening to...

173. Feeling cloudy

It's a cloudy Monday morning.
Lots of depressing news about with the awful happenings in Norway and the death of Amy Winehouse. I woke up feeling uh today. Also it's 'cause I know I am going to see someone about benefits and I really can't be bothered. My brain has turned to mush with not working and I really struggle to retain information. The effects of not working are rubbish. Don't like it.
The thought of all those figures and numbers and dates and times and ahhhhh, dont like it.

I'm going to see if we are eligable for anything. So will hopefully find out some info. I have always worked and never claimed a thing, so am clueless!!

My body feels quite good today. Had a bit of a health kick with fruit and lots of water these past couple of days. Still had treats but just with the healthy stuff I dont feel as guilty.

I have put more weight on and feel heavier when getting about. It's tiring. My arms feel bigger, my belly and my thighs. Even my face now feels bigger? It looks it. I cringe when I catch sight of my reflection in Anthony's sunglasses or in car windows. *shudder*

 I am more accepting of it now than I was. Got my head around it a bit more. Knowing it's not forever.
 But I won't ever feel comfortable with the physical side of it. There's no way I can stay this size and live happily. I know once I come off the steroids and other drugs the weight will start to come off. It's just not me and I will do whatever my body will allow me to when treatment is over, to shift the weight.
I know there will be some recovery and getting my strength back will be part of that process. It's wierd, but it's like learning all new things again, like before I was learning what chemo and effects will be like. I will be learning what recovery is like and how to go about things. Another learning curve..

Well, better go get ready. Jen's just rung and offered to go with me. So am feeling a bit more positive now to have her there with me. Support and another pair of ears, it counts for a lot. xx

172. Visit to Hawksworth CE

Had a lovely night out on Wednesday, went out for drinks with Chris and Jenny. It felt so lovely to be out all together, catching up and having LOTS of silly laughs. Mainly me and Jen doing our silly laughs!

On Thursday I went to Year 6 leavers assembly at Hawksworth CE. I worked there in my first job at a school as a Learning Support Assistant, supporting Edward in reception in 2004. He was obviously new to school and so was I. We had a big learning curve between us. It was a really enjoyable time in my life working there. I left in 2006 to pursue teaching, which ended up not being for me but that's another blog entry for another time...
 I always kept in touch with the staff, Edward's new support assistant Helen and with Edward and his parents. Ed's mum Denise text me and invited me to his leavers assembly, as did Jean and Helen who I worked with in Class 1 at the time. At the time I wasn't very well with chemo and said I'd do my best to get there, but couldn't promise. As I felt worse with migranes, I began to think there was no way I would be able to go. Then I had those two good sessions of chemo when Jen came with me and things since have been a lot better. The positivity from her has just totally lifted me up and helped me enormously. I feel so lucky to have such a good friend in my life.

I was really chuffed on Wednesday when I felt up to going to the assembly on the Thursday. I sent Jean and Denise a text to let them know.

Driving up to Hawksworth felt so strange, like back in time. So much has happened in my life since then, it felt like a life time ago. I parked up and walked down to the school. It really took me back to when I first started there. I remember before that, dropping off the application form - it was a really hot Summer, remember those? - and being all nervous.

As I walked I saw many familiar faces. Some recognised me, others didn't. I had my head scarf on, I felt confident to go without it, but I just didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, especially the children. I hadnt seen them since they were all  in year 3 or 4 and to not see some one for that length of time normally is strange, but add on top that someone who looks very different and no hair, I just felt it was too much of a shock.

Seeing the staff was so lovely. Michele, Linda, Hilary and Sally, then Helen, Cath, Rachel, Margaret ....All hugging me and making me feel at ease. And I did, it was like no time has passed! Standing at the entrance to the hall, the children were all putting together their last minute preparations for the assembly, top secret from everyone. So they were all rushing about and getting things together. I was in awe of them. So proud. I got lots of hugs and every so often I'd turn round hearing a shout 'MISS ELLIS!!!!!!' Such a lovely feeling. They were so mature and grown up. End of an era...

Denise and Paul arrived and I sat with them in the assembly. Which was absolutely fantastic. Such comedy and humour and put together so well. The year 6's were superstars. They entertained the whole school and parents, were were laughing and crying - happy and later sad tears!

I felt quite tired after sitting there for the duration of the assembly, which sound daft, but at the best of times we all get a numb bum, I had that and my bones were aching a bit, from holding myself up and my skin was sore.

I stayed with the staff after just so I could see them properly. A coffee and some delicious choc cake perked me up! What a surprise there eh. We all chatted and laughed about the really funny bits of the assembly and it felt lovely.

I was so happy to be able to enjoy my visit and it made my week a very special one. Thank you x

171. Bone pain is pants and other thoughts..

Grr. I've had bad bone pain these past few days. In my neck and shoulders and then in my lower back. Paracetamol and codine help a lot as well as heat from a wheat bag. Just taken some more tablets now. Hope they kick in soon.

Oh I had a go at cooking tonight. I am so crap. Sorry, but I am. Anthony is a really good cook and I am a great cleaner. :) Ah well. Good deal I guess...!

It's raining now. Washing all inside. Doesn't smell as fresh when it has to dry inside. hmm.
My sunflowers are nearly all out and the poppies too. How pretty are poppies?
Will put some more photos on soon.

Going to get ready now to go out...will be on later xx  :) how random is this post..

170. Knaresborough visit

 After our plans took a nose dive we thought it'd be nice to go somewhere for the day and spend some time together on Anthony's day off.
We set off in the car, I drove. We decided to go to Knaresborough (North Yorkshire).
I love it there. I have had many happy times there and worked there for a time at Henshaw's Society, with my good friend Audrey. Good memories :)

We parked up and just wandered happily. I was feeling really achy in my neck, head and back. I think if I had been on my own at home I would have just moped about and not tried to do anything. It felt so nice to take in all the beautiful sights.
We found the rowing boats. I realised how unsteady I am on my feet when getting into the boat! The old man who was working at the boats was so sweet and told me to take my time and sit back and relax. So sweet.
As Anthony rowed the boat I took lots of photos and enjoyed the smells in the air. It was such a rich feeling, that the hustle and bustle of everyday life just blocks.
We laughed together, I was being my clumsy self and leaned over a little bit too much at one point. That would have been funny, us in the water. Can you imagine!?
Two ducks kept up with us and kept coming over. One of them was doing a really cute chirruping noise and fastly moving it's head. Cute.
There was a rumble of thunder at one point too! Eek.
Here's some of the photos I took, more are on my facebook.

It cost £10 for an hour and we (anthony) rowed up and down the river for as far as we were allowed to. It was stunning. So peaceful and relaxing.

Getting out of the boat I felt like we had been out for long enough and I was tired. Anthony could tell and we walked back to the car and he drove the journey home.

We parked up at Apperley Bridge and walked by the canal, hoping to go to the cafe for lunch, but it was closed. Gutted. So we walked back. Took some more photos and got a bit daft and silly (like usual)

We saw a bee - weirdly - running on the footpath! It's wings seemed to be broken - (said in Lee Evans way 'Broken!' when doing the traffic light sketch) and it was just so quick. True Liz style I decided to film it and just sing. Random. I know, I'm sorry, you're probably thinking, ok, she's lost it now. At last, she's gone. But this is just what I'm like. I love being silly and having fun! We both creased up laughing and I had tears rolling down my cheeks! Running Bee!



I love that exhausted, laughed out feeling!

 I'd forgotten about my pain and felt better. We got home and had fish and chips for lunch. Delish. Followed by an afternoon nap. Bliss. Fab day. 

169. July phone pix

So I ummed and arr'd about putting these ones on my blog.
This is me without any make up - at the most recent stage of chemo. No pretending. This is after 6 sessions.

A down day after 6th chemo. My eyes are sad, my eyelashes aren't up to much like they used to be (long and flowy) and when it comes to putting mascara on, they are stubby and clog together easily. No, not the end of the world, but I rely on my definition of my face when I have no hair. 
 I have to account for swollen eye lids in the make up process.

Smiling through it. Not the most smiley eyes, they were swollen before 7th chemo, which is a usual pattern now.

cuddling up close, i am somewhere behind him...

Cozy Zig, nuzzling on on a fresh bed.

168. Do'h.

So we were planning on setting off about 2ish on Sat to go see my mum and dad in Norfolk on their holidays, to get a few days away from the norm. We planned to go in my little corsa as its more economical on fuel. In an attempt to be good and checking, I suggested to Anthony that he check the oil and water in my car. Oil was low. So he went to check my log book and the oil type. As we keep our files and info together, he checked his log book too, just out of interest for some reason.

Beep beep beep. And that's not the car horn.
M.O.T on the Pug was out of date. The test had been due the day of my first chemo - yes - April! - and with the upset and stress of everything it had got forgotten about. We realised how lucky he had been to not get caught, he's been all over the place in it since then and we don't know how he has avoided the ANPR's and not been fined.
We decided to stay home so we could sort out booking the test for Monday and get the pre checks sorted etc. We'd need the money for the test that we'd spend getting to Norfolk and on other things down there. Grr.

We were gutted and Anthony felt really annoyed with himself for missing it and confusing it for another time. We felt bad for letting mum and dad down and not being able to visit them - esp when they were looking forward to it as much as us. They knew how much a break away from the norm meant to us and just wanted to see us have some down time and relax.
 Some how we just kept it together and support from Chris and Jen soon after finding out was just what we both needed! My mum came over to see us briefly and I felt better for having a hug and seeing her.

The pug did pass it's MOT today, thankfully! So it hasn't ended up costing us as much as we'd worried about. Phew! All things work out somehow?!

Depending on the weather we hope to go out for the day tomorrow. I have some ear pain this evening so am a bit blah blurgh and tired. Off I go to bed soon! x What a weekend!

167. Sunflowers so far..

the bee's bum made us chuckle!

A newbie just opening up..

166. Chemo 7 DONE.

Chemo 7 - all done last Thursday (14th July 2011)
Jen was able to come and support me all the way through, how fab. Support and distraction really does make ALL the difference. We had costa coffee and sandwiches later - when I realised I was hungry!?
We chatted and chatted and must have honestly been so irritating, we both agreed later that we were maybe a tad loud. But the nurses didn't seem to mind much. I think we brought a bit of life and soul to the day unit anyway!
Jen and I have formed a great friendship and I feel very lucky to met such a wonderful person. I know we're going to have so many fun times ahead. So exciting. We've got plenty of places we want to visit together and start creating some fun memories.
I got home after chemo and felt ok, just a bit tired and out of it later. Once I had a soak in the bath and got to sleep that was the best thing. Sleep.




On Friday, I felt good. I had really red cheeks and felt so warm from the steroids.
 I have some fab make up from the Look Good Feel Better Kit - No.7 (Boots) Colour Calming Primer. It's green in colour and you could mistake yourself for the Hulk. But, all said - it is very good at calming the redness in your face - doing as it says and priming your skin before make up. Even if you dont want to wear foundation it works well to take the redness away.
 I have used it quite a bit and like the confidence it gives me when I have 'chemo cheeks'. Deffo recommend. They also do a purple primer for sallow skin, different colours in primer work on different skin needs. Impressed!

Jenny and her little girl Lola, (gorgeous) picked me up in the afternoon on Friday. Jen was doing her weekly shop and it was good cause I could get to the shops and get a few things I needed and see them at the same time. I was entertaining Lola (maybe myself too - a bit?!) I was putting bear in the shelves and aisles and taking photos. Simple things! Lola seemed to think I was funny and so did a few other customers. I got some looks. haha.. x

love bear's pose here!! Accidental!

We had a nice chill out and coffee when we got back. Lovely afternoon, so simple but chilled and lovely together :)

Anthony and I went to see Rhino's play Hull FC in the evening - was so good to be back at Headingley and enjoy the atmosphere. We won, which was a bonus. Thanks Danny for the tickets!

I enjoyed a pint of guinness and some chips and gravy. What can I say, I know how to live it up.

It was also really nice because sat a few seats down from us was Andy - someone Anthony works with - who had sponsored me that day at work when Anthony had taken in the forms. I went to say hi and ended up chatting with his wife, whose name has gone out of my head, how rude, I am so sorry! (It will come back to me.) She was so kind and friendly and spoke to me about her experiences of cancer in their family. Her mum was also lovely and they both gave me a big hug and kiss - telling me how well I was doing. How lovely is that? Love it.

We left the game and I had a real bounce in my step. I felt so alive. Driving up our little street, we pulled up to our house. I looked up and thought about how lucky we are. Even though I have been dealt this card, we're still here, together and pulling through it. With the support of our friends and family and people we hardly know...

165. Generous people

Hello! I have some more people to mention who have sponsored me. Thank you so much to the following!

Graham Brayshaw
Brenda Mills
Catherine Holmes
Jo Horsfall

You have all helped me reach 65% of the target set! Thank you! I now have a total of £325, this is a combo of online donations and the sponsor form donations that Anthony has raised at work. His dad Derek and mum Jean are both raising for me with the forms, as well as my mum and dad! I am so so happy.

 x x x x

164. Sir liz

I haven't told you all about this yet! I can't believe I forgot. It was Anthony last night who reminded me of it.

eek.

So last Friday night, Anthony treated me and we went out for a carvery. It was raining really heavily. It was the type of summer rain I love. Where you can smell the heat in the air.
Anyway!

I got ready, put some leggings and a nice turquoise top on and a long jersey cardi top.
I'd done my make up and felt pretty good considering. I didn't have a head scarf on and felt comfortable.

We got to the pub and were shown to a table. We knew we both wanted a carvery so didn't need to look at the menu. I went to the counter to load up my plate :P YUM.

As I stood waiting, there was no one there to serve. I looked at the meat, deciding what to have.. hmmmm. Yum.. beef, pork, turkey.. ?

I saw a few waiters rushing about, looking stressed. I was hungry. Be patient Liz. Patience.
I saw a man come out with plates and he was rushing about too. He was wearing a white apron and a white tall chef hat. Ooh a chef. Food. Oh and he was wearing glasses.
I stood waiting. It took a few more minutes for him to come over and serve us. The couple behind me were commenting on how long it was taking.
The man came over to serve me.
He glanced up at me, whilst grabbing a plate, ready to serve.

Hello, yes SIR what can I get you? Sausage and stuffing?

The following happened very quickly, I don't know how I was so quick but I smiled and erm'd in a 'ooh how awkward, I'm going to pretend I can't choose what I'd like, I'm spoilt for choice, you called me sir, I am a woman, I have no hair, but you thought I was a man, how awkward... I'm still erming'

Man: 'oh oh oh erm, would you like ss.s.s.s.s.sausage and ss.s.stuffing?'

Me - smiling and blushing and speaking in a bubbly, chirpy, you just called me Sir and I am not going to recognise it way (you could feel the awkwardness coming from the man and from the couple behind me)  oooh yes please, and I'll have pork and beef please.

I took the plate, thanking him and smiling.

This is the first time I've been mistaken for a man. When I went to the Look Good Feel Better group, a lady there told me how she'd been mistaken for a man 3 times and she was really feminine looking, I was shocked she had been - just because she had no hair.

I told Anthony when I got back to the table. He was shocked I'd taken it so well!! Think he expected me to be more shocked.

It happens I guess!

Just another experience on this journey! :)

163. Good week so far

Having a good week this week. Felt tired and Tuesday afternoon/evening I slept and slept and slept loads.
Had my blood test yesterday. Everything is pretty straight forward with my bloods now. Before I had lots of problems with white count levels and whether or not chemo would go ahead and if I was to have the GCSF injection.
Now the chemo goes ahead regardless - obviously if my white count levels are drastically low they would re think this. So for the past 2-3 times I have just been for my bloods and then gone for chemo automatically.
I know the drill when I walk in for my bloods now.

Take a seat.
Do a nose swab for MRSA - giant cotton bud, put in one nostril at a time, swab and put into the case and give it back to healthcare assistant.
Blood pressure, temperature - taken in ear with digital thermometer.
Get weighed, clever scales that work by you sitting in a chair.
Be brave,
Have blood taken.
Done.
Nurse chit chat with me :)

I chatted to the nurse and spoke to her about how I had been feeling less depressed this time round, but more tired and still some migranes. The nurse said I was coping really well and still needed to not worry too much about weight gain, as long as I am keeping an eye on my eating and making sure the comfort eating doesnt get out of control. I think, because I am concious of it now I am more able to spot when I am comfort eating and when I am satisfying real hunger.
The nurse then goes down a list of side effects from chemo and scores them to show how each cycle of chemo has affected me. After this the nurse then orders my drugs for the next 2 weeks.

Ondansetron - anti sickness for first 3 days
Dexamethasone - steroids for first 3 days
Lansoprazole - for stomach protection from steroids daily
Septrin - anti biotic daily
Movicol - sachet drink for constipation as and when needed
Gelclear - for mouth sores as and when needed
Mouthwashes (various) - mouth sores as and when needed

Once all this is done I am free to go home yey!

After my blood test, I went to see Becky and enjoyed a lurrrrrrrrrrrvely coffee and a well needed catch up. x x x x

In the evening I made a card for Courtney's first birthday and enjoyed being in the garden and managed to cut the grass.

Today I have my 7th chemo session. Jenny is coming with me again, which is so lovely. It makes it feel more like a lovely day and fun rather than CHEEEEEEEEEEMO!

 Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life. I have a hand, and you have another; put them together and we have each other xx

162. Reiki session at Bradford Cancer Support

Just got back from my reiki session, all relaxed and feeling lovely. I thought I would just bob on and write a little bit about it whilst the feelings are still fresh.

Gary Blonder is a fully qualified hypnotherapist, reiki practitioner and stress councillor. Gary volunteers at the centre to help patients like me with anything they want help with. He custom makes sessions to your needs. I have tried hypnotherapy.
Today I wanted to have some more reiki, simply because last time I had it, it just made me feel fantastic.

Here is a little bit of information about Reiki:

Reiki (pronounced ray-key) is the Japanese art of healing. Reiki itself was founded in the early 20^th Century by Usui Mikao, a Japanese Buddhist. He taught his technique to his followers who expanded it further and then handed it down from one practitioner to another. All genuine Reiki practitioners know the whole chain of Reiki masters who have passed on the technique from Usui all the way to themselves. Only Reiki masters who have received their knowledge directly through this chain of masters can teach Reiki to new practitioners.
Reiki is based on the same theory as the ancient practice of acupuncture, that there is a universal energy called “Chi” (or “Ki” in Japanese) that can be directed through the body to promote healing. Whereas acupuncture uses very fine needles, Usui discovered that a similar effect could come through a suitably trained person laying hands on the sick person in the right way. Modern science has no means of measuring this energy, so like acupuncture you can only know its effectiveness through having the experience yourself.
Reiki is beneficial for everything, for any physical, mental or spiritual disorder, but particularly anxiety, stress and trauma. However, it must be understood that Reiki offers healing, not a cure. It stimulates the mind, body and spirit to heal itself, but exactly how this healing will manifest itself and over what time scale cannot be predicted. For this reason Reiki should be seen as a complementary not alternative therapy. You should not necessarily substitute a current course of treatment for Reiki, but have Reiki in addition. Nevertheless, there are often rapid noticeable benefits. 

First Gary made sure I was comfortable for the session to commence by offering me pillows for my neck and head, under my knees etc. Being comfortable for the session is very important as it is 45mins - 1hr and to be not quite comfy would stop you from fully appreciating the session.

Once comfy, relaxing music on, Gary began.
He started by laying his hands onto my face and holding them there for a length of time. This itself is relaxing, as strange as it sounds. It took a while for my mind to stop being busy and thinking about things but after 5-10 mins I totally relaxed. By this time he had moved onto holding my head, neck and then - I think - because I started to doze off - he moved onto my arms and abdomen.
With the music, the relaxing position and the process of reiki, I felt calm and happy. Warmth is felt throughout the body and particularly concentrated warmth on the body parts that are being held or touched.
Nothing much really happens apart from that.
Like Gary says you have to see to believe. I believe. After I had reiki last time I had more energy and felt calmer in my body.
If you haven't tried reiki before I would give it a go and experience it at least once. I think that you do have to be open to new things and open to them working for them to stand a chance of getting the full effect of a session.

Feeling all lovely now and going to enjoy putting my feet up.
Blood test tomorrow morning.

Here is a link to Gary's site http://www.garyblonder.co.uk/

161. Vids for Lu xx

3 mins in and it will prob sound familiar

Beautiful original xx

Reminds me of us moving house last time - being in the white van, trying to sing the L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N bit with Anthony and Chris... and Anthony getting wrong... funny...

awww.

160. More sponsors (and stuff)

I have 4 more sponsors to mention!
Thank you to:

Julian Matthews
Lanre Bakare
Vicky Sykes
Claire Ledger

You have helped me reach £140 in 4 days!  THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Yippeeeee.............

Sarah at Bradford Cancer Support - got my registration forms through today, so will be sending my sponsor forms through for anyone that does want to sponsor me but not via the online facility.
You can email or facebook me and I will add your details to my form :) Muchos gracias! :)

I am listening to Clare Maguire's album Light After Dark. Such a beautiful voice. Chris put it on my ipod for me and Jenny told me she loves it and asked me to give it a try and see what I think. I really like it...


'Break these chains' is my favourite babes xxx The lyrics are so powerful.
Love 'You're Electric' too ;)

Some songs from the album....

159. Blogging from the garden...

Currently sat outside in the garden in THE CHAIR. It's a lovely fresh evening. Just watered the sunflowers and other plants. If my next door neighbour Pam is out watering her plants and she sees me, she asks if I'd like to use her water/hosepipe whilst it's out to save me bothering with the watering can. Really sweet. We stand and have a chat and it's lovely. So nice, makes all the difference.

Had a good weekend. Was really tired on Saturday, glad to have the shopping delivered.
In the evening we went to Anthony's mum and dad's for some tea. Was lovely to catch up and have a giggle together. Slept really well.
Sunday I woke up with a really bad head. The type of head pain that felt like it could turn into a migrane. Anthony looked after me and told me to go back to bed for more sleep. I wanted to get up and get ready to go to Craig (who Anthony works with) and Kirsty's daughter's (Courtney) Christening. I had to give in, I went for a soak in the bath and had another sleep.
We ended up not going to the christening ceremony which was a shame, but met up with the after party.

The card I made for Craig, Kirsty and Courtney :)

For the first time in a long time I felt nervous about turning up to a social event with my shaved head and looking 'different'. You'd think by now I would be used to it and just get on with it. But set backs do happen. 90% of the time I dont think about my shaved head. I can be walking about doing normal everyday stuff or go to the cinema or pub and just not give it a moments thought, even proud of my look. But Sunday I was just off it and walked into the social club, nervous and not like the bouncy, bubbly me..Anthony took my hand and walked in front, leading the way.
As the afternoon went on I started to relax, even my cloudy head cleared. I was chatting away normally to people instead of feeling like I couldn't get my words out. I even had a cheeky vodka, thanks to Craig's dad, which totally relaxed me even further - I'm not a big drinker, so when I do have alcohol it makes me drunk quickly! What's the term... lightweight?!

Today been feeling a bit sleepy but well 'in myself'. (Peter Kay)
I went to Roberts Park in Saltaire with Chris, Jenny and Lola. It was gorgeous! Can't wait to go back there again. Had lots of laughs, got lots of photos and had a relaxing walk. My eyes are starting to close already so all that fresh air has done me good!

Starting to think about Chemo 7 on Thursday already. Ugh. My appt is at 11am this time, which means I will have a later finish. I prefer getting in and getting done early. Nevermind.

I have a session at Bradford Cancer Support tomorrow, looking forward to it. Then blood test Wednesday.

Widget!

I have a widget! You can click on this and it will take you to my fundraising page :) Hurray!

158. Officially doing the Zip Slide!

WOOOO!
Thank you to some VERY generous people I have managed to raise the minimum amount needed to do the Zip Slide!

Thank you to:

Sophie Duke
Fiona Middleton
Fiona Gell
Alexis Wright

You are all fantastic and have made it so I can take part in the zip slide! xxxx

157. More sponsors!

I am really pleased! I have some more sponsors - which takes me to £75!
I am only £25 off being able to do the Zip Slide now.

A big thank you to:

Mark, Katy + Millie Sherburn
Karl Darbyshire
Sarah Cohen
Annabel Danson


I want to keep going and try to raise as much as I can for Bradford Cancer Support!

xxx

156. Thank you to my first sponsors!

This is the zip slide at Xscape - in GLASGOW.

I am doing it at CASTLEFORD, so it won't look just like this. But just to give you an idea....

As some of you may know I have wanted to do something for charity for a while and even more so since I was diagnosed with HL. I have done Race For Life twice before, I loved the whole experience and hope to do it next year.

I want to make a special thank you to the following people for being my first lot of sponsors and helping me get half way to the amount I need to qualify for the Zip Slide. (I need £100 minimum to do the zip)

Cath Dowling
Paula Pipkin
Russ Taylor
Dawn Gair
Jackie Laycock
Jess Baxendale

Thanks to you guys I already have £50! So Thank YOU! xxxxx

http://www.justgiving.com/liziszipping

I AM going to raise at least £500 for Bradford Cancer Support.
 I am GONNA DO IT!
C'mon!

Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip! :)

155. Catch up Friday :)

Well good morning everyone!
It's been a while since I have sat down and just typed my blog, with nothing but my thoughts and the laptop.

Today I've got chemo bone aches in my shoulders, neck and lower back. Also got a sore tongue and mouth. Hmm. Pretty standard for this time in treatment. *bobs to make a coffee*

Ok so I made some little bits of toast as well. Grr, the jam I bought has reeeeeeeeally annoying seeds in it. Hmm. Not so impressed with the choosing of jam in last weeks online shop!

Did I mention the online shopping we did? Think I did briefly. We were very impressed and now converted to online shopping! Hurray! Zoe at work has been trying to get me to do it for a while, explaining the special offers and how it saves money. Never really felt the need to do it until now and I am so glad we tried it. (just not the seedy raspberry jam!) We did save money too.

I'm sat at our bedroom window and just been looking out over to the horizon. It's a cloudy morning and drizzly in between tiny bits of sun rays. We had a big storm last night! Lots of thunder and then huge hail stones!
We sat here and watched the storm together, was lovely to look out on our street - other people doing the same. We have been getting to know our new neighbours Tom and Tash - they have a little baby boy and are moving in soon. We could see them across the way in their house, looking out at the storm too. Really sweet. It'll be lovely to have a get together with them this summer. It's a lovely street with some really sweet people.

We have some annoying niggly jobs to do in the garden - that when I am well I look at and think, oh I can do that!! Going to ask Dad to come up in August and get some of the stuff cleared.

It's crazy how weak I have become though. I was out last week in the garden pulling up some weeds and long grass that had grown up, and honestly, I looked like look when I go running. Bright red cheeks and totally out of breath! Anthony took a double take at me, I am giggling just thinking about it, he didn't want to make it obvious but his face was like - woah? I stopped soon after that and had an ice lolly. haha.
Not only do I feel weak, but I feel old too. My body parts, joints, muscles and bones feel totally hammered and like it's run a load of marathons or something. All the while I am dealing with the daily life of chemo effects, weight gain, feelings, emotions, fatigue, migranes and more... my body is silently getting on with the fight.
Like it was silently dealing with the cancer for who knows how long?
That's a bizarre thought.

I need to trim my hair again - it's growing rapidly in some places and not in others. Bald patches here and there and fluff in others. Might have a go myself later! That will be interesting!

Rain is starting again. The horizon is really cloudy and rainy.
There's something about the smell in the air today. The mixture of the rain with the plants and trees or something. It takes me back to lots of different memories - to name a few.....

*being on the school field at the back of Rawdon Littlemoor, playing and making 'nests' with the cut grass.
*playing rounders and that sound of the bat hitting a 'slogger' (nothing like it)
*collecting ladybirds in open jar, easily get about 50 ladybirds back then, where did they all go - hardly see them now..
* making potions and perfume with water and rose petals and other petals/leaves
*walking home from school after a netball match and feeling proud and excited about the buzz the next day

Good times.

I made some cards this week - Monday I think it was. Felt nice because I had had so long with not making anything. My plan worked though. I had put all my art stuff away into the pantry and not seeing it everyday meant I wanted to do some. I can trick myself! haha!

For Tom and Tash

For Catherine and Mark

haha, my make up after look good feel better!

Taken with Anthony's new phone. Stunning photo! Anemonie!

Zig at the top of the stairs!

I am going to have some pamper time now then going out for a walk this afternoon and hopefully take some pretty photos xx