64. Hair loss

I've hardly done a thing today.
A bit of washing (perfect drying day out there.. haha) but apart from that and cooking tea I've slept and lazed in the garden.
I think my body needed it.
I mentioned earlier about my hair and how I had found some hairs on my pillow and on my shoulders. I'd had a sore head all day yesterday, it even hurt to put my head back on to the head rests of the sofa at Crum's. But today it isnt sore.

This afternoon I was sat with Anthony, a bit after our lunch. I stood up and looked in the mirror. I turned my head to look at the sides of my hair line and took out my bobble.
I asked him if he thought my hair looked any different. Anthony is always honest and if I ask him something he will always tell me the truth, even if the truth hurts. He finds the words and the best way to tell me.
He agreed it looked thinner at the roots. Even with my hair tied up in a bobble, it looks like there's less of it.
I sat next to Anthony on the sofa as I touched my hair. Feel it, I said. He brushed his hand over my hair. Then run his fingers through it. We both looked at his hand. There were quite a few hairs, about as much as you would get if you were to go to your hair brush and pull the hairs off that to clean it.
I filled up. My lip quivered. Anthony put his arms around me and put my head onto his shoulder. All I wanted to do was just cuddle up. 'We knew this might happen darlin' ' he said. He agreed with me that even though we knew, it was still a shock. So weird to see it. To know that drugs are causing it. A set of drugs that will eventually get rid of my cancer, but first they need to cause some chaos within my body. And give me some things to cope with in the process.
We packed away the garden things and closed the front and back door. All I wanted to do was snooze close with him.
We went to for an afternoon nap and drifted off to the sound of the breeze blowing through the window and the faint mumbles of the radio.
I felt so tired.
I kept thinking about my hair.
It's a feeling I never thought I'd experience. It's like confusion even though I know what's happening. I try not to touch my hair too much or look at my pillow or where I've been laid, but I find myself wanting to look anyway and see.


I'll be posting photos of my new do tomorrow!
xxx